Have I utterly failed?

First of all, you really haven't given your doctor a chance.  You haven't returned for follow-up, and are relying on hearsay from another patient to make decisions about his capabilities and compassion.

Before you look for another surgeon, go back, be honest and ask for help.  It sounds like you need a fill and some reinforcement, but the surgeon can't know that if you aren't seeking him out for help. 

Then, if he turns out to be unsupportive or less than helpful, consider the advice to seek another physician.