relationships... x-post
Some relationships get so damn hard with surgery.
No matter how you tell yourself you love your partner's mind, sometimes, it's just not the whole story. Surgery sucked the sex drive right out of me... which is a terrible problem. My partner has his own eating disorder, which is another terrible problem. I'm shrinking and doing great, he's binge eating and stealing some of my food.... To add insult to injury, yesterday he said "You're beautiful, but you don't have the same curves you used to".
I knew it would be hard, with one person fighting (and winning) against their eating disorder and the other still just fighting theirs, but damn if my skinny ass is a turn off.
No matter how you tell yourself you love your partner's mind, sometimes, it's just not the whole story. Surgery sucked the sex drive right out of me... which is a terrible problem. My partner has his own eating disorder, which is another terrible problem. I'm shrinking and doing great, he's binge eating and stealing some of my food.... To add insult to injury, yesterday he said "You're beautiful, but you don't have the same curves you used to".
I knew it would be hard, with one person fighting (and winning) against their eating disorder and the other still just fighting theirs, but damn if my skinny ass is a turn off.
Read my blog, BARIATHLETE I run because I can.
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
tell him to love that skinny butt. lol Lisa 
Can't help with the sex drive issue...I was the opposite once I hit six months...I would remind him about how much healthier you are and how you don't have to take numerous medications anymore...The curves would have done you no good in an early grave, right? Keep your head up...You're doing fantastic...hopefully he will come around in one way or another (to support you or to help himself).
~Jenn
(deactivated member)
on 6/15/09 12:25 pm - Ashland, MA
on 6/15/09 12:25 pm - Ashland, MA
Oh Sue, that just sucks. It sounds like you are so sympathetic to him too. I also can't speak about the loss of sex drive but if this guy that I really really like says to me one more time..."another 20 lbs and you aren't going to want anything to do with me anymore", I am going to slap him. I know he is insecure but it annoys me. I have done nothing to indicate that my feelings are changing. My body is changing...not my likes and dislikes. I am still me. So I guess I can't help you at all but, thanks, it was good to tell someone.
Good Luck to you...just keep being you and stroking that man's ego and you guys will be fine!
Good Luck to you...just keep being you and stroking that man's ego and you guys will be fine!
sounds like your guy is just insecure. Men have this idea that we are with them because we are fat and when we get skinny we'll find a better man. I was ready for that predicament. He either needs to get on the bandwagon and determine that he's good enough for you, or step off.
(my personal motto is that when a man tells you you are too good for him, he's probably right)
*sigh*
These things will all work out, or they won't...and that will be ok too.
(my personal motto is that when a man tells you you are too good for him, he's probably right)
*sigh*
These things will all work out, or they won't...and that will be ok too.
Read my blog, BARIATHLETE I run because I can.
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
(deactivated member)
on 6/16/09 1:23 am - Ashland, MA
on 6/16/09 1:23 am - Ashland, MA
my personal motto is that when a man tells you you are too good for him, he's probably right
Thinking back, you are right. I like that!
Thinking back, you are right. I like that!
let me tell you, reminding myself of that has helped me a few hard decisions a lot easier. I know I'm great, and if my guy doesn't think he's great too, it ain't my job to make him do so. Ain't nothing more attractive than self-confidence.
Read my blog, BARIATHLETE I run because I can.
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
Sue I have some major issues with my marriage since surgery. More so now at just about 2 years out. Sex drive was lost prior to surgery, but since surgery...it's gone completely. Or at least with him it is. I have no desire what so ever!
My husband is very good at giving me compliments and he's very pleased with the results of the surgery (except for the loss of my girls). But for me as a person, I have changed. I have changed a lot. The person I had hiding within isn't someone I ever knew was there. That person is very outgoing and willing to try new things. The new body that I have has given me so much more self confidence and attracts a lot of new people, so my husband is very worried that I'm going to leave him. Whether or not I ever will...who knows. Love may not always be forever.
My husband is very good at giving me compliments and he's very pleased with the results of the surgery (except for the loss of my girls). But for me as a person, I have changed. I have changed a lot. The person I had hiding within isn't someone I ever knew was there. That person is very outgoing and willing to try new things. The new body that I have has given me so much more self confidence and attracts a lot of new people, so my husband is very worried that I'm going to leave him. Whether or not I ever will...who knows. Love may not always be forever.
It's one of the few things they can't prepare you for... who is hiding underneath all the weight. The good news is I think i found out about my hidden girl before surgery and was already being her... though I am a little more willing to do and try new things now, but nothing I wouldn't at least considered doing before.
What has REALLY changed is how other people see me. Even if I'm behaving the same, people see me very differently. If my jeans were tight before, it was because they didn't fit. If my jeans are tight now, I'm showing off. UGH
My only suggestion to you (and you may have already done this) is to try and "take one for the team" as far as sex goes. Once things get started, you might like it. I know that's how it's working for me.... i'm interested once involved, but would never think to initiate anything on my own.
What has REALLY changed is how other people see me. Even if I'm behaving the same, people see me very differently. If my jeans were tight before, it was because they didn't fit. If my jeans are tight now, I'm showing off. UGH
My only suggestion to you (and you may have already done this) is to try and "take one for the team" as far as sex goes. Once things get started, you might like it. I know that's how it's working for me.... i'm interested once involved, but would never think to initiate anything on my own.
Read my blog, BARIATHLETE I run because I can.
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
Hey Sue,
Not that I'm happy to hear that your sex drive is gone, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Mine has gone right out the window. Like you, once I'm in it it's fine, but I have NO DRIVE to start it going. Hopefully things will get better for both of us in that area.
Your doing great.
Brenda
Not that I'm happy to hear that your sex drive is gone, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Mine has gone right out the window. Like you, once I'm in it it's fine, but I have NO DRIVE to start it going. Hopefully things will get better for both of us in that area.
Your doing great.
Brenda
Highest Weight 253.2 / SW 230 / CW 153.6 / Goal 150 / Height 5' 5 1/2"
Surgery Date: February 9, 2009
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