Struggling with my faith

Hello all. This is my first post here. I'm considering the Lapband surgery and had some questions...don't we all? First, about me: I am 41 years old, married with two sons, ages 8 and almost 4. I've been overweight since about first grade or so...I remember writing in my diary in fifth grade (I was 10) that I weighed 121 pounds. I think it was shortly after that that I went on my first diet. You all know the rest. I started WEigh****chers (again) at the end of MArch and have done fairly well. (I usually do for the first few months) When I started WW, I weighed 239 pounds. I'm 5'3 1/2" tall. At my last weigh in, I was 219. I am a Registered Nurse and massage therapist. I work part time at a family practice doctor's office in Savage, very close to where I live. One of the docs at the practice where I work has been my PCP for 16 years. I love her.       Anyway...a few weeks ago, I saw Khaliah Ali's book "Fighting Weight" displayed at the library. Of course, I picked it up. I think I finished it in two days. I honestly had never heard of gastric banding. (We don't have cable and I'm not home during the day to see any commercials I guess!) I was instantly intrigued. I had never considered gastric bypass as it just felt too drastic to me. However, the Lapband excited me. No permanent alteration to anatomy, adjustable, reversible if necessary and from my reading, it obviously produces results. I've been doing a lot of reading and research since then. I reviewed 16 years of medical records and documented my efforts to lose weight. I spoke with my doctor yesterday and she thinks I am an excellent candidate for the surgery. She gave me a referral for a consult with Dr. Singh at St. Agnes. I'll be calling to get an appointment as soon as I can for a consult.        However....a few things. First thing is that I might not quailify for my insurance to cover the surgery. Currently, my BMI is only 38. I have glucose intolerance, but not actual diabetes (my fasting readings are high, but everything else is normal), and my HDL is low. I have other things that I know have been or are caused by my weight, but none are what the insurance deems "life threatening". No high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, sleep apnea (that I know of), etc. My insurance (Carefirst BLue Choice) says that I need to either have a BMI of 40 or greater, or over 35 with comorbidities. They also state that I need to have been on a supervised diet plan for at least six months in the two years prior to the surgery. So....if I go with the weight and BMI before I started WW, I qualify (BMI 41). My doctor says we could probably make a case for me even if we go with my current weight. So, have any of you faced this? DO I continue with WW, maybe lose more weight and then really now qualify? If that backward thinking in that if I'm losing weight, then why do I need the surgery? Do I stop WW?  Also, I am a Christian and I'm struggling with faith....if I decide to get the lapband, what does that say about my faith? Will I be putting my trust in the band and not in Jesus? If I really believe that He can do all things, why can't I believe that he will walk me through this weight loss journey without the band? If I decide not to get the band, how do I do that? I've been a Christian for a long time, and honestly, I have tried to let him guide my decisions on a daily basis, always thinking about what he would do, but when it comes to losing weight, I just can't seem to "get it". Then I think...well, maybe it was God who led me to this. Maybe this IS the answer I've been looking for. Sigh. Have any of you been where I am? What did you decide? What were your thoughts?  Thanks for being there.  Michelle L.  Savage, MD

Welcome Michelle, I was totally where you are. I have decided to go with the gastric bypass instead of banding for many reasons. That part is up to you. However, I still struggle with my faith. I have not been a Christian for very long. I have been asking the Lord to guide me and if this was not the right thing to do than please do not let me get approved for surgery. I got approved without a hitch and so I feel I got my answer. This decision did not even come about until I started going to church. I have been heavy for a very long time and I pray this is the right answer for me. Without this weight problem and other problems in my life I don't think I would have even started going to church. I think that is His way of answering my prayers. I hope you can find peace with your decision.

michelle... i am a christian as well... and had been overweight during my adult years.  i, too, prayed for the right decision to be made.  i asked God to close all doors if it was not His will for me to have this surgery.  this was sorta my "fleece."  God opened all the doors and even confirmed with His Word and close christian friends that i was to go forward (Isaiah 41:10).  i believe that God's "perfect will" was to lose the weight for a healthy body and spirit.  i actually lost 100 pounds twice before this surgery to no avail.  within a year or two, i had gained it back (with more!).  most overweight people may be genetically predisposed to being overweight so no matter how hard you try to get it off... WE WILL ALWAYS PUT IT BACK ON!   this is my two cents worth... pray that the door will close if it is not God's will... then wait for confirmations to come.  i, myself, will be praying that God reveals to you His will!  take care dear sister... kay

Thank you both for replying. I guess I will just have to rely on him like I always do...ask him every step of the way to let me know if I'm the right track and listen for his reply. Next step is to call the surgeon and ask what their protocol is...how has it been living with your choice? How long ago did you have surgery? What surgery did you choose? How is life different now?

Hi Michelle, I am a born again, spirit filled, bible believing, Jesus loving Christian and have been for nearly 20 years!  I have been overweight since I was 18 and was living with my husband in Germany and was very depressed.  I have struggled for years with my weight and the ageless question of whether or not my faith in Jesus wasn't strong enough to beat this battle.  I do not have any profound answer to that question except to say that I firmly believe that it was the Lord who made it possible for me to have RNY gastric bypass surgery to lose this weight once and for all.  I still struggle with food addiction and know that I have to continually seek the Lord for answers to why I eat the way I do and why food has such a hold on me.  I don't consider having the surgery showing lack of faith in the Lord to help me lose weight.  I see it as a blessing He provided to help me conquer the weight and begin to live free like He wants me to live.  I know that it will be my faith in Jesus that helps me to keep the weight off and overcome my food addiction.  Perhaps the Lord is opening the doors for you too.  There are many ways for God to heal us of our sicknesses and diseases.  There are many ways in which the Lord delivers us from problems such as depression and addictions.  I choose to believe that my steps are ordered of the Lord and He made this happen for me in the best way for me, within His will and plan for my life.  I also believe that about my recent plastic surgery and the surgery I plan to have for my breasts.  He guides my life and for some reason He felt that this was the right time for me.  I tried for 7 years to have the surgery and was turned away each time I asked.  Then one day, BAM, the door swung open wide.  I thank the Lord each day for this opportunity to be free from overweight and to be able to be fully the person He wants me to be and live the life He intends for me to live.   I'll pray for you in your decision.  God answers each of our prayers according to His plan for our lives.  Perhaps this is His answer for you now.  Keep seeking Him.  If you have peace, then you know the Lord is directing your steps too.  Be blessed!   Hugs, Robin

Sounds like we are almost twins!  I am 45  w/ 9 yr old son  5'2"  226 lb. I register at a 40 BMI right on the nose. I am also a Bible -believing -fundamental-born again Christian. I struggled like you since i was 6 yrs old with varying degrees of obesity. My constant prayer was to lose weight and then the guilt and self doubt of failed diets.  After lots of prayer I know that this is the answer God is going to provide.  One board member put it this way:     I hope Ron doesnt mind me quoting him but it is perfect for your situation.  "  There is a fictional story that highlights this mindset!  A man is sitting on the roof of his house after a flood, and prays for God to save him.  A few hours later, a man comes by in a boat and say "hop in"!  The guy on the roof say's "no thanks" - I'm waiting for God to save me.  A couple of hours later, another boat comes by, and the same things happens.  The man refuses to get in the boat,  and say's he is waiting for God to save him.      Then a big wave comes and breaks the house apart, and the made falls into the water and drowns.      The man goes to heaven and stand before God.  he say's "God, I don't understand!  I prayed for you to save me, but you let me drown!"  God replies, "Dummy!!  I sent you 2-boats"!!" God bless Ron  for his wisdom. 

Michelle,

If you had cancer instead, would it show a lack of faith in God's ability to heal you if you accepted surgery and chemo rather than just prayed?  Would you refuse a coronary bypass if your doctor told you that you had 99% blockages?  I don't think so.  Of course, you'd follow your doctor's advice, right?  I use cancer and heart disease as examples because the answer is such a no-brainer. I think God gave us this and many other technologies for healing.  God can and does heal us through doctors and medicine as well as sovereignly.  If you were to post this question to the lap band forum, there'd be many Christians who'd say what I'm trying to say here with much eloquence.  I've seen this question posted and I've seen their answers.  One of our active members is a pastor who's lost about 150 lbs so far, I think.  Just a personal observation here, but God's been working on me about my weight for years.  I've been MO for about 25 years (since my mid-20's).  He's been working on me about obesity surgery for 12 years.  Agreeing to do something about it has been my way of saying, "Okay, God, it's in Your hands now."  It took a relative dying too young last year of complications of diabetes to make me get in gear. Finally, re your health insurance, the case can be made that you're saving them money in the long run.  Your future surgeon can help you make this case and identify all of your co-morbs.  You probably have more than you realize.

I think you have already been given the best reponses to your questions from the previous posts. I want to add that this surgery changed my life so that I can continue to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. It sounds to me like your doctor will bend over backwards to assist you in becoming a success in wl.  One of the beautiful gifts we received from God is the ability to think, learn, and improve life for each other. As a nurse, you have witnessed the benefits of this gift. Allow the healing gifts given to others to help you now.

Adain, thank you all for responding. Yesterday, I was washing the dishes and talking to God, asking him about this when I felt him say almost exactly what you guys have said (before I read your posts!), Basically, he said, if you had a friend who was an alcoholic and a procedure became available that would enable him to gain control of his drinking and avoid all the future problems alcoholism can bring, wouldn't you encourage him to do it? Wouldn't you want him to be free? He would still have to work hard and love himself enough to follow the recommendations of his doctors, the procedure would just be a tool to help him. When I looked at it in that light, of course it made sense. Later, I found the website of a woman who had undergone RNY, who was a Christian and said basically the same thing. I felt God's confirmtaion in my heart that I am moving in the right direction. THen I came here and read your posts....okay God. I think I get it. :) I also felt him reminding me that he loves me no matter what I decide.

I made calls yesterday to try to find out exactly what my policy states in regard to coverage, and I'm calling the surgeon today to find out what's next. I'll keep you "posted"!

In Him,

Michelle

"He would still have to work hard and love himself enough to follow the recommendations of his doctors, the procedure would just be a tool to help him." I was walking through Tar-GHEY this morning and saw a plaque with this quote:  "Faith makes all things possible, not easy."  I thought of your situation immediately.  Don't worry, there are plenty of opportunities to exercise one's spiritual muscles in this journey!