need to be understood

Hi. I have been looking into Lapband surgery for some time and now that i have gone to a seminar at the request of my PCP and had my first appointment with my intended surgeon I have told my mom, my husband and a few very close friends and the reaction from all of my friends has been negative even though I have explain the reasons i have for getting the surgery.My surgeon is having me wait another three months before he will let me start my journey because I WAS a smoker( i know i will be smoke free).My insurance covers the surgery and i basiclly have the Dr's "ok", I just don't know how to handle the negativity.Any thoughts are appriciated.

I'm sorry to hear that people have been negative .. that really stinks!  My mother was really hesitant at first and I felt like I didn't have her support.  She eventually came around.  I hope your family and friends will come around too.

I didn't really have too much negativity before my surgery, so I don't know exactly how you feel.  I have however gotten some negativity after my surgery.  I haven't told many people but it sure gets around a small workplace.  I have had people saying stuff like "I know people who have failed" "make sure you follow the program or you'll fail too" "you'll just end up gaining the weight back."  No matter what people say it will always hurt.

If you truly want the surgery - go for it.  You are the only person you can do it for - if it feels right to you then that's what matters.  I hope people will start to see that this will be a positive change.  Hang in there!! 

Just your friends were negative? Ditch em for now!! This is all about you and only you. Really ..their opinions don't matter! I didn't tell any friends specifically. I just kept everyone on a mutual update through Myspace and Facebook. Some asked questions ..some didn't. Even after my best friend saw me for the first time after I lost weight I think she was shocked and not because I looked great but because she only knew me as a heavy friend. Going through this whole process can be hard on your nerves ..the last thing you need is negative people raining on your happy parade. It's time to take a "time out" with these people and point blank tell them it's not about them it's about you and you are doing this for YOU!

Most of the negativity you are getting is probably b/c they do not know that much about it, and only hear the horror stories...and they are probably worried for you.  You have to make sure you are fully educated yourself and KNOW that it is right for YOU, no one else.  By the time your journey starts, you'll probably know a lot more and feel more confident that this IS the right decision for you (if it is) and won't care what people say to you.  I just answered, "well, this IS the right thing for me to do and my doctor, husband and me all think so, and that's all I need."  If they can't be supportive to you, you need to go find people who will be.  Make sure you regularly go to support group mtgs and come here.  Good luck to you!!

i agree with Mara, a lot of negativity is due to pure ignorance.  Most people only know about a celebrity that had WLS and gained it back or some friend of a friend of a friend's uncle who died - 20 years ago from a procedure no longer done. 

Yes, there are risks to surgery.  Just like there are risks to being morbidly obese. 

Thank people for their concern, offer to educate them if you want - or just ask that they support your decision or keep their negativity to themselves.  Most people come around when they see you successful, happy and healthy.

I 3rd everything Maura said!!!!!
Honestly I wish I didn't tell as many people I did prior to surgery.... I got lots of negativity.... bUT WHAT MATTERED MOST WAS MY MOM, SISTER AND MY 2 BEST FRIENDS SUPPORTED ME 110% THAT'S ALL I NEEDED....

Now I want to shout from the roof tops "I LOVE MY GASTRIC BYPASS" !!!!  I have no problems telling people what I did.... No regrets at  all !!!
This is your decision and don't let others change that for you !!!!
Best of luck and keep us posted!!!

I agree. It's not about them, it's about you. I didn't tell too many people because someone I knew  had negative comments as if I asked them for their unsolicited advice. I'm 2 1/2 months out and I love it. No regrets (okay, maybe I would have done it sooner). I feel great and that is all that matters. My family was supportive but I made sure if they knew I started the conversation with..."I'm not asking your opinion, I'm just including you in my support circle but you dont have to stay if you can't handle it. I've decided to have weight loss surgery and I'm excited." Nip it before it starts. If you fil then you tried and that is all that matters. Otherwise tell them something they dont want to hear like thier husband's having an affair...LOL just joking. Do your research and make sure you're doing it for you and minimize the list of people who know. You'll have more energy and feel great. Congrats on the first steps of your journey.