Why do I do this to myself...

Hi there...I am reaching out to you for advise.  We had breakfast in the office today for Admin day and of course i can't seem to get beyond being a food addict these days - I just had a fill and I had a good bit to eat (some of which was okay) but I had almost 1/2 of a choco muffin and 1) I still have sugar sensitivity from my rny in 04 and 2) it wasn't even GOOD (along with most of what I ate) - so I ended up getting sick in the bathroom and throwing back up the muffin.  I am so scared of damaging this band as I need this assistance yet my life is so out of whack and I NEED to see a therapist but strange as it may sound, my depression keeps me going to work, to church and at home, I just don't have the energy to do ANYTHING, even "look" for a therapist...I am on meds but I have a lot going on in my life right now, but I can't let it continue to affect me...I deserve this chance (again) to get rid of this weight, I recently went down to my lowest, got off of my 2 up 2 down syndrome and I act like this.  Anyway, I needed an ear to bend, so thank you, but I wanted to ask if I should do protein drinks/liquids today for the rst of the day to give my stomach a chance to heal...it feels a bit "woofy" and again, I'm just so afraid...sorry...in case you haven't noticed from my posts, I am a very needy person...appreciate your advise.

I've always read that after a pb, barf, refund, whatever you want to call it, it's a good idea to go on liquids for a period of time.  Some say a few hours, some say 24, some say 48.  I think it's up to the individual to gauge how they feel and see what works for them.

My last episode was pretty bad, I was out of town and even coffee wasn't staying down.  This went on for almost 2 hours (no, I wasn't continuing to try to eat for 2 hours.. it just took 2 hours for things to settle down enough for me to get some yogurt down).  I even called my nurse to warn her I might be coming in for an unfill if things didn't improve soon!

Since I was traveling, it was difficult to do strictly liquids.. so I ate soups and that seemed to work alright for me.   I was fine the next day and haven't had another episode since.

It's ok to be needy.. we all are at some point.

Thanks Lisa for your post back to me.  It was very helpful and you are so sweet.  So when you were out of town did you pull an "I'm addicted to food" episode or something close to it?  Ugh, I don't even feel hungry (a good thing of course) and am more than happy to be on liquids for the rest of the day and will see how I feel in the a.m.  I know I feel really dry so am going to put some H20 in me to get it going...have a great day and thanks for sharing your experience!

Just wanted to say that ticker is ADORABLE!!!

Thx...I had it made 'specially for me by someone really nice on the board!

No, I just did something without thinking.

I was out of town to see my oncologist and since it was only going to be an overnight trip.. I didn't hassle with packing my vitamins/supplements.  Figuring one day off wouldn't be a big deal.  And it wasn't for the vit.'s... BUT because I didn't have them, I DIDN'T drink a cup of coffee before trying to eat breakfast.

Big mistake.  I didn't realize how much the coffee has been loosening my band so I could eat.. lol.

That was March 30th of this year.   Been almost a month since I've thrown up.. hope I don't jinx myself.  ::grin::

Hope you're feeling better.

No jinx when helping a fellow bandster! :)  I hope you are doing okay and thanks for sharing.

You are important enought to make finding a therapist a priority.  I did this for myself last year and it's really helped a lot!  You and I seem to be very similar, high functioning, busy, but fighting depression.  I KNOW we are not alone, either!  Many that struggle with obesity struggle with depression.  I don't know which came first, but starting meds saved me about 6 years ago and my band tool is doing it's part to complete the transformation.  I promised myself therapy after my first year banded because I knew that I needed it to complete the circle.

We are worth it!  The fist step is opening the yellow pages.  Look for a therapist that specializes in eating disorders/compulsive over-eating.  It may take a few trys to find the right one, but it's really, really worth it!

Hang in there.  Any number of us could have written this post.  It's being powerless over food that binds us all together, but hey!  We have tools to help, yes, we do!

Best~
Lisa O.

THanks - today is my LISA day for support and hugs!  I definitely will be searching out a therapist...I KNOW I need to but it's so hard to "find the time" to do everything you need to do outside of work and it always seems I'm "leaving work early" for something already.  So, will need to check out a few and just chat with my boss and see what we can do to accommodate cause I do agree that we are worth it and the struggle just doesn't go away with the rny, the band, whichever you choose...it's a battle of the mind all the time!  Thank you for your post.  I appreciate it very much!

Sapph - Please FIND the energy to get a therapist, immediately.  These food issues will not resolve themselves and this is your third chance at a healthy life.  Give it your all.  YOU'RE WORTH IT.  Heck, you probably could have found a therapist in your area and made an appointment in the time it took you to draft this post.  Just a thought.