Parent and brother not to happy with my decision to have the surgrey

MY Family is not to happy with me right now but this is something that I prayed about and think it is the right descion for me. I am at the beginning stages but I know this is the right choice for me!!!  Any one else had simular resistantce from family?

I had the similar issue, my husband was totally against any surgery. He said it is the easy way out. I went ahead with my plans and didn't mention a word to him until the night before my surgery. What you have to remember you are doing it for your health not anyone else. Now my husband is my biggest fan. Good luck on your decision.

My husband wasn't crazy about the idea of bariatric surgery, and my elderly mother was afraid I'd die on the operating table so there'd be no one left to take care of her (not an accurate assessment on her part, but she didn't have all her marbles then). I didn't ask either of them for approval - I just told them I'd made my decision. My husband said he'd try to support me as best he could, and he's done a great job of that. No one else I told about my plans said anything negative (they probably knew I'd jump down their throats if they did).

Based on scenes I've seen played out at WLS support group meetings and comments from other patients, I think that friends and family members object to bariatric surgery for several reasons (or a combination):
1. They don't have accurate information about the risks involved, and they're afraid of losing you.
2. They're afraid that if you lose weight, you'll lose interest in them or won't need them or take care of them any more.
3. They're jealous.
4. They just don't understand why you can lose weight and keep it off without having surgery.

It might help if you bring family members with you to some WLS support group meetings and/or to your appointments at your surgeon's office (take just one member at a time in that case). Then they'll have more information and hopefully better understand what's involved, what post-op life will be like, and that you're not the only one in this situation. If they still object after that, I would tell them something like, "I appreciate your concern, but I'm going to have the surgery and I hope you can support me as I go through this."

I'm assuming that you're over 18 years old and not expecting your family to pay out of their own pockets for your surgery. As an adult, you're the only one who legally has the right to decide what medical procedures to have or not have.

Jean

JEan & Lifelong

Thank you so much for responding, I have never been so sure of anything in my life. My boyfriend was not to keen on it at first but when I explained he was more open and promised to be there for me.  My family biggest fear is that something might happen to me and I will leave my children motherless.  But wih hypertention, other chronic conditions if i dont do something I going to leave them to soon anyway.  Thank you so much and I look forward to being apart of the loser bench!!!

I come from  a very stubborn family.  My families opinions used to always matter. I have 3 sisters and two brothers...I am referred to as 3 of 6.  They thought this "Star Trek" theme was fun!..Hmm...anyway...I received negative from all but one family member, telling me it was the easy way out...couldn't I find a better way, etc...My entire family is skinny...I was the only one overweight. They, from my point of view, did not understand.  I was doing this for ME..and MY health.  I am not a selfish person, but if I have to make the decision of seeing my kids graduate high school or not...I am going to do what I have to do...

I stood my ground and finally educated them  I challenged them to eat like I had to eat, small bites, chew, chew, chew...not drinking any liquids during the meal...and following the same rules as I did. After that night which they pretty much threw up their hands and said they had had enough.  They couldn't do it even for one meai!  Let alone my having to do this for the rest of my life.

***Sigh***

After all the questions and education, Everyone has come around. They tell me I look great.I thought after this long there was understanding until, just recently over Mothers Day Brunch (I have had my band for 2 years) my mom asked, "So when are you having your band removed?"  I looked at her funny and explained it was not ever coming out.  She looked at me somewhat shocked and said, "Oh! So you will be eating like this all the time then?  I thought it was only temporary until you dropped all the weight."  I chuckled and told her no...I think she finally came to the realization that this is what I have to do and that is just the way it is. 

The challenges are still there...but this decision is for you and what is best for you.

It has been a rocky road, my kids and husband are VERY supportive.  I have so much energy! There is so much to do and not enough time to do it all....The positives definitely outweigh anything anyone could say...

This is all about YOU and what is best for YOU...not them.

When they see how hard you work and what you have to do, I believe things will change and very quickly.

Welcome and I wish you all the best!! It will be good!

~~Kasey

My family and friends have been very skeptical too. They have all said :just quit eating" .....
I dont think people who do not stuggle with this get it. You must just stay firm and happy with your decision and know you are changing your life and becoming who you want to be!
I entered a contest for a free weight loss surgery and if I win, I will be able to have this done.
My husband actually is supportive bc he is also overweight & has sleep apnea, so he wants to have it too.
I hope you listen to yourslef and do it!

Vicki
www.drdkim.net/contest vote for Vicki L
I want to have this surgery more than anything

My mother is one of those itty bitty women who can eat 20 lbs of ice cream and not gain a pound where I have struggled since I was 23. She alone was the most judgemental and would make comments every time I would have dinner with them "You really shouldn't eat that" "Isn't that going to ruin your diet". It would make me so mad. I tried every diet out there and spent so much money trying to lose weight that was piling on. I had Doctors tell me my weight was due to "hormonal issues" then others tell me my hormonal issues were due to the weight. I felt like I was being defeated regardless of what I did. All these co-morbidies and every doc I went to would give me new reasons. Finally I said "Gimme a hysterectomy and maybe the hormones will balance out" which was when I had a doctor recommend WLS. I got the same crap from my mom- Eat Less, Diet More; unless I starved I couldn't "eat less". I didn't see my mom for 2.5 years after WLS and the first time I did she was shocked. She thought for sure I would fail that just as I failed Curves, Weigh****chers, Jenny Craig, etc. Now she sees I am no longer in pain when I walk, I have a ton more energy, I am no longer obsessed with food, and everything that I suffered with before I no longer suffer with.

The lesson- your family does not have to live in your body. They don't have to feel the way you do. If this is something you want do it for you. They will likely come around when they see this worked for you (disclaimer- it does not work for everyone). If your family is like most they want you to be healthy. Hope this helps :)

Thank you so much for you guys help!!!

I understand and so do many others!  And together we can and will provide support for each other!  Stay in touch and we will be here for you as you need us!

"we get by with a little help from our friends..."