Support from your family

I am wondering how everyone's family has reacted to their WLS decision? To tell you the truth I think that half the reason I have waited so long to go ahead with this is because I am apprehensive of how my family, mostly my mother, will react. Geez, I sound like a little kid. I am hoping that once everyone gets used to the idea they will be supportive.

My husband didn't understand about it until we went to the consultation. After that he was on board 110%. My kids were scared but understood the reason why I was doing the surgery. My mom didn't think it was going to work because she said I thought it was the "magic bullet". She was also uninformed. She went to my support group meeting (pre-op) and after that meeting she felt confident that I was in the right place with the right doctor. It has been 14 months and I have lost 150 lbs. I started at 380 lbs at my highest weight. I am now 230. I would like to lose a little more but if I don't I am not stressing. Get your mom informed. Internet, support meetings whatever you can get to her that she will understand. By the way, my mom said that she was glad I made a liar out of her. She is very proud of my success. She even took the day off to go to the hospital when I had the surgery. Good Luck. And Best Wishes. Stephanie

no you don't sound like a little kid ... my mother was the same way when I told my parents .. my dad 100% behind me .. my mother ... not a happy camper.... could it be becasue she has weight problems herself?.. yep she does .. all my sisters.. 4 of them... (but one) have weight problems and all of them are for me having it.. so I decided not to talk about it with my mom anymore... And I don't. You have to do whats best for you.

hi, I can tell you that I felt the same way about my mother. she was not as supportive as I would have hoped . she kept saying that most people gain all of the weight back, it was like she expected me to fail before I even started. she told me that if I didnt figure out the reason that I am fat(my words not hers) then this would not work for me. I can tell you that me and my mother are best friends and that once I made up my mind to do it she backed down. she knew that I would not change my mind now. I am still waiting for my surgery date. Just hang in there I think that they will all come around especially when they realize how fantastic you look. lindsay

I was very apprehensive about my family. I come from a very thin, very judgemental family. I did all the research by myself and came to my own decision before speaking to anyone, including my husband. My husband (who also has a weight problem, though not at the WLS level) was the first person I talked to. He was very nervous until I brought him to an interductory meeting. Then he was behind me 100%. Then I spoke with my sister, who is an internal medicine doc (and a size 4 after 4 kids). She was supportive but firm. She was going to be on my side but on my ass to be as healthy about this as possible. If I was going to go though with this I WAS going to exercise and I WAS going to take my vitamins and I WAS going to do everything the surgeon told me to do. And she promised to help me tell my parents. Then came what I expected to be a horrible conversation. I'm close to my parents but they're not so good at seeing me as an adult (even though I have 2 kids of my own). Instead of being horrified though, my mother cried in relief. My father took a small about of "convincing" or facts to come around. But once I gave him the statistics (he and I are both math people) of success of RNY (85%) vs dieting (3 - 5%) he was on board. I've been wonderfully surprised with the support I've received. People may just surprise you with their understanding. Sometimes you just have to present the information to different people in different ways. My mother needed to I was emotionally ready. My sister needed to know that I was going to follow up medically. My father needed the math. My husband needed to know I wasn't going to die. They all needed to come at it in their own way just like I did. And I needed to allow for that. Good luck. Carolyn

The only person that knew I was going through the process was my husband and a couple of close friends. They were all very supportive. Once I was approved through my insurance company is when I started to tell my family. My mother was supportive but nervous. She kept on asking if I was sure that this is what I wanted. I said yes and she was behind me. My brothers did not have much to say. My SIL wa going to have surgery but she always became scared. Since I have had surgery she has gone through with the same surgery. I come from an overall obese family. I chose this surgery for myself, so I could live a happier and healthier life. You need to decide if this is right for you to do and when to tell your family. Good luck with your decision. Janet

Thanks everyone for the responses. I think I am going to wait until after I have my intitial consult to really tell anyone, especially in my family. That way at least I should have some kind of idea about a game plan. Thanks again for your input.

Kelley: I have told only selective members of my family. My husband's family has no idea as of yet. His mom can be a little judgemental and I don't need any negative vibes as of yet. My surgery is set for Aug. 21st so once I am totally approved for the surgery and it is only a few days away will I fill them in. If you ever need to chat...I am a fellow rocklandite! Good Luck!

Hi Margery! It's so cool to met people near you who are doing this. It makes me feel so much more at ease about the whole thing becasue I know some the people on here are "real". That sounds dumb but I hope ya'll get my meaning. I am hoping that I am making more out of this than I need to but I still haven't told anyone. My appointment is Friday and I am hearing all excellant stuff about Dr. Burch so I am really excited to start the process. I think I am going to wait and meet with Dr. Burch and see what kind of game plan we have before I tell anyone. I can just see my family asking me questions that I can't answer and making me doubt my decision because of it. I think your approach is right, Margery, why tell people if you know they are going to give you a ahrd time? If you know in your heart that this is the right thing for you and the doctors agree ... then the hell with the nay sayers. Drop me a line anytime maybe we can walk together [email protected]