Venting

I had surgery on the 28th of March and it's almost a month...
My husband had surgery on the 4th of April and he still can't seem to recover ( he had the sleeve) I've been waiting on him hand and foot and today seems like I'm just so frustrated and hardly getting any sleep. Today he woke me up at 7 and said I want a piece of orange... I'm more than happy to wait on him but some days aren't that great for me either...  i feel alone and like i have to put all my needs aside to be there .. and help with whatever he needs.
So we had a discussion and I was like I need support also ...
I feel like I'm eating a lot and I've only had one adjustment.. so i told him i need help.... i feel like I'm failing my tool and he doesn't understand.
He responded well you are eating a lot and you need to exercise! How am i suppose to exercise with having to watch him every minute of the day... He's been to the hospital 3 times and constantly gets dehydrated easily...yesterday he started in taking food... he's on nausea med...because he can't  keep anything down! I'm constantly worrying about him...
I told him i need support!
He responded with how am i suppose to support you if i see you eating and drinking really well and I'm over here feeling horrible... i can start to support you when I'm at least close to what your feeling! But right now no!
What is that suppose to mean???? I know he's frustrated depressed and feeling regret but we are in this together and i just need a little support ... It's not much ... i give him anything he needs at what ever time he needs ... trying to make things easier for him...but it seems like he doesn't appreciate anything i do! Or maybe this is me being a girl! ah!! i feel so blah!
I also feel like I'm over eating and depressed! 

You are in what is called Bandster Hell, hon!  (((((((((((you))))))))))))))))))  You arent even a month out...and probably havent even had your first fill.  It took me three fills to get to the Green Zone, where I am able to eat three cup size meals a day and healthy snacks *well, mostly healthy *G*).
I can eat just about anything  but now just in "happy meal" size portions.   I have had no problems with my band and would do it again.   Its normal to feel buyer's remorse at this early stage. Both of you just need to concentrate on healing and not worry about weight loss just yet.

Men can be such babies compared to us women!!  I feel for you..both of you having surgery so close together probably seemed like a good idea on paper!  I promise you WILL get through this.  Keep track of your food intake (Just because you CAN eat more than a cup of food doesnt mean you SHOULD) and know that once you get a fill (or two or three...it VARIES!!) you will not feel this hunger.   At least, this is how it worked for me and many others on this board.  I KNOW it doesnt work for everyone...but give it a chance before you stress yourself out much more about it. 

And come here anytime you need support.  Your hubby is being honest at least!!  He's in pain and understandably jealous that you can eat and drink while he's having a tough time at it.

I would suggest both of you go to a support group together. That way he gets the support he needs..........and u get the support you need. You all are coming from very different perspectives here. Easy to see why needs are not being met.

Good luck to both of u!!!

Recovery after the sleeve can be a lot more difficult from what I've seen from a few friends. 

And being a RN I can tell you a lot of men are more stressed out when they are sick or have had surgery. Not used to being a 100%, so they don't always make the best patients. hahaha

After surgery I know I was pretty emotional.  Change is stressful.  You have gone through a lot and it must be tough not to have him helping you. 

He needs to get up and get moving and get his own whatever and if he's too weak, then he needs to talk to his surgeon.  Is he constantly sipping on fluids?  And maybe you can post on the sleeve board and see if they have suggestions for him recovering.

As far as your eating please follow your surgeon's eating plan.  It's so important for you to heal right now.

You can vent anytime you want on here!

Hugs,
Kristi

 I think you need to do several things, to help your situation. First off, he needs a plan from the doctor for his dehydration problems. That means, what should he be drinking, and how often. Put twice as much as he will drink within his reach, and remind him to drink, drink, drink. Men respond very poorly to weakness, at work, another nurse here, I call anything I can a tool. Men understand tools. So his beverages are his tools for getting better, and it is his job to use his tools. And yes this tool bs really works with men. I think you also need a plan for setting limits. Tell him you also need rest periods and schedule them with him. Say you will be gone from 4-6 and you will check on him at 6, and perhaps he could relax and take a nap for 2 hours. A schedule will make you both feel more in control. Also, why don't you each ask the other for one thing that would make things better. Maybe eat less in front of him, and take a break and have a meal at a local restaurant. Definately call your docs about more support, you have a rough situation. pm me if you want, so this post doesn't go on forever,

 give yourself a break.....time heals all.....your new lifestyle will become a part of you and your husbands' daily routine....

remember that post op is time of many emotions and healing....

u r on your own journey.....as is your husbands....

u r 2 unique individuals.....

u must take care of YOU.....

talk to your doctor, friends, and support groups.....

best of luck!!!

I don't have anything new to add to the awesome points and support from the other posters.  I just wanted to let you know I feel for you and am sending you a hug! 

Hello Everyone!
I want to thank everyone for their posts and comments, very helpful and I'm implementing some of you all's ideas starting tomorrow!
I want to say i really really appreciate you all reaching out and commenting back!
Thanks Again!
Joann :)