It's the small things.....

So I'm still really struggling to get back on track.  When I went to Edmonton this month 3/4 professionals were really supportive; the internal medicine doc "tore me a new one" so to speak.  I'm not managing my diabetes.  BAD.  I get it.  I have 3 major chronic illness' that I deal with.  Depression, a blood clotting disorder and diabetes.  I have a hard time managing all 3 and while my thinking is always flawed, I see it this way:  If I get depressed and kill myself, I'm dead.  If I get more blood clots, the likelihood of death or serious stroke are good.  If my diabetes causes blindness, amputation or impaired kidney function -- I am at least alive.  The food I'm supposed to eat for diabetes can cause my blood levels to go wacky for the blood disorder.   I am a person who needs validation.  You don't have to agree with me, just try and understand where I'm coming from. 

My Edmonton NUT told me I don't have to eat bread to get grains servings.  I needed to hear this because it was earlier encouraged and my carb monster can not handle bread in small quantities.  It's still hard to get back on track.

My brother has lost 80 pounds in 5 months with Xenadrine (illegal in the USA but ok here), exercise, diet changes.  Learned today from my mom he has joined some meal program where he eats 2 meals and snack of "the program" food and can eat dinner from a list of approved foods.  I cried today when I saw his picture, I think my mom thinks I've gone off the deep end.  I don't know how to explain that when I see his success, it reflects my failure.  I lost 40 and gained it back.  I know that men's metabolism is different and that is another reason he's doing well.

The good news (which is what I was planning to post in the first place) is that my office has recently moved to HSC and the walk from  the parkade to the office adds steps.  Historically my steps have been 2300-3000 on a really good day.  Yesterday was 6200 and today was 4500.

Apparently today is a day I wish I could turn off my humanity.  Here's to a better tomorrow.

Hang in there, it will get better.  You are not a failure, you have different cir****tances with your health than your brother and each one of us are made unique in how our body functions.   I know I could not have lost 100 pounds without the surgery and I have tried many diets and failed, so I understand how you feel.  Take care and all the best to you

Alvina

Keep your chin up!  And its awesome that your activity has increased! Thats reason to celebrate!

I also know what a struggle it is to loose weight, and then to keep it off....that is something I was NEVER able to do either. As you know, I lost 50 pounds in 6 months before I had my surgery in May...I cut my calories in half just by replacing my meat and carbs with veg and fruit. I started by making 2 vegetables and a huge salad every night for supper. I took only 1/2 of the meat I would normally eat and only a taste of potatoes/rice or pasta. I really tried to stay away from carbs, including bread, but did not eliminate them, just cut back big time and replaced them with more fruits and veg. . This way, I still had a taste and didn't feel deprived and dieting.
For breakfast, rather than toast, I would have a fruit salad ( cut up apple, banana, blueberries or strawberries and mix in some yogurt.). Or if I really felt like cereal, then I would make oatmeal and cut up 1/2 banana or blueberries on top. Lunch, I would make a salad and 1/2 tuna sandwhich, followed by a piece of fruit.
MY mother, whom I had living with me at the time, would look at my plate and say " are yoy going to eat ALL OF THAT". It looked huge, but, that was the only way I
could fillup was by eating a huge amount of vegetables and salad. And it worked. I lost 2 pounds a week for 6 months until I had my surgery. AT night, I made jello and again would eat an apple or fresh strawberries with some yogurt. As I started to loose and the aches and pains became less and less, I was able to start walking. In the evening, find something to do to keep your mind and hands busy...or get out of the house, go window shopping for what you would like to buy when you are a size 14.. I never thoughtnI would EVER get below that, but right now I am a size 10/12... Never in my life to I ever remember being this small.....SO!! I did it, so can you!!! Just focus on the end result...you can do it TOO!!!! barb. C, BCwaiting.