To Quit or Not to Quit: Skinny Therapist Treating Disordered Eating

UPDATE:  Had to change the word "dump" to "quit" in the title since it, apparently, thought I was referencing 'p0rn'.


Even though I'm self pay and the whole 'psych eval' wasn't a pre-req for me, I believed that I would be better positioned for success if I went ahead and got back into therapy - this time, specifically to move through this surgery and weight loss journey.  I asked around, got a couple of referrals and decided to go with a female therapist about 10 minutes from my house. 

She's had some good ideas, but so far it's been pretty standard "how did that make you feel" and "what did you think about that" type stuff.  She does put a heavy emphasis on journaling and I have to admit that's been helpful.

Here's my issue:  I’m not sure how she and I are going to work out long-term because I realized last night that I am having a hard time trusting her since she’s never had a weight problem.  Intellectually, I’m surprised that’s an issue for me since I absolutely LOVE my male gynecologist and, as far as I know, he’s "vaginally-challenged".

I am considering switching, then I feel bad because I feel like I'm discriminating against her for her absence of the experience of a life-long weight issue.  Though it may not be fair to her, I'm more concerned with how comfortable I am with a therapist since I am the one that has to really open myself up to get the most value out of the process.  As much as I cannot stand anybody that discriminates for any reason, this is causing me alot of anxiety and is just giving me something else to feel stressed about. 

On the one (logical) hand, I like her, she's had some really great suggestions and I feel like I'm learning alot about myself in the process.  On the other (emotional) hand, I don't trust that she can really understand on a personal level what I go through. 

Any thoughts on whether or not I should switch or if I'm just finding a creative way to sabotage the progress we've made?

My therapist is about 6'1" and thin as a rail, BUT, she is an eating disorder and WL specialist.  Most of her patients are obese or have other food related issues.  I trust her completely becuase she is totally empathetic and has plenty of experience dealing with food related behavioral issues.

But I know what you mean.  I was once referred to a Physical Therapist by my PCP for a back issues I was having.  She looked at me and said, "You know, you wouldn't probably have this issue with your back if you just lost some weight.  It's easy, all you have to do is diet and exercise."  Yeah, I never went back to PT.  She's lucky she wasn't stuck with her head in the sheetrock when I left too! 

I think that you will be able to tell whether she is truly empathetic and tuned into the specific issues surrounding obesity, if not now, soon.  If she doesn't get it, don't blame her, she's just one of thousands that don't get it.  I lucked out and liked my therapist right off the bat, but as I understand it, many people have to try several before they find the right fit.  Just don't become biased against her because she's thin. (Biases go both ways, right?) Give her a chance and then make your decision.

I'm glad you're doing therapy.  To me, it's an essential piece to this process.

Best~
Lisa O.

It may be that you are getting an unconscious judgemental vibe from HER, especially if you know for a fact that you're not a discriminating person.  You must be able to trust and be comfortable with your therapist.  I say, give her another chance, then go with what you feel is right for you.  They have to "get it" or what they have to say is just words.

The most important aspect of therapy is the relationship and comfort level you feel with the person you're sitting across from.  I have a friend who is a therapist is very thin and has never had a weight problem.  I think she is very empathic and helpful to her clients.  It sounds like you're off to a good start with this therapist and like all relationships your trust will grow.

 If you feel like she is helpful so far and that the problem may lie with you, then this is something you actually need to talk to the therapist about. Come right out and say it. You won't get anywhere by simply not addressing it and her response to your concern may tell you a lot as well. 

In playing "devil's advocate" Would you be more comfortable with an overweight therapist who (by nature MAYBE of being overweight) hasn't figured out her issues yet she's giving you advice.  I absolutely HATED this doctor I had who wasn't "morbidly" obese but he could have stood to lose about 50lbs himself always asking me why I don't lose weight.  The hard thing will be finding a "thin" therapist who "was" once fat and who obviously gets it AND has figured it out.

Just because someone is thin doesn't mean they dont' know the STRUGGLES of food and weight and perhaps staying thin.  Not everyone can eat "anything" they want and maintain their weight.

I would give her a few more sessions to see how you vibe before making a final decision.

Ms Shell

 How many times have you seen her??  I was wondering because I know it takes time to warm up... 
When I first went tosee some one, I wanted to see who my friend was going to cause she loved her, but she was busy, so the office set my appt with a guy.. 
He was nice, helpful.. but after four appointments or so, I realized it was not going to work, most of my issues were r/t men... trust, insecurity... I would never be able to open up to a man...
SO I called the office and switched to a female... 
Clicked for me right away................     Until she quit.. and left that job..next one no good...
SOmetimes it just takes time to find the right one...