Family Support

Hi! Posting again....as I said earlier, I'm a student at BC and I'm looking into WLS. I'm considering surgery but my family is against it - they do NOT want me to have this surgery because they're worried about risks and see it as an "easy way out". They're urging me to give dieting just one more chance and they think that I can lose the weight without surgery. I have doubts about this but considering that I still have reservations about surgery, I don't know what to say to them. I'm really starting to see surgery as the best option for me because it's my best shot at significant, permanent weight loss. Any suggestions on what to say/do? Thanks! ~Jen

#1 - ask them what they think is so EASY about this surgery... because it is anything BUT easy Liz -48

Everyone around me was against the surgery too, but they have all "come around" now - you need to do what is right for YOU, hun - no one else Liz -48

As Liz says, there is nothing easy about this surgery! It is tough going the first few weeks, there are complications that are not necessarily life threatening, but do slow down recovery and your relationship with food is changed forever! I am older and had several comorbidities but you need to speak with your family about several things like, how much weight do you have to lose, how many times you've tried in the past, your family risk for comorbidities even if you don't have any now. Do they want you to wait until you do have diabetes or hypertension? I don't know if I could have handled the life changes necessary for this surgery while I was college age (although God knows I was unecessarily starving myself most of the time to maintain a weight that was about 15 lbs more than I would have liked). Just carefully balance the pros and cons, do your research and you will know what the right decision should be. NEMC is doing some amazing research with non-surgical interventions which may be available in the next 5 years or so (a gastric pacemaker to help people feel full sooner) so being young and perhaps relatively healthy, it might be your choice to wait and see what comes up . I think going through this whole process leading up to surgery also helps us to form a different relationship with food and to become more honest with ourselves about food and how we deal with it. Good luck! Luann LAPRNY 9/14/04 -38 since process began

Hi Jen, I know exactly what you are going through. I too am considering WLS and my family is opposed. My husband is coming around because he sees how unhappy I am and in pain, with plantar fasciitis, blown out knees, back problems. And, I'm a teacher, and its all flared up because of teaching and my weight. He has also spent twenty years watching me gain and lose over and over, from 25-75, and now needing to lose 100. My oldest daughter was against it until she realized how unhappy I am, and how frustrated. She is almost 18 and has finally come around and said, "I don't like it, and I'm afraid, but if it will make you healthier and happier, ok." My younger daughter is still dead set against it. She's 16, a *****ubby herself, and sooooooo scared that I will die. When I mention it she just cries. I talked to my primary care doctor and he actually gave me some really good advice, and insight. He just helped me to realize that my children are used to me being and looking as I am now. They don't remember me thin, and to them, I'm perfect. AND, did I want to open up the idea of WLS to my younger daughter? Why would'n't I want her to get it too?THEN he talked to me about my husband being handicapped, and how he must certainly have a security in me being overweight and "seeming" less attractive to other men, especially considering how incredibly jealous he is any way. So, I sympathize with you, and until someone has tried and tried to lose, and feels like a "loser," and a failure, they have no idea what it is like. I would pull the old, "If you love me, then you will support my decision and realize that I will need you more now than ever, because you know what, I'm scared too, but feel this is the best decision for me." WHAT can they possibly say to that? Good luck, and please let me know what you decide. Also, do you have any idea where you are considering going? Good luck. Janet S.

HI Jen, This is not the easy way out. It is hard work and a total life style change. I was lucky to have support from all my family and friends. But, others that had the same situation as you had their family members go to the orientation meeting and post-op support group meeting on the third Monday. They also had their family meet with the surgeon at that visit. After attending the meetings and seeing the surgeon, the families were more supportive. This is really a personal choice and you have to do what is best for you. Good Luck to you. Sue