family interrogation- make it stop!!

I am sure that people have had some family members who just are at their throat about getting surgery, right?  The interrogation has been very emotional for me since I had such a struggle to get here, meaning admitting that I will need this tool and getting the approval (2yr battle)  There are a couple of family members who just keep going over and over=  "you haven;t tried hard enough"   you haven't exhausted all of your options yet"  I understand that they are scared for me and know that this surgery is a big deal but going at me like they are has been really bringing me down-  I was made to cry twice this week while at work!!  But I am strong in my conviction and commitment to put me first for once and allow myself something great like the gift of health and peace!! I just wonder how others have dealt with this.  I know this will all blow over since I just told them yesterday since I just got approved and had the consultation but I am ready to just block them out and forget about needing them for support becuase right now it feels like they will be in my ear right up until I go in on 7/1!  Thanks for listening to my rant!  Have a good one!!  Andrea

Remember that you are doing this for YOU and no one else.  When I 1st told my Mom that I was even thinking about it she flat out said "NO" so I left it alone for a while, then we got to talking one night about needing to do things for yourself and I said " speaking of...I decided to have the surgery, etc..." she was fine with it, scared of course as were other family members but they knew it was my choice and my health and well being which they were all concerned about and now they see it's the best thing my hubby and I ever did.  See if any of them want to go to meetings with you, either support group or to your Dr, hopefully that will help.  Encourage them to ask legitimate questions and answer them honestly and if you don't know the answers tell them you will find out and let them know.  Good luck and remember the one person you have to live with the rest of your life is YOU, so take care of YOU Gwen

Thank you very much Gwen- yes I have told them it is for me and that I have to live and love my body and I am not at all right now.  You have done so well and I can;t wait to have results like yours!!!  Thanks again for your kind words

Have you ever heard the phrase  "No one can make you feel bad without your permission?"  I know its not easy to read/hear.... but it is true.    Family/friends will always play devils advocate too, because they are often times looking out for us.    Sometimes they are just plain scared for us.  One thing you can do is suggest they go to one of the information meetings with you, or you can send them a link to some info online, or print out stuff for them.   There are proven statitics on the benefits of wls... and how 95% of folks that have over 100 lbs or more to lose can not be successful without wls.    Also,  if you look at all the benefits down the road....  for instance,  I was on medications for high blood pressure and cholesteral and acid reflux and I am no longer on any of these.      Oh, Andrea... you are so brave and you will do fine.       July 1 may seem like it is an eternity but trust me it will go by fast.    go to as many meetings as you can.   they help a lot.   PM me any time you like and saturate yourself with as much info as you can. Your family will come around.   Those that dont right away, will eventually. hugs, J.

I'm one of the people who doesn't think that people are anti-surgery out of concern.  People are selfish, they don't care about risks, they are anti surgery for 2 reasons, #1 they perceive it as taking an easy way out & above all, Americans want the obese to suffer to take weight off - and (more importantly) #2 having the surgery means you are getting your act together mentally and preparing for good things to happen to you.  Like it or not, 99.9% of people are resentful when that happens.  People stay stuck where they are, they don't change, they dream and don't act on it, and they complain about their lives.  Once you have WLS, all of that will start to change.  My suggestion?  Stick with the .1% of people who will support you, and keep the information quiet around everyone else.  PS if you think it's annoying now, wait until they all start to ask how much you've lost!!

I know I was originally so infuriated by them interrogating me like they did but they have since come around once I put my foot down and was like-  this is happening with or wiothout your support.  Not to mention that I handed out reading materials and told them after they read all that I have read and if they wanted to go to seminars and so on then they could feel free to comment about what I am doing.  Not to mention- why don;t you try on a fatsuit and just deal with it for a week and see how you come out of it.  Anyways, since that post there has been a lot of questions but not in a negative manner like it was before now it is what happens, what are you going to have for your liquid diet?  etc.  So my original fury has now been subsided by their full knowldge of what is going to happen and that it is going to happen.  So thanks for your input  Take care

I like what my sister in law said when I finished speaking with her about the surgery. She also said it was an "easy way out", but she had known people who it was sucessful for, that it would cause all kinds of marriage problems, she also said I didnt need it ...she didnt care if I was fat...she just didnt want me to die or have worse health problems. I reassured her of MY decision , my reasearch , my support group outside of my family, and my own reasoning skills.  Realizing that one of the facts of the surgery is that you could possibly die. I addressed this with her in a calm manner. I explained to her in FACTS.  Every medical procedure has risks. Every diet has risks. I had my gall bladder removed because of my "dieting"....doing it the "hard way" By the end of it the truth came out from her and she said "you have facts...I just have emotions" That was tha absolute truth. Many people don't ever think of this surgery for themsevles so they are not as indepth into the research as we are. Ive had to learn to deal with OTHER peoples emotions on top of mine. So no one will ever tell me again this is the easy way out and me take them seriously :) ! Best of luck to you

I feel your pain and then some.  I think that in the preop support groups they should have this as part of the preparation,,,, dealing with "naysayers".  I might even suggest that to Dr. Randall.   I sent my sisters and my daughter some pictures taken of me at a visit with my dying uncle who is so dear to me.  When I saw the pictures of me, I was AGHAST! and when I sent them (they were digital) I felt I had to include a "disclaimer" telling them that I am once again considering this route.  Two of my three sisters have YET TO RESPOND AND NEITHER HAS MY DAUGHTER.  My one sister who did wrote something so touching it made me cry.  There is so much emotionally and physically that we have to do to prepare for this and though it is normal for people who loves us to have concerns, I haved decided to use a form of what I call "kind tough love"  and asking them to respect my decision and if they have negative comments to please keep them to themselves.  Sal

Thank you so much.  After a littel more education they have really come a long way.  Of course they were listening to people who have horror stories and myths about those surgeries.  I did use that same "tough love".  I did say- hey this is my decision and it is final- it is not changing no matter what you guys say.  I need to do this for me and whether I have your support or not,  I am doing this!  SO I printed them out some info and told them to read it throughly and if they had any questions they could come ask me or come to a Dr's appt with me but it is going to be happening regardless of what they hear from me or the Dr.  So thanks for responding and I hope they come around.  I realize now that they were acting out of caring and fear but at the time it just sounded like a total lack of support  Andrea