Rough Night....

WOW...and not the good kind. Tonight was the first night on my own with my two girls since my surgery on the 15th. My wife put a roast in the crock pot with some veggies this morning, so I really did not have to cook (bless her!). But I did have to take it out , cut it into nice small pieces and put in on the plates with the accompanying veggies. ARRRRGGGGG. It took every bit of will power not to grab a piece of the beef and munch on it. I don't even think I would have needed to swallow. I wanted it sooooo bad. I basically threw the bowls on the table, in front of the girls, and went outside. Now...with that said...I was able to not eat any of it. I knew if I did, I would probably be sick. I held it together. But I am more exhausted this evening than I have been since I got home. It seems like it was actually a physical activity to resist that. I told my oldest that she might need to serve dinner tomorrow night. For the most part food smells have not effected me since I have been home....but actually having to cut and prepare it for the girls almost sent me over the edge. This is one damn tough addiction! One day at time.... Thanks for listening. Dave

Hey Dave, Everything takes time and it will get better. The thing is to remember is that you DID resist the urge and you won that little 'battle'. You knew in advance what would happen and you didn't want to get sick. This is a tool and like any tool, it takes time to learn how to use it! You are doing fine, like you said, One day at a time! Take care! ~Heather

Dave..GREAT JOB!!!! This is one tough addiction but you know what you took the a huge step in the right direction today. Trust me I tried one time.. yes just once to eat something I should not have and man oh man did I pay for it. It was not pretty. It takes time to retrain our minds. How old are your daughters? xoxoxo Denise

Thanks Denise, The girls are 11 and 6 (12 and 7 by the first week of May). I knew going in that the "head hunger" was going to be the big thing. But wow. Now, I have quit smoking (1988) and that was tough. But no one else in my house smoked...so it was months before I was even in a situation where I had to resist. Thanks for the encoragement. Dave

Dave, I saw Barbara today, she said you are doing great!! I know the days ahead for you will be for learning about your relationship with food, I am sure you have it in you to get past all the obstacles of living in a home with other people who don't face what we do. This seems to be one of my greatest fears is the family and how they function while I re-train my brain. I am wishing you the best. I am not on the other side yet, but can understand how rough the feeling of being left out of meals may be. I am glad you were able to go out and redirect yourself. Keep us posted. Wendy

David, it's rough when you lose your best friend - food. Hang in there! I'd like to say it gets easier the further out you go, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Thank God my weight is down, so if my brain refuses to get with the program, I can high tail it out of the area. In other words, I run for my life! Get busy doing something else, and yes, the girls can help. They love their Daddy and want to support him in this new life. Keep posting! TraciL

Hang in there Dave!!! Hugs, Mo

Hi Dave Great Job resisting. That would have made you really sick. It is hard to serve others after surgery. But you did it and you should be proud of yourself. Were here for you and keep up the great work Kelly

I am glad that you got through that very hard time of resisting. That is one of my biggest fears if I have surgery....well that and hanging skin!!! lol I am a little over 1 month into my supervised diet. I am working with a therapist once a week dealing with my food issues and learning what my triggers are. Hopefully, that will give me what I need to avoid those triggers. Boy do I have alot of them. I am working on them one day at a time. I also joined a really nice gym...MAC. My husband joined too and it is something that we are doing together. He meets me there after work so I cannot change my mind on the way home. I know this journey is not going to be easy so I am trying to read as many WLS message boards that I can. I want to know all the negatives and positives that I possibly can. Next visit to DVR's office I have to pay my $500 fee. I did not want to do this in case I changed my mind at the end of six months. I have now changed my feeling about that because it really has already made some changes in my life. To me, it is worth $500 to get me moving at a gym and to keep me accountable for my 6 month diet. So, it is money well spent....don't you think? Dave, I will pray for you today that you don't have many of those temptations in your life and for a speedy recovery. Your friend.....Gail

Hi Dave - Trust me, we ALL experience these kinds of things. In fact, I still am. But you're strong - you made the decision to change your life and I know you'll stick with it. Not that it's easy, and it may never be easy, but at least you're aware of what's going on, which will help you deal with it. You do need time to mourn the loss of your relationship with food, but look forward to the new, healthier you, and you'll come out ahead. Take care, Tia