Feeling a little blue...just need to vent

Hi All, Sorry..I just feel the need to vent a little. This is a little long and I do apologize for that! I love love love the holiday season. Christmas is my favorite time of year. Everything is so festive and you can feel the love and holiday spirit in the air....OK if you are away from the stores and parking lots you can! LOL Anyways, with that said...this year I am so grateful for so much but at the same time there are things dear to me that I am missing and it kinda hit hard and home the last few days. As some of you may know, my gran died in August. She was 95 and a huge part of my heart. This will be my first birthday (December 22nd) and Christmas without her on this earth. It's not her gifts I miss or want, it's her. This year I will not have "Love, Grandma" cards from her and it'****ting home. I also am having a hard time with turning 36. Not the number but the fact that there are certain things I thought I would have accomplished before my 36th birthday. I have never felt it necessary to have a man in my life....but when you are the only one in your circle who has never been married, doesn't have kids and there are no prospects out there it really sucks and gets lonely. I do know that I have a good life, a good circle of friends, new friends, family, my health, my new lease on life, etc. but for once it would be nice to have someone special think of me on my birthday. Just to be someone's someone. I have had relationships in the past but to be totally honest I have never been in a good, stable relationship. I now know that my weight played a major factor in that. I never thought I was good enough for anyone. I know that's not true and I know things happen when they are going to happen.....but I am sick of hearing that. I know instead of dwelling on this stuff I should be thinking of how fortunate I am and how much I really have to be thankful for and I'm trying. I'll be fine in a day or two Thanks for listening. Sorry to be a downer....just needed to vent a little, clear my head and move ahead. Everyone have a wonderful weekend!!! ~Heather

Oh Heather, I can so totally relate to what you wrote. I didn't lose my Gran this year - I never knew my one and the other lived far away and passed away several years ago; but, I do know what it's like to lose a Dad and brother. I know it's hard to think about what you no longer have. Try to focus on the good times you had with your Gran - nothing and nobody can take that away from you and you'll always have your memories. You didn't come off sounding ungrateful but some folks never have what you had with your Gran, so celebrate the fact that you had it I can also relate to what you said about wanting someone special in your life and never having that and the factor of weight playing a role in that. God I can relate to that! I too have gone through periods in my life where I was really down because I hadn't achieved something that I thought I should've achieved by that point. It is a downer. It's okay to feel that way, but don't let those kinds of thoughts preclude all the good thoughts about what you have accomplished. I'll be 44 next week and like you there are no prospects and all my friends "have someone" (they're either married or in serious, exclusive relationships). You seem to have a good attitude about it, and this too shall pass Try to focus on the good things Hugs, Terry

Hi Terry, Thanks so much for that. It's hard sometimes but good to know there are others who know exactly how you feel. I didn't know you were a December baby! Margie Brennan's b-day was yesterday & Heather Modispaw's is next week as well! We should all get together and share a meal and celebrate all we have and are....which is the bomb diggity! I am trying to keep a good attitude about things and I will remember all the good times I had with my Gran. She was an amazing woman, short, cute and a pistol! See? Already I am smiling! Thanks so much! Maybe all us single gals could be each other's somebody LOL ~Heather P.S. I'm so glad McMom is feeling better.

(((((( Heather )))))) Hugs, Mo

Heather~~~~ I am sending a big hug your way. I love the holidays also but it is this time of year when I miss my faher who passed 6 years ago. Still feels like yesterday. Both my parents made the holidays the best so it is a little hard without him. Even this far long. But I know he is here in spirit. Your only going to be 36. You look so much younger. I don't believe it. Will you be at the meeting on the 21st? Your are an amazing person and so glad to know you . I look forward to seeing you when we all get together and everyone else. Can't wait till the dinner theater too. Take a nice relaxing bath that always makes you feel better and have a great weekend and were here for you Kelly

I know something of what your our going thru, the holiday season is very hard for me to handle. my mother died on sept 30 1986 so that starts the fall season off then my aunt died on thanksgiving day, then my father died on dec. 23 1985, my sister on christmas day 1999, my brother-in-law on dec 29th, my only female cousin on new years day 2001. Around the holidays I hate to hear the phone ring. my other sister had massive heartattack on jan. 5 of 2002 and only now has 40% use of her heart. But is doing as well as possible living at home.And my only brother has been arrested the week before thanksgiving and his trail will not be till jan. sometime, so he will be in jail thru the holidays. When my parents died I was 21 yrs old and lost the family home cause I could not afford by my-self. I m overweight and when I was 29 meant a very nice ladie who year later we got married and are still happy together. But cause of both of use being overweight we could not have children. We were able to adopt a new born which my wife was in the room when our daughter was born. the young girl a stranger (21yrs) let us adopt her and ask nothing in return not one dollar, nothing! Now my little girl means everything to us. The company we work for was sold last year and we both may be out of our jobs in about six months and have to look for another job. My wife had bps in Oct. and has lost 155lbs to date and she feels and looks good, But I dont have ins and cant get ins so I cant get the surgery. I can tell you this, life is alot of ups and downs and you will be tested just don,t give-up sometimes you will have get down right angry and fight. and times life will be easy like a nice spring day. I know its very hard at times to keep going, But trust in your self and keep going. One of my favorite sayins is " I will bend like a weed in the wind , But I will not break. I wish you and all the best in life and don't give up on finding someone they are out there, But they will not come to your door have to find them.

Heather, Doe's the last line of Gary's note sound familiar? LOL - Hang in there girl, we are all there for you and have all been there at one time or another. With each new day comes great things. I think I just made that up (profound). HUGS Margie

Gary, My heart goes out to you. It really does. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You sound like a very strong individual and you have made it through alot. Your story is an inspiration to me and I thank you for that. ~Heather

Hi Heather, So sorry you're feeling blue, but it's really important for you to say all this out loud, so to speak.This is a good place for support. I hope it doesn't last too long and you're able to ENJOY the holidays. Give us a yell either way. Take care, Sue

Heather, I can feel your lonliness and am wondering if you have thought of something fun that you can do this holiday season and look forward to with each succeeding year? There are organizations that supply nonessential 'jobs" with volunteers. You can go with a friend, or not, but trust me, everyone there wants to be happy and help out in some way. Each year, on TV, I see volunteers cooking for the homeless, working in hospitals, painting houses for the elderly and many more activities that I could go on and on about. The most important part of this 'giving' is that all envolved are having a good time and working as a group to accomplish something for someone else all while still enjoying themselves.