My Latest WOW Moment ... Probably the Biggest Psychological One To Date

Hi Everybody, I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I just have to give some background before spilling my guts. It's been a busy weekend and I had a WOW moment yesterday that is my biggest psychological WOW moment to date. When I think back to where I was a year and a half ago. How miserable I felt. I felt like the life was slowly being sapped out of me. I wasn't happy with myself or anything and hadn't been for years. I felt like I had let myself down by being so fat. I felt like I was out of control. I wondered what is wrong with me that I just can't control this eating? I felt like a drug addict, but my drug of choice was food....and then I'd think, well yeah but you need food to live! I was totally miserable. Now I have always been heavy and have never been thin (well I guess I was thin at birth, weighing 2lbs 15 oz and being 13 inches long - yes, I was a preemie and I more than overcame, wouldn't you say? hehe). I don't ever remember being thin. What I did remember is keeping a lid on the weight gain through high school. I weighed 207lbs at my high school graduation. Certainly not thin, but certainly not morbidly obese either. I then gained 50lbs between June and October of that year and the weight just kept piling on after that. At my heaviest (330lbs) I'd remember, with longing, 200lbs. I remember this feeling of hopelessness and thinking I'd never weigh 200lbs again. I considered WLS, then immediately rejected it. I told myself I'd join weigh****chers (yet again) and I could do it on my own. After another year, that felt like 10 years, I reconsidered and took a serious look at how WLS might help me. I looked into it further and made my decision. Now this whole entire time, I thought about the brass ring of losing weight and knew that WLS gave me my best shot at getting to my goal weight of 164. Even after WLS as I was losing, the biggest psychological thing for me was to get back to that 200lbs. My surgeon even said if I got to 200lbs at 12 months that I'd be considered a success. How great and yet how wretching it was to get to 201 two weeks before my year anniversary and then proceed to stay there (more or less, plus 5-6lbs yo-yoing back and forth) and then stay there through the holidays. Since the first of the year I've been really working at cutting out almost all white, starchy carbs. I've ALWAYS gotten my protein in everyday since surgery and taken all of my supplements. I have, at times, eaten too many carbs. I am very carb sensitive, so the minute I eat carbs, I gain weight. Anyway, I've gotten back to basics and I've been working really hard to make sure that I'm not eating any excess carbs. Well, since the first week of January I have lost 9lbs and I hopped on the scale yesterday morning and lo and behold - Hallelujah! it said 198! Me, Terry weighing 198...I couldn't believe it!!!!! I busted out crying. This is a HUGE psychological barrier for me. In my deepest, darkest moments in that forest I call Morbid Obesity, I NEVER EVER thought I'd see a number on the scale that began with "1" again. I came downstairs after I composed myself and I said to my Mom..."Well I did it" and she said "What?" and I said "I weigh 198"...and I promptly started bawling again, then she hugged me and started crying too. I am so happy! I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. I still have more work to do and I'd like to lose another 15-20lbs prior to my plastic surgery (hopefully in May), but if I don't I'm not going to obsess about it. I just had to share this with all of you because I know we all have our own, individual, psychological/emotional/physical hurdles to get over as we are on this WLS journey, yet I know that we're all in this together and we all rejoice when one of us makes that leap over that hurdle. Okay, who's next over their hurdle? Hugs, Terry

Terry, I'm so happy for you and your success. Your doing a great job! I've got one leg over a hurdle and will advise when the other lands safely on the other side. Take care and how's McMom doing? TraciL

Yeah Terry!!! That is so fantastic. I want to add to you Mom's hug. Wear you accomplishment well today and beam your pride!!!! Aime

Terry You are wonderful! Hugs, Mo

Terry, just sitting here reading the posts and i just finished yours. as i read it it seems like i am reading about myself down to the way you felt about yourself. that is what i feel like now. i am hoping that if i get approved for this surgery that my journey will be just as successful. congradulations to you. keep up the good work. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. hugs,tammy

I'm so proud of you, my evil twin!!!! A date AND 198 - what more could a girl want???!!! Your dedication is truly inspiring, but could ya come kick my butt a little, too??? You're as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out!!! Love ya, Tia

Good stuff Terry. Congrats! A testament to keeping at it to be sure.

Congratulations Terry I am so happy for you. As I read your post and thought about my own goals of getting out of the 300's and your story was very inspiring to me this morning. Thank you for sharing and have a great day Hugs Kelly

Hi Terry! That is just ONEDERFUL!!!!!!!!!! (Pun intended!) You are a true inspiration and what you have accomplished is awesome! Working out the psychological stuff is so much harder than the actual weight coming off. You are right, we are all in this together and I'll be right here posting when I jump my hurdles!!!! Thanks for sharing! Have a great and happy day! ~Heather

Reading your post is awe inspiring. Not only for those thinking about WLS, but to those like me that have had the surgery. I too, like so many others was so depressed because of my weight. I'm just starting, and although I have only lost 50 pounds, my life is so much better. You are my inspiration to continue and aim for my goal weight. Be so proud, you truly deserve it! Thank You!!