sad,ashamed, dont know where to go or who to see

Hi there, I dont know what to say. I'm new to this group.
I have battled weight all my life.  I was 170 in high school and was always called fat, that was back in the 80's.  When I married in 93, I was 212 lbs.  After driving truck for 10 years i gained alot of weight and am now over 300 lbs.
I have survived a brain tumor, had my gallbladder out, complete hysterctomy excpept they didnt remove my cervix as they said it was too hard to reach due to my weight!
I battle depression and Bi polor,.,, I am now on a cpap machine, having major pain with my lower back and 1 knee.. to the point I can barely walk.
my dr refered me to the bariatric unit @ St Boniface Hospital in Winnipeg and they refused me as I didn not meet their criteria.. I got the letter from them, days after my Dr refered me to them.. I immeditaly phoned them, and they said my BMI is too high.. so I am to ask my Dr to refer me else where for surgery... Problem is.. only place in Winnipeg that I know of, will cost me almost $20,000 I dont have that kind of money.. and My Dr doesnt know where else to send me..

I dont eat alot.. my problem is that I am not active alot due to my knee and back.. I eat cereal, toast, pasta as they are cheap and easy to make. I'm not an over eater by any means, I dont eat healthy and i dont eat often.. 

For some reason it seems all my weight is sitting in my lower belly.. the apron i guess i have seen it refered to else where and my thighs...

I am frustrated, angry, ashamed, imbarassed..   I feel like no one else out there understands what I am going thru.. and no matter where you go people stare at you.

I remember as a young teenager my mom would always say, if you just lost some weight, you would be so pretty and the boys will like you!
then it was later said, that I and niave and gullable, other times i would be told by my dad, you ahave to start moving... no one understands that i cant with my knee and back, how can one walk or do things, when with each step you have excruciating pain shoot threw your body.. it gets to a point, i am in so much pain, i cant rest.

i didnt mean this to me a cry/rant, but it just all came out so easily.   why couldnt i be one of the people that have a high matibolizm and is thin all the time...

I guess i have said enough for now.
thank you for letting me vent.
T

 You came to the right place.there are a few options available to you, and there is a ladies on this site that can give you plently of info on the different choices.
i will share what i know, i was refered to an endocrinologist named dr harvey lee. i was refered for my thyroid, which ironically has barely been discussed. he told me he is an expert at obesity. he refered me to the weight wise program in edmonton in june 2010, and got my assessment nov 2011, i have not had surgery yet. click on my picture and check out my blog, if you are interested. it talks about the trips ive had to take and the hoops i had to jump through. im getting very close. i go for a scope on thursday this week, then i am put on the "surgical wait list" so surg should be may-june. 
im sorry to hear the problems youve had, i hope you can find what you need to improve some of your health issues. any questions, feel free to message me.
best of luck,
niki

Hi Trish

I think Niki's suggestion is an excellent idea.  Has your doctor done blood work to check your thyroid levels or done any other investigations as a possible reason for your weight?  I hoped for years that I had a thyroid problem (!) to explain my weight, but I didn't.  Unfortunately the high carbohydrate diet you eat won't help, but you already realize that. That's probably the first place you should start to try to change.  (I wasn't big on pasta, but ate lots of other carbohydrates.) I also had issues with a sore back and pretty much couldn't do anything in the way of exercise.

There are lots of ladies on here who have been referred out of province and could give you information on that.  From what I've read, when/if the bariatric program here ever becomes fully funded by Manitoba Health, anyone who had a referral sent in and didn't qualify will be put on the list.  That is probably a many year wait, though.

I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy on Feb 6 in Tijuana, Mexico.  I had also looked into the lap band here in Winnipeg and when I found out how much it cost, I threw that thought out the window. There's also a lot of maintenance involved.  I wasn't willing to wait to have surgery done in Winnipeg.  I'm one of those people who decides they want something and they want it now, not in a few years!  I still had to pay out of my own pocket (yay line of credit), but the surgery was approximately $7000 (whi*****luded all fees for the surgery plus hotel and transportation while there).  I got a great seat sale which cost under $500.  I know that's still a lot of money, but it's less than half of what it would cost for lap band and it's far superior surgery. 

Unfortunately I'm obviously a very slow loser.  I've only lost 18 lb since surgery (7 weeks), which is pretty discouraging. (I lost 34 before I had surgery.)  Everyone else I've seen who has had surgery probably had lost 50 lb (or a lot more) at this point.  

I hope you can get some help somewhere.

I have always had a low thyroid and I am on a medication for it. Mind you it only gets checked a couple of times a year, but my medication never gets adjusted as it seems to be fine.  My Dr is always shocked when I have my yearly medical as my sugar and Cholesterol are always in his words "perfect" he always says, surprisingly your levels are perfect..  So i must be doing something okay so far for those to be normal.

Don't despair!   You have come to the right place.  There are LOTS of people in your situation or (more importantly) HAVE BEEN in your situation.   There is no easy fix for this and you are REALLY going to want to change to make this happen (okay enough psycho babbble lol)   How far off are you on your BMI?  and your approximate age (you don't gotta tell).  I'm just trying to see how far off you are from meeting the criteria here.

There is a meet and greet this weekend at the Country Inn and Suites, you should come.  I havn't made it to one yet (I live far away) but am trying hard to get to this one.  The ladies there have all had the feelings you are experiencing and can help give you lots of ideas on what is going to need to be done to get you on your weight loss (and self healing) journey

((((hugs)))))))

NGD

Thank you to each of you for the nice welcome...
I have just turned 42, and my BMI is 51.  how often do you's have the meet and greet?  I also have anxiety and the thought of going out by myself to something like this scares the heck out of me.

The first time I went to a meet and greet it was at Starbucks. As I went up the elevator to meet everyone I was tearing up and was worried that I was going to outright cry  because I was so nervous. Once I sat down and started feeling a little better I was very happy that I managed to get up enough nerve to go. The ladies that I have met throught the M&G's are awesome and I am grateful for the support that they offer.  One thing I was telling myself as I went up that elevator is that we have all been "there" and that I probably wasn't the only nervous one. I hope you can come on Sunday.

Trish, please come to the meet and greet this weekend. Everyone is welcomed and you will problably feel beter after you leave, I know I do no matter how discouraged I am before one. We are a friendly group and no matter what your story we will not judge. We share stories tips and tricks. As said above, some of the ladies have gone out of town to places like Mexico, Las Vegas and even Alberta and Saskatchewan. There are ways to get the surgery paid for by Manitoba Health even if you have to go out of province. I am happy that you found us! Hopefully you can come on Sunday. There is an elevator to get to the suite.

Mich

Welcome,
 
That's quite the ordeal you've been through in your life. Your emotions are understandable and you are in the right place to express them. As for finding your way, I went out of province for WLS which MB Health does cover. 7 weeks ago on Febuary 6 in Richmond, BC, I had Vertical Sleeve surgery with DR N. NGYUEN. He is an excellent surgeon and the program set up is very good and aftercare is included. http://www.westcoastbariatricsurgery.com/

Come out to the Meet & Great

I just checked out that site for Richmond BC.  How many times did you have to go back and forth to Richmond?  or were they able to do some stuff here? what all can you tell me? that I can pass on to my family Dr when I see him in May.  Yes it is hard to see my Dr I booked this apt the beginning of March. Thank you for passing along the link as I did not know that they even exsisted.

If I can maybe get my sister or a friend of mine to come along with me on the weekend, perhaps I will make it to your meet and greet.

thank you ladies,

Trish