BUTT-KICKING NEEDED (AND WELCOME!)

Well, I'm kind of ticked at myself - my normal state these days. My Dad brought home donuts yesterday, which didn't bother me, I don't care for them after working at a donut shop for 3 years, I can't stand the smell. So, this morning while I'm having my coffee, what do I do but eat 1/4 of a donut. Granted, in the past, even though I don't like them, I would've eaten 2 of them, this doesn't make me feel any better. WTH is my problem? I have been more stressed of late, $$$ issues, Mom & Dad $$$ issues, etc., but this is no excuse. I see my doc on 8/9, which is a week past my 1 year, and I'm almost scared to go. At my 9 month appt., I had asked what they thought a reasonable amount might be for me to lose in the next three months and if I remember correctly, I think they said another 30 pounds. Not sure if 10 pounds a month at months 9, 10 & 11 is reasonable, I know everyone has different opinions, but HELPPPP!!!! I even emailed Miss Dolly (aka Teresa), and pretty much confessed all of my sins to her, and while I appreciate that she's busy, and I do appreciate any kind of support, she only emailed me back with "Hugs - I know it's hard, but you've got to follow the rules to the letter until you reach your goal. Come visit my eating thread on Susan Maria's site." Um....hello? Yes, I know I need to comply, but I need a butt kicking, I guess. I was actually hoping for a little more personal response, I guess, I don't know. I know I need to exercise, but I'm about a week away from my next B-12, and I'm so mentally and physically wiped that if I don't have the kids at night, I just come home and crash. I am going to go to Silhouettes gym on Saturday to check them out. It's a Curves-type gym that offers more than just the circuit - they offer body sculpting, aerobics, etc., and have additional equipment. I need to do this, $$$$ be damned!!! I always feel better after I exercise - WHY CAN'T IT BE ABOUT ME FOR ONCE? WHY CAN'T I DO THIS? WHY DO I WANT TO SABOTAGE MYSELF? AUGHHHHHH! Thanks for letting me vent! Teresa

No butt kicking here .. I don't have the energy this a.m. plus I'm in the same canoe with you! I'm up at 7 pounds from my low and I stay pretty stable but I REALLY need to lose that last 30 or so pounds. I've got an appointment with the doctor in September that I am seriously thinking of blowing off when it gets closer. I can't bear to go and not show a loss. I know I'll have to go next March for my 3 year, but he only said he'd see me in September because I was having anxiety when he said see you in a year .. Last year I as so good about walking every night, and this year I started out walking and the rain in the evenings got me off schedule, now I find reasons not to go. Hang in there, we are gonna get this!!! Hugs, Mo

Sweet Mo - Weird - I thought about not going to my appt. on 8/9, but I need to do it for myself. I believed in myself when I had my surgery, and my surgeon does, too, so I need to do this. He's a great guy, and I know he won't flame me, at least not too much, so I'll go. I am looking into some "help" so we'll see - I've found a social worker who specializes in eating disorders, and am making an appt. today! Thanks, as always, for the support!! T.

Teresea - I am not going to kick your butt but rather share an experience. I had a horrible house fire at about 9 months out which caused me an undue amount of stress which affected my weight loss because I couldn't get on top of the "eating thing". I lost everything in that fire but my life. At one year, I finally made it from a pre-op weight of 307 to a post-op weight of 195 and for there I sat until December of 2005 when I "really" began to fight back (not that 195 was a bad weight). In December I joined Bally's - Curves was not getting it for me - I needed more of a challenge. I was horrified when I weighed in - 202. Shortly there after, I stabaliezed back at my weight of 195 - still not satisfied, In March of 2006, I joined Weigh****chers to better track my nutrition. To make a long story short, I exercise faithfully for 60 minutes 6 to7 times a week - faithfully attend weigh****chers - keep up with my doctors visits and try to follow the rules . At 2 .5 years post op (since March) I have lost about 23 pounds. It is as hard as H*** losing at this stage of the game BUT it is possible. YOU JUST HAVE TO REALLY WORK IT. There are no short cuts. Try not to let that "emotional" eating get the best of you. I think we all get fooled from time to time - and have to take a personal inventory of ourselves. At least it seems that you are aware - now figure out why and how comes you are triggered to do that which you do not want to do. What do you REALLY want? How bad to you REALLY want it? How are you going to go after it? I certainly understand your struggle. And for all of those post-ops under 18 months - my advice to you is to "Work it while you can -- don't press the envelope - get as much weight off by following the rules while you are in the honeymoon period ---cuz once the honeymoon is over - it becomes more difficult to reach your goal." I hope sharing my challenge has helped just a little bit.

Debra - Thank you SO much for sharing! Just knowing others are experiencing similar things really does help. I kind of feel guilty for letting my emotions get the best of me, particularly when others (like yourself), have had much worse! You're right, I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. Thanks for the support, Teresa

I don't think you need us to kick your butt because it sounds like you've already done a good job of that yourself. The fact that you're aware of the behaviors you need to change is half the battle. You know what you need to do, so get busy doing it! (that's the closest I can come to a butt-kicking, by the way..). As for DVR, at my nine month, I specifically asked him how much I could expect to lose between months nine and 12 and he told me that the average was between 5 to 15 pounds TOTAL not 5 to 15 pounds per month. DVR was right on the money because my three-month weight loss for that period was right in that 12 to 15 pound range. So, don't fret about your next visit. I'm sure you're fine. Hugs, Tracy

Thanks, Tracy! Boy, that felt good!!! I'm very good at beating myself up and am my own worst enemy. Maybe I misunderstood him? I know all is not lost, it's just soooo frustrating! Thanks, Teresa

Angel - Thanks so much for responding when you have so much going on in your own life. Yep, I know exactly what I need to do, I'm so disciplined and hard on myself I wonder why this is so difficult mentally. I knew from the get-go that this is a tool, I certainly didn't expect it to be a piece of cake, although if it was, it would be s/f!!!! On Saturday, I'm going to Silhouettes for Women, which is a Curves-type local gym. I say Curves-type, because while they offer the circuit, they also offer different classes and have various exercise equipment, while Curves doesn't. I have a free week's pass, which should get me to next payday. So once I check it out and decide if I like it, and I'm sure I will, then I can join for about $40 a month. My protein, water, vits, etc., are never a problem, it's just that darn snacking. Even though I can't eat anywhere near the quantity of before, I know that for me, just a little can open up some evil doors. So I'm working on it. So thanks again for your words of wisdom. That's all I really wanted from Dolly, just in more detail, I guess. Thanks again, Teresa - lap rny 8/2/05 - 370/236/170