Very upset and not sure how to handle this...

I'm not sure if anyone else has had to deal with this but any advice is helpful right now. I have 8 days left before surgery and tonight my sister chose to tell me that she doesn't want me to discuss any parts of my surgery pre- or post- with her. She is dead set against me having this and everything with it. She thinks it's too quick, doesn't agree with my Dr., etc. Basiclly she is negative about the whole thing. She is in medical school and told me not to look at her as my sister but as my doctor. Where she is doing training right now they have alot of WLS patients with complications two three and more years out. Abdominal pains and no reasoning for it. The more I think about this the more upset I become and that is not something I need this close to surgery. I chose not to tell anyone about my decision until I was ready to meet with the surgeon for the first time. I have researched this, soul searched this for a very very long time before coming to the decision to have surgery and her words hurt me. I just told her fine and changed the subject so as to avoid an argument. She may think this is quick, and yes it is quick from the date of my meeting the surgeon to having my surgery but it is not quick decison-wise It's not like me just waking up one morning and saying oh let's let someone cut me open, re-arrange my body parts and woohoo quick fix. It took ALOT to come where I am now. One would think she was an older sister....nope she is 10 years younger than I am. I don't know how to handle her attitude, I don't know what to say to her and I feel she is shutting me out...this is a MAJOR decision in my life and I really thought she was going to at least be there for me even if she didn't agree. Sorry for the long post I am just upset and need to get past this so I can go into surgery feeling positive. Thanks! Heather

Heather, I'm so sorry that your having to deal with this right now. She's seeing a negative outcome to the surgery, so I can understand her feelings. It's probably a good idea to drop the issue with her and for her to drop it with you. It's a decision that you've researched and that your going through with. All you both have to know is that you love each other. Once your on the melting side and feeling good, I'm sure she'll come around. She's just scared. Keep the faith, and don't let it get you down. Keep us updated. TraciL P.S. Any chance that she could have a chat with your surgeon??

Heather - There's not much more I can add to what Traci and Terry already said, they said it all!!! Just please know that we're here for you and wish you well! Take care, Teresa

Heather, Sounds like the best option for you to do is to respect that she does not want to know about it and don't discuss it with her. The thing about her being against it is really her own problem. For as long as she is a student, whether it be actual med school or nursing school or whatever, never look at her as your doctor. She's your sister who has had an opportunity to see medical complications, probably from every situation with WLS being one of them. Listen, as a brief example, she's probably going to see a ton of people who are in serious complication from pregnancy, will her medical opinion be to never have kids??? She's your sister, she not a doctor, at least not yet, and right now, she's just scared that something will happen to you. All you can do now is respect her wishes and prove her wrong and maybe after your success, she'll have a change of heart. Best of luck

Heather- Don't let this get you down. In 8 days you are getting the most precious tool to become a more healthier you. Your sister is showing comcern. She will become your sister (not docotor) as soon as you come home and see's that you need a sister not a doc. Things happen for a reason and you have done your research and you know what your doing. You picked the docotr you wanted and he does these surgerys constintly and he knows whats hes doing. Everything will be ok. Your sister will see as soon as the operation is over. Your emotions are all over the place right now and you just have to at the end of the day take a deep breath and remember why your doing this FOR YOU AND NOBODY ELSE. were here for you if you need anything dont hesitate. Take care and cant wait to hear about your experience when you come home. Take Care Kelly

Heather, You know, I have decided not to tell my family/friends about me getting surgery. I think it would be less stress for me. Some people don't look at things the way the decider looks at things. They become very closed minded, negative, judgemental and ignorant to the subject. I hear people in the hair salon, class, work etc talking about the WLS' s and they all sound like children in pre-school, meaning need to learn before speaking on it. I find it very healthly not to try to debate anyone, everyone can have thier own opinion, but I really find it very very helpful to keep it to myself. If you need to speak with someone, ask for an angel from this site. I can imagine my family and friends questions, but guess what that would be least of worry.

Hi Heather. I know that this is very upsetting for you how your sister is acting right now. I try to remind myself that others don't know all of the wonderful things that WLS brings to our lives. I have found that typically the negative things in WLS are what most people know about. It's just like the evening news...the worst stuff is always in the headlines! The good news doesn't get but a quick blip, if that. Just try to allow your sister to have her space on this issue right now. She will see how well you are doing and will get a new perspective on WLS. It's all about education, and right now she isn't getting a complete education on WLS and it's effects. Cling to those around you right now that are supportive. The nay sayers will come around when they see how great you are doing! Hugs and prayers, Robin

Hi Heather, I had a similar situation in that I had several family members who were not only negative but down right nasty!! Not that my suggestion will cure world hunger, but it worked for me.... I developed a line that was short and sweet and I memorized it constantly so that in the heat of the moment it would come easy... The line I came up with was.... I appreciate your concern but I am very comfortable with my decision.... It does not invite further discussion....btw, not sure if your sister really means she doesn't want to discuss or if she is somehow using that as a tool to beat you with.... I would take her at her word...do not discuss with her...and come up with your own line.... It goes something like this... Sister: Heather, I am so concerned for you...you don't see what I am seeing....who is your doctor again? I don't understand why he is doing XXXX.... Heather, butts in....Sister, I really appreciate your concern, but I am very comfortable with my decision. Have you spoken to Aunt Betty recently? Did you see the latest Dancing with the Stars?... You get the idea? It can only be a discussion IF both of you continue talking.... I know I make it sound easy, but it can be...I promise... I am 2.5 years out, down 135 lbs to BELOW goal...yes below my goal...because I didn't think I could get here...I now wear a size 6 pant...my weight is NORMAL!!!! I have no health problems, I take my vitamins, etc...started at a 22/24. Having WLS was the smartest thing I ever did for myself...my health, my internal peace...you get the idea. I thank all the WLS'ers who went before me...and especially those who have shared their experiences, funny, sad, gross, etc.... Best wishes to you Heather...and we are here if you need us...and I do care, I do appreciate the time you have spent making your decision, and I PROMISE to always value and respect your life choices!! Best wishes to you Heather!!! I am saving you a seat next to me!!! RAE

Heather hi, sorry you are going thru one more extra stress that you don't need on you...your sister sounds like mine (oh well they need to get an interest in their own lives and not try to live others). I think we all thought long and hard before comitting to this life changing decision and did the research too. I'm sure she'll come around sooner or later (and if she doesn't it will be sad but you'll be alot healthier and fell so much better). That's why physicians aren't supposed to treat their own family members (they possibly can let their own emotions or personal feelings/beliefs interfere with the best health decision for family memebers). I hope she'll come around for you so you don't feel so bad but at least the rest of your family is there for you (and so are we)! Best of luck! hugs and remember the best is yet to come, pat

Hi Heather, Our situations are similar. My surgery date is Oct. 4th. My sister, although not a doctor, is not supportive of my surgery either. She doesn't want to talk about it at all. One of my best friends is a medical student and she would "prefer" that I not have the surgery. I have other friends who are supportive that I lean on. I also go to a support group every month where I get encouragement. After you have the procedure done and you are losing weight, and feel and looking better she will hopefully come around. Elizabeth