Is anyone like me?

 Hi , my surgery date is not set and I'm struggling to make it now. I've done all my post op stuff , now its just go time and I'm having a hard time finding anyone to relate to. I need to find others like me so I can feel confident going forward.  I'm 29 years old, 200 pounds, 5'1. I have struggled with my weight and poor body image my whole life. Constantly dieting.  I have been told I have PCOS, but my latest blood work comes back everything ok...   I'm confused, feel alone and really stuck tonight in a terrible frame of mind. The worst feeling is being stuck , or on the fence...and hopelessness creeps in there to remind me I'll always be fat , never be happy because i'll always be overweight.  I'm paying for my surgery ,,, no insurance coverage so there is a lot on the line by going under the knife, if any complications, its all on me and my fiance.     If anyone has a story to share, something to give me hope that lap band is the right thing for me, that its worth it , that I can get down to a really healthy weight and not just ok or heavy still but better from being super obese....     


also can't seem to upload a picture, have a mac and all my photos are too big.. any advice 

 15 views, not one comment.  Come on, there must be someone

I believe that you need to be confident in yourself. If you, your family, and doctors feel that this is right for you then it is. You took the time to do all the things that you need to do in order to actually have the sugery. By you being willing to pay for this surgery out of pocket (vs. insurance) that tells me that you think you are doing the right thing. Of course only you know that. I was 29 when I had my lapband put in. I have been told that I "most likely" have PCOS too. I was also told that there isn't a 100% way of diagnosing it but I have been recently told that they see some folicles in my right ovary that could turn into cysts. For some reason they couldn't see my left ovary. That seems odd to me especially considering I've had massive amounts of pain there over the last 1-1.5 years. There were times I couldn't get ouf of bed without help because it hurt so bad.

I too have struggled with my weight and body image for most of my life. I still struggle with it. There are days (now) where I do think "you know what? I am me. This is what you get and it doesn't matter what you think." I guess I would say that I am getting better with my self esteem issues although I still have plenty of bad days.

I can't tell you if the band is right for you but I can tell you my story, why I choose it, and life since.

My family medical history is riddled with bad things...diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure to name a few. I saw the start of some of the issues with me (high blood sugars although not technically diabetes at the time, PCOS, high blood pressure, and morbid obesity) but I knew I didn't want to be like my family in this regard. I wanted to be healthy and live a long time. I researched surgeries and with the help of my surgeon decided that lapband was the best option for me (for me, my lifestyle, family situation, and recovery-wise ie time off work). I did all the things needed to be done before surgery (tests, insurance approval, etc) and had the surgery done in Nov 2007. I did have to spend the night in the hospital as they wanted to make sure that there were no holes or leakage. After surgery I did wll (in my opinion). I did lose weight although it was slow. Granted I didn't exercise and still don't so that could be part of it. I just HATE excercising. Anyway I found out that in Jan 2008 my insurance no longer covered weight loss treatments, meaning my fills wouldn't be covered. I choose to continue to see the doctor and surprisingly my insurance continued to pay (hey I wasn't going to argue). The sometime in mid 2008 my surgeon moved out of state. Another surgeon in the office was taking over his patients.  I continued to see the new guy (insurance still paid lol) but had problems with the office - didn't like the guy's bedside manner, it would take 3 hours to get in the room once I got to the appointment (this happened at least twice in a row). I had had enough. I told them I didn't like it and was going to switch surgeons to one in another hospital system in town. They never even tried to keep me as a patient which told me it was the right choice.  Unfortunately when I switched surgeons/hospital systems that is when my insurance decided not to pay at all (I had assumed they would still pay since they had been before). I did see the new guy 2-3 times and got fills. He thought thought that I hadn't lost enough weight and considered me a failure with the band. Yeah that made me feel like crap. Anyway I knew that I couldn't afford to see him again moneywise and didn't. Then in April 2010 I lost my insurance all together. I will admit that I didn't eat the best still although I didn't gain tons of weight. I basically was holding steady. After the loss of insurance (and job) and problems at home I did start gaining weight. In fact I did gain it all back and more ( about 20 pounds more than I started at). I was 256 the morning of surgery (I think), was 274 when I finally left my husband and moved out of state in Oct 2011. Since then I have lost 30 pounds on my own (how I am not sure). I have since gotten a new job, good insurance, and will be seeing a surgeon here with one of the hospitals here. I have to have an upper GI first to make sure the band is still in place (Jan 20) and will be seeing the doctor on Jan 26. I hope it is still in place. If it isn't I wondered about a revision but also about revising into another surgery. I guess I just need to see what the status is first. I do know that healthwise I am not better, in fact in at least once case worse. I still have high blood pressure, am still morbidly obese. my sugars are still high and recently started on a medication for it although not totally for the sugars (I'll explain that in a second), possibly have PCOS (the med also has a horomone in it that might help with this too - so maybe kill two birds with one stone/pill???), and have left shoulder and side pain. I have no clue if this is related or not but I did see someone else post about the same issue tonight who said it was the diaphram being damaged and pushing into other things making it hurt. I have no clue if it is true but that's what I got out of it although I did ask for clarification from the poster.

So to sum it up...am I glad I did it? Honestly I am not 100% sure...that will probably depend on what the surgeon says in a couple weeks. I am glad I did it with the fact that I can't imagine how heavy I would have been if it I didn't do it. I am also happy in that I learned a lot about food and how my body reacts to it. Yes I suppose I could have learned that without the surgery but that's not how it happened.

I don't know if any of that was what you wanted to hear...

As for the picture with a Mac I can't tell you. I don't know anything about them. With a PC I know I shrink pictures a lot of times in Paint. No clue though if Macs have it or not though.

 Thank you SO Much for your feedback. I'm just reading everything I can , I think so at the end of the day I can rest my head knowing at least I've looked the dark side in the face as well as the bright side.    I exercise, and I'm pretty good at keeping a diet ...making healthy choices. I just love to try new things and social situations, travel and entertaining.. and food . fantastic food is a passion of mine.    But a bigger passion is to have real satisfying sex , feel sexy, wear high heals , skinny jeans and have my fiance take pictures of me again with my son.  I shy away from all these things right now that make my life worth living...   and right now its too easy to down a milk shake, large fries and big mac... Im hoping the restriction will keep away those impulses .. and once the hard work pays off, it will help keep it there.  Self PAY SUCKS....     I think its what is bothering me the most right now, the expense to keep up with all the adjustments, emergency costs , complications...ect.   

I wish you the best and PLEASe  keep me informed of your results and how you feel. I'm very interested in being an ear for you to bounce your WLS issues off.   Thank you again for your response, just knowing someone else is listening ..and acknowledges me, makes me feel better, like I have a community. 

No problem! I hope you are able to make the decision that's right for you. I am kinda scared about the apointment most just because I don't know what to expect. I really need to call and ask but I haven't had the time to get around to it.

I am not preop but boy oh boy do I remember feeling exatly what you are right now. I too only got diagnosed with PCOS once I asked for a referral for Lapband. I had all of the symptoms to a tee and had been experiencing them for about 10 years (hairloss, infertility, loss of periods, miscarriage, acne, insulin resistance, etc) Then the second time my blood was drawn so I could go see the endocrinologist I was told my levels were fine and there was no indication of PCOS (plus I did not show cysts when they did a ultrasound). It was all very frustrating and maddening.
I tell you these things because I came to find that I needed to trust my own instincts and not a blood test. I knew what the effects were of my weight and that I needed to take care of myself in a way that would work for me. Thats precisely what you are doing.

I am assuming you have done your homework esp. since you are self pay, but please know that getting fills and unfills are part of the band for life. Its not something you do once or twice post op and then just leave alone. It can get pricey. Also youre still going to have to diet and exercise but with a tool to help keep you motivated and sometimes reduce your physical hunger. I wont lie, you may experience stalls and blocks in motivation at which time you may stop losing and you may gain. This can happen with all of the procedures though so its really about knowing what you are willing to do. The lapband merely gets you full faster but you can easily consume too many calories even with a restricted portion so you will have to remain aware. I hope this doesnt sould like a lecture, I merely want to help you feel empowered by your choice to take control of your weight and your life. You can do it!

 Thank you so much for your reply  , means so much to me tonight.  Feeling so conflicted/confused/scared/      reading reading reading...       One post is uplifting, one is scarey as all get out.   As a self pay , I'm coming to the realization that if I go through with this, and there are complications... even 6 years later, its coming out of my pocket.  I think about what i spend on gym memberships, group fitness classes, food, gym clothes (in ALL sizes)  the expense my life's happiness will take if I DON"T do it......  never getting on that surf board, not wearing a sexy dress in Paris when my fiance finally is allowed to take me becasue I won't let him until I'm thin..... ect. ( my life is not the glamorous by the way, its just dreams adn goals,..  but damn....  I know it won't be glamorous in a size 20 jumpsuite compared to a slinky sexy red number in heals )          I just wi**** was  alittle more secure, but if I dont' do it soon, I feel like some of my best years will be wasted fat and unhappy... or possibly thiinner than now....but only to be blow out of the water again IF     IF  I can get pregnanat again ..  gained wopper 80 pounds with my son.  and my body is so different and saggy and terribly gross...that I don't even want another baby because I'm so prone to getting SO big so easy. I ENVY my friends who don't deal with weight issues... one can eat like you've never seen and she looses weight, can you even imagine what thats like,....  to NEVER have to worry about it. 

to be honest, I am not quite like you

I was 51 when I decided to have surgery --- yes, I was self-pay, but I was older with good insurance and with a husband with good insurance and with a financial cushion, so that if I need to have my band removed, I could afford to to do it.

In your shoes, there is NO WAY that I would consider banding ---- too much risk of failure within your lifetime -- and actually within 5 years.

I don't want to rain on you r parade --- I know that the band seems to be the most affordable option to a lifetime of obesity -- but it is really worth your time/money to reseach further and consider VSG, even if you have to save and wait  few additional months to do it.

 As a successful lap-bander, and one with relatively few issues at all (almost 4 years out), if I was self pay I would NOT have gone with the band just because of the risk of complications years out.  The potential for huge medical costs putting me in the poor house later on would scare the crap out of me.  I think I'd really really consider the VSG if I was sure restriction was all I needed.  

Kari

 I'm researching too like Redboots....  you said:    I think I'd really really consider the VSG if I was sure restriction was all I needed.   All as in the lap band does more than restrict?  I am wondering if I should do VSG or Band here myself... and I'd really like to know the difference between the two.  How do you know which one you are better suited to?  Can you explain the VSG in comparison to the band a little more?  I'd really appreciate it.  Thanks.