Reached surgeon's goal but really feeling like doing some 'emotional eating'

Hi all,

I reached my surgeon's goal of 140 pounds on Monday.  That makes 93.5 pounds since surgery day, 101 pounds since my first appointment.  Everything should be great, right?

Not really.  Had to serve husband w/a restraining order 4/16 because he was being so scarily mentally abusive.  Have to find a lawyer (I'm taking names if anyone has a good one to refer) and start divorce proceedings so that I can set up some kind of custody plan for our kids, 6,5 and 3 (they miss him, although my little girl is frightened of him at this point which is what FINALLY brought me into court--just seeing the look on her face made me say "ENOUGH").  Obviously, he needs mental help as well as anger management before I will even consider letting him have the kids unsupervised so I have to file for divorce so that this can be made part of the arrangement. My head is spinning since this all went down this past Friday morning and I've had to try to figure out what I'm going to do and how I'm going to pay for it.  I am a bag of nerves, not sleeping well, etc.

Blah blah blah.  This was a long-time coming, not WLS related.  I haven't been taking very good care of myself  these last few weeks and I'm sure I'm a bit depressed.  I am really pushing the envelope on eating though and this is a BIG problem.  Tonight I took the kids out for ice cream and got one for myself too (have not done that since prior to surgery).  I feel a little lousy but not dumping--which scares me.  I have been just really bad on getting all my protein and water in, just really bad with everything except the supplements (which for some reason have become 'automatic' so at least I'm getting my vitamins)  

I don't know, I guess I just feel like whining.  I'm still losing a little, even with this bad behavior, because overall I don't feel like eating much.  I don't know, I'm trying to be positive and I am having a very good school vacation week with my kids.  I told the kids their dad is 'golfing'; only my oldest has any idea that something is actually wrong and my heart hurts for him.  

I just don't want to derail at this point; I've done so well.  I just have this 'I don't care' feeling when it comes to my health right now.  It's really bad and I need to knock it off.  Thanks for listening to me rant.
Michelle

Michelle,

First, cut yourself some slack.  You are going through a huge period in your life and unfortunately it is all happening at the same time.  First, think on some positives, you are taking your vitamins and you know what you are doing is sabotage; that in itself is a big step. 

Unfortunately, you are going to be going through a lot more in the future and you will need to cope with it and not being able to eat away the stress and pain.  If I may suggest that you get some counseling for yourself to get through this.  It may be beneficial just to talk it out.  You have lost your coping mechanism the day your got your innards rearranged.  Now, you need to find another outlet for that and a counselor may help.

I feel for you and I hope that you will continue to rant here because we are here for you.

Keep your chin up,

Cindy

Ok Michelle you know I'm going to have a lot to say .......

First Cindy is right and has some good advise - As a person who has gone through the surgery - YOU NEED to put you in a good place - you have made such strides - you can't lose that ! And you need to take care of yourself or you aren't going to be able to care for the kids - so you have to do what needs to be done. So forgive your icecream - remember we can have it - just moderation so you're ok - get some skinny cow and have it in the house - so if you want to bring them out - you can have one too - but much less calories (at least less than something I would have !)
You need to continue with the protein and water - I know you know - but I'm telling you anyways - because soon you won't "lose despite bad behaviour" and you don't want to go down that road. So as Cindy said you are aware - that is HUGE. All that being said - take care of you !

I'm right down the street - you KNOW you can call me - and if you didn't know - you know now ! I'm here if you need anything - just let me know ! As the past teacher of one of your children, the present teacher of one, and the future teacher to another one - you know I care about them and you !!! And I mean it when I say I'm here - so call.

Congrats on meeting your goal - hold onto that !!  Be proud and when you feel depressed and everything feels like it's going wrong - focus on what is right - what you have accomplished and let it cheer you up !! Take an old picture of yourself that you don't really like and tape it on the fridge, cabinet - anywhere that you might gravitate towards for comfort food.  That might help you discourage yourself ! Put a present one there too - so when you look at the picture you don't like to keep you from the food - you'll also see what you have accomplished and it will encourage you!

What you are going through is very difficult - and you ARE going to have bad days but try to keep them to a minimum ! We're here !

CINDY!!!!  BIG (((((HUGS))))))  To you!!!
Congrats on your goal.... 
I think Lisa and Cindy both said everything in a nut shell....  BE PROUD OF YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!  

We are here anytime you need to vent!!!

Thanks you guys.  I know what I have to do.  I don't even want the food **** cream and other crap) but I know what I'm doing--I feel like so many things in my life are beyond my control right now that one of the few things I can control is what I eat.  Feeling so lousy about myself, I just feed myself lousy food. 

Now I have to stop but I really do just feel like crap.  I feel defeated and like I've failed my children.  My family is big into "I don't want to get involved" (who can blame them, I guess), which just makes me feel more alone.  All week long I've just felt like crying but I haven't--I can't for some reason. 

I wish I could come to the meeting tomorrow night but I have the kids and no one to watch them. 

I know what I have to do; with your support I'll do my best to do it.  I know what I'm doing in my personal life is the RIGHT thing, but I am sad for the kids.  He hasn't called them all week, which is heartbreaking to me because my son keeps asking.  I'm sure it's all part of his game, exerting the only control he has right now--I can't MAKE him call, so he just won't and who cares if it upsets his children.  He's allowed to contact me for visitation (I let that provision be put in  the restraining order--I didn't have to, but I felt it was best for the kids) and yet he hasn't.  He scurried off to his parents this weekend as opposed to visiting with his kids.  I don't get it.  How did I pick this man to be their father--someone who doesn't give a s*** enough to call them and say "Hi, I am still here"??? I'm so disgusted with myself.

Hey Michelle - no meeting tomorrow night - we rescheduled to MAY 3 - if you don't have a sitter that night let me know - we'll figure something out !!

As for your pick - DO NOT blame yourself - YOU haven't failed these things happen - I know it doesn't help now but it WILL get better !

Just take it one step at a time - DO NOT sabatoge yourself - you have come to far .....

And if you need to talk CALL me - I'm not just the kids teacher - I'm also YOUR friend - and I'm here for you !!!!!!

I'll see you tomorrow - again if you need anything just ask ! You can't do this alone - that's why we're here - to SUPPORT you !!

I just wanted to say hang in there and Lisa and the others advice.  You do not need to go through this alone.  You need to reach out to your friends and make a support system to help keep you strong if you can't find the strength and they will help you.  We are all here for you too.  Your kids aren't failed.  You will be teaching them and showing them how strong of a person you can be and you WILL make it.  You sound like a great Mother and they know they can count on you, and unfortunately will figure out they can't count on their Dad.  Be the bigger person, don't speak ill of him to them, but also don't let him close enough to repeatedly hurt them if he plays games.  You need to concentrate on pulling yourself up and back on track now...you NEED to stay strong for your kids and yourself.  Do not let HIM bring you down, he would be happy I bet to know you were feeling this way...do not let him take this from you!  You may have moments, or weak days but for the most part you need to stay the course... you can do it!

Thanks everyone.  I;m ready for a lot of ups and downs but I know I am doing the right thing.  I found a lawyer that I already love and she has given me some good advice just over the phone (meet with her in person next week).  That at least makes me feel like I have someone 'professional' on my side--my husband's father is an attorney and I'm dreading seeing him on the opposite side of a courtroom--I love him dearly.

My two sisters-in-law were two of my closest friends--talked to them  everyday--and they aren't calling now.  It's like a death, losing his family, especially Sue and Betsey.  I lost my own Dad when I was just 24 so getting married and suddenly having a new father figure was huge to me and I won't have him anymore (my mother-in-law always makes me feel inadequate so I guess I'll get over her pretty quickly).  I'm starting to cry now; this is how my days are going.

I do FEEL the support coming from this board--thank you everybody.  I keep re-reading your messages because they keep me feeling like I have someone rooting for me.  Sometimes it feels that my 'online' friends are the only ones.  Thanks, Michelle

You'd think these people who were your family for so many years would want to stay civil, if not for your relationship at least for the kids... afterall, they are still and will be family even after the divorce and if they are smart, they would keep a good relationship with you too...it just makes it easier for everyone for visits etc, and doesn't make the kids feel guilty.  Whether they think their son/brother is right or wrong, that should not be brought up, but they should still asume you and the kids as family and friends.  I just don't get people...doesn't anyone have any brains in their heads?!  

Some relationships are toxic and need to end, it's not anyone's fault, sometimes it just happens and if you are smart enough to realize this is best for you and your kids, you should be proud of yourself for taking these hard steps.  You can always come here and cry to us, or laugh with us...we are all in this together.  Remember to do what you need to do for your health though, please!!!  Your kids need you to stay strong!