You're so VAIN, you probably think this song is about ya

Thanks Lisa.  This is what I love about this board.  Being able to share  and others reaching out to help.  What a special group of people!  I wish I could give everyone a hug.  It really means alot to me. 

Hugs,
Kristi

Kristi,

I know I'm chiming in here kind of late, but my day got used up with the kind of meaningless, time-consuming crap that tends to dominate our lives...

You're right, your parents will never change, and you're entitled to have negative feelings about the way they treat you. One of the hard things for me to accept when my parents died was that I was never going to get the perfect parent I had wanted. I had striven to please them all my life and never quite got there...and then they were gone.

My mom was extremely competitive with me, not just about our appearance (the fatter I got, the more she ragged me about it, and the more she bragged about her decreasing size) but about education and career as well. It was hurtful at the time, but that really says more about Mom than it does about me. Just because she perceived certainf faults in me doesn't mean her perception was accurate (although I have to admit, sometimes it was dead on). Eventually I began to wonder if my mom especially (because we're female) was a bit jealous of me - of my youth, my abilities, my potential, my wide-open future. She didn't even want to have children (she only did it because that's what women did in the early 1050's), and though I know she loved me, she must have wondered occasionally what her life would have been like without children - if it would've been easier, or allowed her to fulfill her own dreams.

So who knows what's really going on in your mom's head. It may seem like it's all focused on criticism and judgment of you and your sister, but there's probably a lot of "me-me-me" in there too.

Jean

I read this thread while at lunch today at work, and it is the first time I was I have to post when I get home.

My mother was never thin, but she (and the rest of HER side of the family, who were heavy), would always tell me you would be so pretty if you lost weight. My mother never went to those extremes, but she has never been all that supportive.

And now for my own rant lol. I planned on staying with my parents for a couple days after surgery, I ended up leaving after 1 night. I get to their house after I had my surgery and what is out in the open in the kitchen? Twinkies, hershey bars, donuts, etc. and the kicker! my mother is a severe diabetic!

She now tells me oh how I skinny, I am, how I am now thinner than her etc. but she will not do a single ting to help herself. I got engaged a few weeks after surgery, and she has not made 1 appointment to try on dresses, and I have made all but 1 easy for HER to get to! Isn't a mother supposed to be ecstatic when her ONLY daughter, and ONLY child gets engaged?!?!?!

well I am done ranting now, I could go on and on but I won;t

My MIL is a Diabetic and she has all kinds of candy, cookies and you name it's at her home.  She also sends home bags of homemade rolls, cookies etc.  I learned to tell my family to divide it up and keep it out of my sight.  It works.  I'm sorry to hear that your mom is not enthusiastic about your engagement.  Who can figure out parents? hahaha  Maybe my kids say the same thing.  Interesting that she compared your weight to her. 

Congrats on your engagement!  DH and my 25th wedding anniversary is in Sept.  The time goes by so fast.