Marriages

Someone on here mentioned there is a high divorce rate among wls people. Is it because the newly, thinner person doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore? Or perhaps the spouce is no longer attracted? My hubby of 1.5 years says he loves me the way I am, all 280 lbs of me. That he's attracted to women with 'meat on their bones'. He says he will support me, 1000%. I'm just scared he may not be attracted to the healthier, leaner me. And I would lose him. He is an AMAZING guy who treats me like a queen. But I need to do this for myself. I have my big meeting at the vic next week. Where I get to see the shrink. I'm scared to confess this to her, as it may delay things. On a million percent sure, I'm doing this. I know he will be there for me... for now. One other thing. Can you control HOW much weight you lose? I don't want to become a rail. Hugs!

Apparently the divorce rate after WLS is 85%.  That's a scary number however from everything I've seen/heard and after discussing it in our craving change session there's more to it than the surgery.  If you have a rocky relationship now the surgery will not help make it better.  If you have a great relationship the surgery could help make it even better.  Theories on this are:

You already complain he doesn't want to do anything you want = after the surgery you'll want to be more active and go out, if he doesn't want to do that with you it puts additional strain on the relationship.

If he's insecure = after surgery as you lose weight you'll gain more confidence.  You'll need to spend more time reassuring him. 

If you have a happy relationship now, losing weight = more energy, additional positions ,more confidence, more going out...

The rate scares me so I keep my hubby informed on everything and we discuss the different changes, what if men start to hit on me? Will he start going for walks/jogs/hikes with me? etc. etc. 

Some relationships are just terrible (abuse, lying, cheating, spouse addiction, etc, etc). As a generalization heavier people have lower self esteem, thus in turn will tolerate more negativity from their spouse because they either believe they are worthless and deserve the pain, or they believe that nobody else will "love them". With the weight loss surgery, self confidence increases and one may realize they deserve more out of life, and will no longer tolerate being treated badly, and feel that they can make it on their own, and leave.

 

Good luck to you.

i am 16 mths post op and my marriage of 18yrs this month  is strong as a rock.my hubby loved the old me and loves the new me even more.he was with me 100% when i decided to have the surgery.he has been nothing but helpful and encouraging along this journey.that being said i know he gets tired of hearing about wls stuff lol but he listens to what i have to say and offers his opinion about what clothes look good or what new food i should try.he even talks about plastics with me and has done some reserch on his own.(not that he wants me to have it ).but he knows that i am not happy with the excess skin.i

hope this helps a little

sondra

I believe my hubby will stay with me and I don't want to leave him. He asks me candid questions and I answer honestly.  We have been through good times and bad over the 23 years we have been married and nothing has torn us apart yet so I'm keeping my faith!  I agree with the others. It depends on what your relationship is before WLS.  If it is not based on love and trust, maybe there are risk factors that will damage things beyond repair.

Then there are those who want to get their self esteem back and can't wait to dump a bad relationship.

Best of luck to everyone and I hope everyone gets what they want after surgery!

Personally I think a lot of women " settle" when they are overweight. I think you accept things that you wouldn't if you felt better about yourself and your body. Having a good man, a good relationships and getting your needs met are important but for a lot of women when you are obese it feels like you don't have a choice.  You accept things that you shouldn't or wouldn't.  Suddenly thinner , the world opens up and options appear.  Men may start hitting on you. You also have more self confidence and may demand that things be different. 

I also know people who married young, and overweight. Didn't sow those wild oats...  Lost the weight and suddenly they get their youth back... want to go out and party. Doesn't often work with marriage. Especially if you have an inactive lifestyle with your spouse.

If you have a good marriage , It can and often will improve or survive. A bad marriage... not going to get much better and probably won't survive.

Most people only lose 60-80% of your excess weight. ( on avg if you are 100 lbs overweight odds are you will lose 60-80 lbs only statistically)  Losing that last 20-30 lbs is tough! your body requires fewer calories and your capacity increases around that time. It takes much more work.

Wow! Thank you for the AWESOME replies! I feel we have an amazing and strong marriage. We have fantastic communication and affection. I include him in every new detail I learn about wls and he seems very eager to know every detail. The more I think of this, the more confident we will be just fine. Hugs!