New to the forum - Questions about family acceptance

Hello!

I've been stalking for a little while, but I finally have the courage to post something today! 

I talked to my husband about having weight loss surgery, and while he wants me to be happy he is also terrified about the possible complications and long term effects. I also told my mother, but that's a whole other story.

I feel embarrassed about thinking that this is even an option for me when my family thinks I'm crazy for considering something so invasive. I guess they haven't had to be the "fat girl" since they were a child, either.

I just turned 30, and I feel like I need to make this change now, and I just really don't know how to get my family's support. Any ideas or past experience?

Hello,

Great that you are reading the posts and asking questions.  Everyone here will speak up and tell you about their experience. 

I had surgery 4 years ago and did not tell my family until I saw the surgeon and until I was accepted.  I wanted to be sure about the surgery and not persuaded by others in my family, as my mother and sister were quite scared of any types of surgery.  It is YOU, who is going for the surgery and using this tool for the future.  My family did come around and really is supportive of my decision and is very helpful with my lifestyle changes but your family should not decide for you!  Hope that helps!

Diane

All surgeries come with risks.  Since you have been fighting this all your life, I would think its a good option for you.  Do whats right for you.  Once your family learns what the risks are if you don't have the surgery over the long term, they may agree with you.  You face the risk of diabeties, heart disease, sleep aponea, among others.  Do as much research as you can on the different surgeries and find out which one is the best for you.  I chose the Duodenal switch, most have RNY or the sleeve.  Good luck with your decision.  Barb.

Yes, all surgeries come with risks, but, as my doctor said , the risks of having surgery are far fewer than doing nothing and the benefits outweigh by far. She told me, if I continued on the obesity road, I would have far more health problems than I already had and I was far better off taking the chance of having surgery. It scared me to death, the thought, but once I got my head around that and agreed with her, there was no going back. My family were against it also, but they were't walking in my shoes with a lifetime of being over weight (age 2-54), all the pain, arthritis, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, not to mention, never being able to participate in things others did so effortless and find anything to fit!
I had the VSG. my family now sees the difference it has made in my life..no more meds, hardly any pain, sleep apnea almost gone and I have gone from size 22/24 to size 12/14 over this past year. They see, I am so much healthier, and happier and they now support me 100%. I think it was more of a thing of the past, little knowledge and stigma that was the problem before. Now, surgeries are so much better, and safer, I am so glad I followed my heart and did it, and I think they would all agree with me now. You have to do what is right for you! Good luck. P.S.There is a meet and greet tonight if you want to drop by.
Barb C. (BCwaiting)

Welcome Garrygirl!  We're all happy to be here to support you, whatever your decision.  Do you know anyone who has had WLS  that you can hold up as an example to your family as a success?  You probably know of the meet and Greet tonight and I would recommend coming!  You will meet so many successful people, some with scary stories (but not many and ALL who would do it again) As much as we love our families, they don't walk in your shoes or have your dreams and with some education, they will hopefully come around.

Hi there 

I had surgery in February in Mexico, the VSG. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm 54 years old. I had sleep apnea (gone as far as I know; I quit using my CPAP and my husband says I don't snore any more), had a sore back all the time (no more), was short of breath walking a few feet (can walk as long as I want to now). 

I was very fortunate that my husband supported me 100% (even with having to pay for the surgery - I chose to go to Mexico because of the long wait, although I didn't even find out about the program here until after I started investigating the surgery a year ago). I didn't tell anyone else I was having the surgery except my sister-in-law (who has also been a friend since we were 12) and that was only accidental. She offered to come to Mexico with me and she did.  She thought I was crazy for having the surgery, but supported me anyway.  

It was several weeks before I told anyone else.  I haven't had anyone tell me they think I shouldn't have done it. Most people are very happy for me that I'm finally able to lose weight. From all the posts I've read here and elsewhere, most people don't tell anyone except their spouse until afterwards. That way you don't have to deal with anyone else's opinions clouding your decision.

This is something you need to consider doing for yourself and your health. As others have said, every surgery has possible risks. You need to weigh the benefits against the risks. Most people on here have not had any problems with surgery or afterwards. A few have had problems. The statistical risks overall are low, though. 

Since there is such a long wait, why not have your doctor refer you now anyway? If you change your mind when the time comes, you can do that, but in the meantime you will have yourself on the list if you're accepted and meet their criteria.

I am waiting for surgery but I have told a few people, namely my Mom who has been super supportive and even arranged to have me talk to a friend's daughter who has had WLS. My adult daughter knows and a couple of friends. I will not be telling my inlaws as they are very negative and I just don't need that.

My hubby is concerned as well about complications and I have told him he needs to come to the consult with me and have his questions answered as well. I think the turnaround has been him seeing how much happier I am since losing almost 35 lbs and hears the hope in my voice when I talk about a future with better health and mobility.

I think by talking to the ladies here you will find alot of support and encouragement. I wish I could be at the meet and greet tonite as I really want to meet these girls in person.I also need some new clothes as I am hoping to have surgery soon and would rather go out and buy smaller clothes...

I didn't tell my parents, family or friends with the exception of the "need to know" crew. That included my husband, my kids, my sis in law (she was watching my baby while I was in hospital) and a couple of my girlfriends.  I didn't tell my parents until I picked them up from the train station. They noticed right away that I had lost weight so I told them right there. My mom is a huge worrier and would have driven my dad mental with the out loud wondering..LOL I told people slowly afterwards. I am still telling people and I and almost 2 yrs out.  I am not by nature a medical person. So to take this step was HUGE for me. Some people cried when I told them..you know this is a personal choice for me. I didn't do it for JUST me, I did it for my awesome family and my awesome friends and my superb husband who has loved me through this all. Even he didn't fully support me, but he did his very best and that rocked. I had a tiny complication and he dealt with that almost as well as I did.

 

I think what worked for me was being as honest as I could about why I was doing this and what would change, good or bad. I talked about running and not wheezing to death, riding bikes with my kids, fitting in our van better, finding clothes more easily, eat better, be a good example for my kids..etc! Just talk about what is motivating you to do this.  Tell them why you choose one surgery type over the others..Just start talking! GOOD LUCK!!!

I am very happy you asked this question and that so many responses came back.  I guess I've been wondering the same thing.  I have told my parents, my spouse, my children, a sister in law and brother in law.  Those are the people I felt would support me the most.  I do have lots of people in my family that I won't tell until after I have the surgery.  I think sometimes they can be too judgmental.  You know, say things like, why don't you just eat less or exercise more.  They don't get it!  Once it's done, I don't care what they have to say! 

Anyway, the people who have posted already are all correct!  You do this for yourself and your health and build your support team in your family.  I met some of them at the meet and greet tonight and they are wonderful with so many supportive stories.

I did not tell anyone in my family until after my surgery that I was having it done.  I am now 5 months out and have pretty much told everyone except for the people that I work with.  People notice that I eat MUCH less when we are at work functions, but I just tell them that I use portion control and don't eat carbs anymore. Which is the truth, just not the whole truth.  

I told my dad after I got home from Mexico, and he asked me why I don't just exercise and eat less like he does.. he is finally on board now, and his was the worst reaction that I have got when I tell people.  

The reason I didn't tell anyone before, is because I didn't want to have to justify my decision to anyone, nor did I want to let anyone talk me out of my decision.  It was my decision to make and I spent plenty of time researching and made my decision with my eyes wide open and educated.