Soo upset, frustrated, and confused

I just have no support at home what so ever. Ok to start I am 17(18 in Nov.), 5'6", 290+? pounds, and have a BMI of about 47. Today me and my mother got in a heated argument about the surgery. It wasn't even the fact of me having the surgery it was the fact of me even trying to go on the journey to get approved. All I asked was for her to schedule an appointment so I can talk to my PCP about the 6 month required supervised diet that I need to have to be insured for the surgery. BOOM like a bomb she goes of and just start saying stuff like no I don't want to take you, you need to try on your own. I don't understand her reasoning because from what I am hearing she wants me to try a diet on my own BEFORE I try to do a DOCTOR SUPERVISED one. She is really ******g me off and I have decided I will just continue my journey w/o but with my grandmother who actually takes the time to listen to me and understand what I am going through. Comments would be amazing I would love to hear your input on how you think I should react to this and if I am the one wrong in this situation for trying to change my life for the better. Also if you would like to leave me some encouragement since I'm really upset and frustrated right now it would be appreciate.

Hello there sweetie just hang in there be strong I don't have family support either I just posted last night on this site and already 7 wonderful people have left me terrific messages they made me smile so I'm hoping my message will do the same for you your mom hopefully will come around and realize that this surgery will help to improve your health and it sounds like your grandma is a great support for you I realize that this time is very frustrating and the last thing you need is your mom on your back  just understand that she do love you goodluck  and I hope things go well for you

Stop and take a deep breath and count to 20.......  Now I am sure that you mom is just concerned about your  health.  Sometimes women/mothers tend to let our emotions and fears get the best of us without thinking about what we are saying.  Just keep in mind that your parents will not always agree with the decisions that you make, but try to understand both points of view and express that you do understand her concern for your health BUT you are also concerned for your health and that is why you need to do this.   I can remember when i was going through purching my 1st house alone (no husband or boyfriend) and everytime I mentioned looking at  houses or something to do with the house, it was like a bomb went off in my mothers head and what ever she was thinking came out of her mouth (no matter how painfull).  But now we are here 10 years later and I now own my 2nd house and my mother could not be more proud of me.  When our parents are scared for us, they may not always know how to express that.  Be patient and things will work out.  Maybe remind her that in a few years when you are healthier than ever, your decision was what was best for you.  Good luck and stay strong. 

Dominique, does it help if I tell you I'm 49 and my mother doesn't accept my decision either?   Of course, I have the advantage of being the policyholder on my insurance, but that hasn't made the "you're copping out" stuff any easier to listen to.  Fortunately, my husband, siblings and sweet in-laws (who also live in Bowie) are supportive.  I'm sure some of your relatives will be, too. Now for the practical stuff.  Does your insurance allow a supervised diet run by someone other than a doctor?  Something like Weigh****chers?  If so, sign up!!  They monitor you and keep track of your progress. The fees aren't bad, and who knows, maybe your mom would even cover them because you're doing something she wants you to do.  Meanwhile, you could try to find somewhere to exercise (in addition to walking).  Then the next time you're in your PCP's office, e.g., you need a flu shot next fall, raise the issue with your PCP. Edie

I agree with Edie. The doctor's supervised diet is actually not as strict as something like Weigh****chers. Join. Show your Mom that you have considered her suggestions. Also, make the appointment with the doctor. My supervised diet with mny my surgeon's program. In the meanwhile, are you going to be attempting to have your own insurance policy? The reality is that as long as Mom is the policy holder, she can refuse for you to have the surgery until you are aged 18.

Welcome to the forum. Hope you find a home here like so many of us have.

Aime

Dominique,    Hello and welcome to our Board. I am sorry to hear that your  mom isn't supporting your decision. I  won't bash your mom's choice because I am a mom too, but I also grew up with a mom who didn't support my decisions. It took many years to fully understand her reasoning, but I finally did. Your mom may just be scared because she isn't informed on the surgery process, or she may believe that the best way is to try it naturally first......but I am sure her main reason is that you are her baby and she is scared for you. Don't ever doubt a parents love, even if it seems at the time that are just being mean. We, as parents, always look out for our children's best interest.    Maybe you could invite your mom to a support group meeting, or allow her to read posts here to gain information about the surgery. Don't close her out of this major decision because you are upset with her right now. Help her understand how you feel, and how this surgery may help you as a person. Educate her......don't assume she knows about the pro's and cons of this surgery. Ask her to talk to your PCP about the surgery and the benefits of it for you.......INCLUDE HER IN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!!!! Give her some time to cool off and re-approach her, but don't approach her with attitude, that will get you nowhere! Print out information on the surgery, do some reading.....approach her with knowledge! Let her see that you have made an informed decision.    I am 34 years old, I have been researching for about 3 years and I am now attempting to do my 6 month diet. I have had one consult and was denied by my previous insurance carrier. I have had several tests done already, including my psych eval, and I am still waiting and researching. This is a life long change to make, and one that will affect you and your family the rest of your life. It is a BIG decision to make. Don't just jump in and say I want it........research it, research it, and research it some more! The process is sometimes quite lengthy anyway, so you will have time to look at it more. But include your mom.........show her you have done your homework and you need and want her support.    I have an 11 year old daughter who has inherited the family curse of obesity. I watch her struggle everyday with her weight and I know the emotions involved as a child. If she were to approach me as an older teen, and had not done any research I would shoot her down quick! But if she came at me with knowledge, I would hear her out and help her. Maybe my advice sounds like an old fart......which I am not, but I honestly think it's good advice.If you need to talk, just message me........ Heather J.

Hi Dominique, I am sorry with being late with my response.  I totally agree with all the great advise that everyone that posted gave you.  Especially the one with Heather J and the other young lady that used the exmple when she bought her first house.   I am a mother of 5 and my oldest will be 22 on the 29th of June.  Sometimes I flip out because I am super concerned about my daughter.  Not that I mean to give her grief... but sometimes we get really scared for our babies that we don't think before we say things. Do you know if your insurance requires a 6 month visit?  My insurance required on and it had to be done regardless.  I suggest you call the insurance ask what are the requirements and if they cover weight loss surgery.  Then research everything and make your own appointments and make sure to bring Mom with you. I can not stress enough how much it helps educating a loved one that is petrified of the idea of weight loss surgery. Big hugs and prayers coming your way.

Yea thats how I found out about the diet I called and asked BC/BS the requirements needed, and I plan on going to my PCP this week to discuss it with her. Thank you for your response and dont worry about the "lateness" better late than never right lol.

Have you decided on surgeon yet?    have you looked into GBMC where I had my surgery?  Does your insurance require you get a referral to see a surgeon?  The reasons why I ask this is because you should look for a surgeon.  I went for the information session at the surgeon's office then a week later I had the consultation visit then that very visit counted as my 1st supervised visit. He does the multi disciplinary weight loss visits.   Also find out if you have to be 18 to have surgery which it will not be a long way for that anyway.   Just a few things to think about.   Take care sweetie.