Unsupportive friends and WLS
Anybody have tips how to deal with unsupportive friends and explaining your choice to have WLS. Here is my situation, in the last 6 months while I prepared for my surgery Ive started to lose quit a bit of weight, about 65 lbs now. I feel great and am really proud of that accomplishment but I am still over 300lbs and would like to lose 165lbs more. I have a friend who supported me through the whole journey and now just recently said she didnt think I needed the surgery because she thinks I can do it now on my own. I tried to explain to her, I still will be doing it but will be using another tool (the band and gastric plication) Then she said she thought I was just being silly and wasting money on the surgery. I didnt say anything or let it out that those comments hurt me. I would like to sit down and talk with her and help her understand but I dont know what else to say that I havent already said.
Advice?
In other new: 21 days until my lapband and gastric plication!!
Advice?
In other new: 21 days until my lapband and gastric plication!!
(deactivated member)
on 4/28/11 1:15 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
on 4/28/11 1:15 am - Califreakinfornia , CA
I'm not sure why she is being unsupportive. You should ask her why she doesn't want you to go through the surgery. do not defend your reasons for doing so. You owe her no explanations. Turn this **** around on her and you ask her the questions. Then ask yourself if she has real concerns or if this is really about her.
Maybe she wants to be the one in the relationship who gets all the attention and she knows that once you lose the weight she will not be getting all the attention. By looking at your avi, it looks like you are a beauty and she already knows this. She may be jealous...ya never know what is really behind all her "concerns"
Maybe she wants to be the one in the relationship who gets all the attention and she knows that once you lose the weight she will not be getting all the attention. By looking at your avi, it looks like you are a beauty and she already knows this. She may be jealous...ya never know what is really behind all her "concerns"
Pumpkin, you stole my question - lol. I'd be curious to know if she also has weight issues. I would also be curious to know how she views your "role" as her friend. Are you her fat friend? Are you her go-to person when she wants to binge? I ask because now that your making these changes, it will change how she views you and that may scare her.
Unfortunately, I recently had to distance myself from a longtime friend because she's been bashing my decision to have WLS. "You don't need this... It's too dramatic... you're wasting your money, etc. I'm not saying you should end the relationship, but I do think it's a good decision to sit down and explain your feelings and find out what's on her mind.
When I made my decision to have WLS, I hand-picked a group of people and asked them to be my support team. I give them regular updates on my progress & struggles, and they have agreed to offer encouragement and motivation. So far, it has been great.
Good luck to you.
~ Barbara
Unfortunately, I recently had to distance myself from a longtime friend because she's been bashing my decision to have WLS. "You don't need this... It's too dramatic... you're wasting your money, etc. I'm not saying you should end the relationship, but I do think it's a good decision to sit down and explain your feelings and find out what's on her mind.
When I made my decision to have WLS, I hand-picked a group of people and asked them to be my support team. I give them regular updates on my progress & struggles, and they have agreed to offer encouragement and motivation. So far, it has been great.
Good luck to you.
~ Barbara
(deactivated member)
on 4/28/11 1:20 am
on 4/28/11 1:20 am
In My Opinion (VERY IMPORTANT):
ANYONE who is unsupportive of anyone getting WLS is merely JEALOUS.
There could be many reasons, but mostly thet think you'll attract more attention from the opposite sex than them.
I would confront this friend and lay it on the line.
Say something like "I'm doing this surgery with or without you, and if you are going to let this stand in the way of our friendship, I'm not sure I even want to be your friend anymore."
ANYONE who is unsupportive of anyone getting WLS is merely JEALOUS.
There could be many reasons, but mostly thet think you'll attract more attention from the opposite sex than them.
I would confront this friend and lay it on the line.
Say something like "I'm doing this surgery with or without you, and if you are going to let this stand in the way of our friendship, I'm not sure I even want to be your friend anymore."
I had the same thought as MaryPat. People who don't struggle with eating and weight just have no clue what it's like to be us, and can sound dismissive of WLS when actually they're trying so to express their faith in you.
Jean McMillan c.2009-2013 - Always a bandster at heart
author of Bandwagon (TM), Strategies for Success with the Adjustable Gastric Band & Bandwagon Cookery. Bandwagon for Kindle now available on Amazon. Read my blog at: jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com