tired of failing...

Hi all, I am seriously considering having this surgery. But I have to admit, I am sooooooo scared that I will fail at it. I don't even want to consider having to lose weight even for the surgery. I can diet and lose, but then "fall off" and gain back, all the time feeling like a BIG failure. Has anyone else felt this way? And, how have you dealt with just not chewing? My understanding is that for about 3 weeks everyone only drinks, and mostly carnation instant breakfasts...then to soft food/soup. Is this about right? Finally, did any of you get static from your family about having the surgery? My teenage daughters do NOT want me to have it. They are afraid of the risks, death especially. One last thing, you folks are great, and I can't thank you enough for your openness and honesty. It's so nice to know there are people who have felt the way I do and have made it through. Bravo, and thank you. Janet S.

Well Hi Janet You sound like my lost twin sister or something ........... lol gggggggeeesssss.............. Just what my life has been like I yoyo diet lose 20 put back 25. I have done it all my life. As far as static goes Yes I have from my mom I am 44 nit 14 but she has a tuff time letting go. But I also am getting great support from my husband and kids so I just take from that and try to ingnore the negitive. On thing that stoped my mom was when she asked me "arent you scared of the surgery" I looked at her and said "not half as scared as I am to die from beaing this big". I just see myself at this rate in a doubble wide casketin no time. Just keep reserching it and be comfortable with the Doctor and hospital. You will do just fine Good luck and keep in touch Loretta

Hi Loretta, Thanks for your reply. I haven't met with my primary yet either, but am to do so by the end of september. I know he will think its a good idea to lose weight, and expect him to be supportive. My Mom is supportive, and my husband is fairly supportive, everyone is simply nervous about the recent death reports in the paper. Do you have any ideas on a hospital or surgeon yet? I was very much leaning toward New England Medical, but after being there the last two days with my mother and a heart condition I can't believe what a pain in the butt it is to get through. Of course, being 300lbs with horrible plantar fasciitis doesn't help. I can't believe I'm actually basing my hospital/surgery on walking distance! This is pathetic...lol. OMG! Well, Please keep in touch and let me know how you make out. BTW, how old are your kids? My girls are almost 16 and 18 and whew, my 16 y/o is really scared. Talk soon and thanks again. Janet

Hi Janet, Welcome to the board! I am still pre-op, but I can tell you I've felt the way you are in the past. The very best way to overcome fear is with education! I swore 3 years ago when I started working with the department of nutrition and weight loss at my hospital that I would never have surgery. Well, 3 years of trying and 20 lbs heavier, I am waiting for surgery on Sept. 14. Take the time to find out everything you need to know about this surgery. Scour this website. Talk to people in your community who have had the surgery. Once you do, you will be amazed at how people have had this. I started out knowing 1 person who had the surgery and within the past 9 months have found out 5 others have also had the surgery. I have gotten the most scared reaction from the teen age girls in my circle of family and friends. My youngest son has been very scared about it too (he's 12). They have only heard the sensation in the news with the deaths last year, they don't get to hear about the wonderful successes. Also, kids don't like us to to change. Educate them along with yourself and assure them that you will still be their mom, only one who is happier and healthier! Good luck! Luann

Dear Janet, I think the fear of failure at this is in the back of all of our heads. After all, surgery is considered a "last ditch effort" to help rid us of the obesity. If we fail at this last resort.....what does that say about us? All I can tell you is that only you can make the decision about surgery. It is a change in your whole lifestyle. In my case, it is a welcome change. I went into this surgery with the mindset that if I was going to out myself and my family through this....I was going to do it right....follow all the rules. I can say that I have done that. I am a healthier, more active mother because of what I chose to do. As I said before....only you can make this decision for yourself. If your teenage daughters need some re assurance.....I can volunteer my teenage daughters to help talk to them. They have seen what this surgery has done for me. I know they would both be happy to speak to your daughters very honestly. Kim

No ,Janet you are not alone i myself have had my doubts.And also have played the diet games to reach myself at least at 300 + lbs feeling lousy and my health in danger .I too am scared to death but i am more afraid of not being around to watch my son grow up .And am tired of not living .I want to be free and to play again .For so long we are trapped in our bodies.I myself am tired of chewing ...lol .You have to be ready for this surgery mind ,body,and soul..This is my third time applying for applicationation and such but this time i felt more ready than ever .i have no secound thoughts .still scared of course .U are not alone .And it normal to be scared .here for you LIsa

You are not alone with all those feelings. You can always go thru all the preperations and still back out. But you will learn a lot of interesting things along the way. In the beginning the fluids don't get bothersome until week 3, and then I started blending my CIB with ice and eating with a spoon. Also eat your broth with a spoon along with your family at dinner time. Then it doesn't always seem like you drink everything. I will tell you this is the best thing I could have done with my life. I enjoy it so much more. And now that I have lost so much weight I know the tool (the pouch) will help keep me in control. And honesty I feel so much better I stick to the diet to make sure that I stay feeling great. Best of luck. Dawn -96

Hi Janet, I don't think there was one amongst us that wasn't scared. The key is to get educated. Go through the program and find out everything you can about the surgery and post-op. I thought about the surgery for a couple years and then finally went to the MGH Weight Center last August, 2003. I had the surgery February 2004. It was the BEST thing I ever did. Was I scared? You bet I was. Even with all the education I received. Would I do it again. Absolutely! Without hesitation. I've lost 75 lbs and counting. Need to lose another 40 to get to "normal" weight. It's amazing how our new "tool" (new small pouch) helps us. For example tonight I had an ear of corn and 4 ounces of swordfish. (you always have to remember to have your protein with every meal). I was still a little unsatisfied, not hungry, but not satisfied after I ate. So I had a triscuit and a slice of cheese. That was it. I was SO FULL after that. Before surgery I would of eaten tons of cheese and crackers BEFORE dinner and if I had swordfish and corn, the corn would of been slathered in butter and I would of been to sure to have a few slices of bread and butter and would continue picking on snacks throughout the night. Now that I'm so FULL, tonight I'll probably have a garden tomotoe or a piece of fruit and that will satisfy! It's wonderful to finally be in control. You always have to remember to eat "mindfully". Be conscious of your decision of what your eating. Not dieting, but aware of what your eating. I really had NO PROBLEMS with this surgery. I had lap RNY. I never threw up once, no bowel problems. The chewing is no big deal. Its just eating slowly. In the beginning for several weeks you have to eat slow and chew. We get so full so fast in the beginning its good to eat very slow to make the food last! Find out everything you can about the surgery then make your decision. If you decide to do it, you won't regret it. I can shop for the first in so many years in the regular clothes department. In a size 14 now. Its fun to shop. Best wishes, kathleen