Divorce after weight loss surgery

I had surgery in December of 2009 and am no going through a divorce.  My soon to be ex-husband says it's because I had surgery and lost weight.  I tell him it's because I was fed up with all his crap.  He insists that it's the weight loss.  Has/is anyone else going through something similar out there?  Having lost 85 pounds has given me the confidence to do what I'm doing, but I wouldn't say that it's a direct link to leaving.  Good or bad, give me y'alls opinions please. 

Thank you!
J

I think sometimes people simply grow apart. You grew, becoming a healthier, more confident you. Seems like your husband found this intimidating. Just my humble opinion. Wish you all the best!

Hi J,

I had my surgery in Oct 2008 and have lost 120 lbs and I am also going thru a divorce.  My husband left me with no explanation or reason why.  He just called me at work and told me he was leaving.  I do believe that some of  why he left is because of the weight loss.  I grew more confidence and had more self esteem with each pound that I lost and he didnt like the new me.  I believe that is the same with you.  You are tried of his "crap" and you finally are getting the confidence in your self to say..I am worth so much more. The issues you are having are not directly related to your weight loss but your weight loss had effected you in some very positive way.  That is a good thing.

Just do what is best for you and be happy.  It took me alittle to see that I and I hope you do the same.

Lisa

Yes!!  That happened to me!!  Once I regained my self-esteem, I was no longer willing to put up with games and lies.  Period. 

Be strong!!

Studies show that if your marriage was already bad before your surgery, it will get worse and end up in divorce.  If your marriage is GREAT before your surgery, it will get MUCH better.

Altho I can't say I have been there done that, because I have been single during both my lapband surgery in 2009 and upcoming revision surgery this coming August.

I do remember that an old friend who had bypass surgery back in 1984 she was married and a few months after her surgery, she divorced him.  It wasn't because of surgery, it was because she was hearing and her husband was deaf, and one often feels left out during a get together but she knew sign.. but then there could have been more to that marriage it was probably bad.

I'm sorry you are going thru this divorce but you will be happier without him if you had to put up with all his crap!

Divorce after WLS is common. As it has been said above, the dynamics change. As a person looses weight and gains self confidence, self appreciation and all that stuff they realize their worth. Now, if they have a partner who doesn't treat them with respect and won't change divorce is a likely outcome. Feeling better about yourself due to the transformation can point out how maybe a person "settled" and has the personal strength to change that. I'm sorry you are going through this. K

I was reading somewhere last night (I think on MeltingMama's blog) that if one or both partners were obese when married, there's an 85% chance of divorce after WLS.

If obesity wasn't in the picture at the time of marriage, one or both partners at near normal size, that the divorce rate after WLS was much less but I don't recall the numbers.

Sorry you are going through this, but I'm sure it will be for the best when it's all over.

I wasn't married, but engaged (in a 4yr relationship) when I had my surgery. As soon as he saw me having pride in my appearance & enjoying getting compliments from friends we immediately started having problems. Needless to say we ended up going our separate ways. Surprisingly though, a long time friend (16 yr friendship at that time) started noticing me differently and in 2008 we got married. He apologizes all the time for not seeing all my beauty, inside & out, all the while of our friendship, but I am diffently happier now.

Divorced too....yet I wasn't happy with the marriage before the band, and finally realized that I was "worthy" enough to be happy.  Today I'm engaged to a wonderful man...he's seen me at my thinnest and now 40 pounds more (band slipped...just got it repaired Monday).

Please do be careful....When I'm stressed, my band "tightens" and it was really hard to control that during the divorce.  So don't hesitate to call you doc for an unfill if this happens to you.

 My doc asked me about my relationships pre-op, and told me there is a 50% risk of o the relationship ending post-op, and was that a risk I was willing to take that risk.  In my case, the relationship ended for other reasons, but I think my lack of putting up with the s--t pushed his buttons. I would have stayed in the bad situation, but now I would not get into a bad situation like that. I take care of me, and that is a full time job, lol