The amazing inspiring effect of photos

When I was preop I could spend hours here on OH looking at before & after pictures because they were so inspiring. Likewise I could hardly stand to see myself in pictures because I felt so low and hated to visualize myself as heavy as I was. Well lately I have been struggling with dieting. I still am without restriction since my total unfill and haven't been able to get in for another fill. I am also going through the process to switch surgeons delaying it further. Anyways, forget excuses, I have been eating like its going out of style. Even when I feel full I totally ignore it. When I see foods that I know are rediculously out of my league, I eat them. Its rediculous really that I have a conscious alarm going off in my head telling me to stop and I keep eating. I have gained back the 5lbs I recently lost and 5 more :( WTH is wrong with me?

My point though is tonight my husband put together a slide show of pictures from the last 8 years together (sort of an early mothers day gift). The pictures were randomly spliced in so at random moments there would be pictures of me at 236lbs lbs followed by my current ones. Wow, what a flipping slap in the face and reminder. I mean I hated how I looked, felt, and was at that weight, and here I am looking at how happy I was just last month and remembering that it is all going to flip back to my preop distain if I dont grab ahold of this. Oddly enough I have been feeling so crappy lately over my stupid eating habits that I was beginning to feel huge again. These pictures reminded me that I haven't lost total control and that I can still get on track again without having gone too far gone.  I think even if I have to get some before and after pictures and plaster them on my bathroom mirrors, pantry doors, and refridgerator I will if it just reminds me where I want to be.

Thanks for listening!

Hi Sarah,

I am normally a big lurker on these boards but your post stuck a chord with me.

Photos are so powerful and I think we forget, or don't realise that half the time.

Recently I was doing something similar, going through lots of old photos on my old laptop that I no longer really use but have been toolazy to transfer files over LOL Most of these photos are pre-surgery and at least 6 or 7 years old, some at my highest too - +320lbs, looking at them was a huge shock for me.

It was the perception of me, and who I am that shocked me. Similar to you I had a slight unfil a while back, gained and have been fighting to get those pounds off. I have also not had the best eating habits lately and keep procrastinating about seeing the doctor. I am self-pay and my doctor is in another country, so the whole experience is close to $1000 - a 'good' excuse I tell myself for not going, but really I am only cheating myself right???

Like you I have been feeling huge again, feeling like I am back where I was. But the reality is this. I am not wearing a 26 or 28 anymore, but have size 12's and 14's in my closet. I have still lost 134lbs, that's still gone, its not crept back on - OK the 10lbs from the unfil have but that's still NOT 134 is it - I am bad at maths but even I can see that equation :)

I feel like the old me half the time, and looking at these photos really stopped me in my tracks because even I could see I don't look like that anymore. My face has changed, my body has changed - my whole attitude to life has changed. So whilst I am annoyed at myself for my slip I have to remind myself that I am not this terrible person who has destroyed all the previous hard work, I haven't lost total control.

For me, I think my obese personality is one of 'all or nothing' I have discovered in this whole journey that I am a person of extremes and the reality is I don't need to be. 'Normal' people gain 5lbs after a vacation - its not the end of the world, they lose it again too. But in my head, its disaster! Life is crap. I am useless at this. My own poisoned thinking destroys all my previous good work.

So maybe I'll follow your advice and print some of these off and stick them around my apartment to remind myself of how far I have actually come!!!

Sorry - I didn't mean to talk so much, but as I said, you struck a chord :)

Here's some pics too - I've posted some of these before, LOL I really should get some new ones on here but its all I have for now.

Thank you for your post and for reminding me its NOT the end of the world!

Wokhams


Me 6 months pre-surgery approx. +320lbs - scale was not my friend so no exact figure


February 2011 - where I am now :) down around 134lbs



Picture are powerful :) Thanks for the reminder Sarah :)

Wow -- you look fantastic! Assuming this is a vacation pic -- so jealous of your warm tropical trip!

LOL you will hate me because it was actually a 3 week business trip to the Seychelles!

Stunning place, all that beauty and getting paid extra to be there too :) BUT I do have to say, I did work hard whilst there - played harder but did work hard too :)

Thanks for your kind words too :)

Wokhams you look great!  I might have to put up a few pics of myself also for days when I feel like the old me.

You look FANTASTIC! Plus you said everything I didn't. I am so similar to how you described yourself with the 'all or nothing' personality and couldn't have said it better than you did about the 5lb gain. I may be up 10lbs right now (15 total from my lowest weight) but I am still wearing a size 10 and not a 20 that I started in. I am pretty sure no one around me is noticing, but I have really been feeling like I need to hide so that people won't start talking about my failed WLS. I just feel so excited that today after looking at those pictures not only do I feel better about myself but I feel ready to get back in the game. Thank you for sharing.

Hi Sarah,
You will grab a hold of this and move forward!  I think it's something we will have to be challenged with at different points along this journey.  AND being unfilled, I can't imagine how tough that would be.  I use to be the all or nothing dieter prior to the band.  I have learned that will only get me into trouble.  Years ago I lost 125 pounds on WW and maintained for a day and gained it all back and more.  That was painful.  So now with the band, if I have a few ups I tell myself to get busy and get control.  I know I will never be done with my weight issue.  There's just something in me that wants to eat more. 

Sending you some hugs,
Kristi

Thanks Kristi,

I feel a new sense of inspiration today. I did so well with my complete unfill the first month, kinda started getting iffy the second month but still kept on exercising and watching my portions, but now its just turned into a full on preop situation where I eat anything, large portions, and havent been exercising. Whats worse is its screwing with my hormone and insulin issues and I have been having horible acne and my periods are all out of wack. That alone is enough to stop eating like this. I feel really good today, I am going to get my head back in it and hopefully my next fill (which isnt for 2 more weeks) will give me some much needed restriction.

I'm 100% behind  you.  If you ever just want to "talk" you can PM me on here.  I am on OH everyday.  : )

 Ladies :)

Thank you for your kind words - I need to look at pics more often because they do show the difference.  

Sarah - you have done a great job, and as you say you are wearing size 10 clothes!  Recently I met family when I was on a trip, I haven't seen them in two years and they were like wow.  But in my head, because I knew about the gain, I kept saying, no I am fat.  My aunt nailed it I think - she said 'what size does your dress label say?  THAT does not lie.  If you were fat you wouldn't be able to wear that size!'  Pretty simple logic you would have thought - but I hadn't thought that till she said it!  

So keep up the great work, you will get back on track, we both will!  And as it seems as though we are in similar places - feel free to PM me if you are having a bad day :)

Wokhams