OT: FYI I am going crazy..

Swoosh -- I am so sorry for your children.

It must be very painful to not be able to comfort them in person right now, but I have no doubt that they feel your love and your comfort.

Surrendering to those things that you cannot 'fix'  -- not with money, not with braincells, not with food or drink ---- you have to just let it be and feel the feelings that come.

I pray that you will feel comfort and that you children will honor their father in death, and know God's peace.

Happy Birthday to your baby -- hug them all close as soon as you can.

You married him, so at some point you must have cared for him (before all the bad), and maybe you are grieving the loss of the man he once was or the man you thought he was at one time. Also, you are grieving for your children, and for the loss that they have suffered. It is a neccesary process, and you shouldn't try to stop it. You can't get over grief, you have to get through it.

 The impossible relationships always upset us more. The what ifs, and the strong emotions be it love , anger hate or all of the above imbed deeply into our brains and get stuck there. It is awful, but your boys are so lucky to have you and each other. Keep us informed, and cry until you don't have to anymore.

So sorry for yours and your sons loss. You are being the best mom you can by allowing them to be with their Dads family. They will some day see that you hurt also. They will know what a strong Mom they have.Just share the good memories of their Dad that they may have been to young to see. My prayers are with you. God bless.

oh, Swoosh, I'm so sorry for your boys loss. I' sorry that you are feeling so bad and have to go through all this. One thing I know is you are a good Mom! I hope tomorrow is better, even if it's just a little bit. Just know that you have a lot of friends, here, a lot of kids at your work who love you and you have touched their lives is a positive way. We will swim with you, if needed.

I am so sorry for you, and for your boys.  Huge hugs and prayers and good thoughts/karma/mojo.

I'm so sorry to hear this. But please know that it's not in any way your fault that he died and your kids will not blame you for his death. You can't bring him back, no... but you are there for your kids like you always have been. You are lucky that your boys are adults and they can understand and will deal with this tragedy in their life like we all do when we lose a parent. I will keep you and your boys in my prayers.

Only online for a moment but wanted to take a moment to tell you all how much your words have meant to me during this time....its been a HARSH TWO DAYS....but it will get better and your words have helped in ways you may never know, thank you :)

....just keep swimming (and grateful for the life preservers you have all tossed my way to help me stay afloat)

Swoosh

So sorry to hear about your loss.Always so difficult when our children have to face these things . Youll help them through the grief ,its what great moms do ! Love and prayers to you and your boys.