thoughts on the eve of my surgery

I am thinking about a lot of things. I wonder if I will ever be thin enough for my family. My mother passed away recently but both parents always said I was fat. For my 12th birthday they gave me a gift of a cellulite brush. At the time I was 5 feet tall and 67 pounds and they said I had thunder thighs. This is coming from a 5'10" man who weighs 220 pounds and woman 5'2" 190 pounds. Mom was continually on a diet and both of them would say 'do you really need that?' anytime I ate anything. It seems a cruel way to bring up a girl.

My surgeon's group runs support meetings after WLS and I think I will definitely need them. I also have a therapist and I have increased the frequency of my meetings with him.

I wonder what I will do instead of eat, already this two weeks of pre-op diet is killing me. It is like having a part of me die inside. To encourage me, my husband is doing the pre-op diet with me and he was skinny already. He has had to stop spin class and running because he drops too much weight the next day. Really? Can you lose weight that fast from one spin class? It makes a mockery of any exercise I have done in the past.

I have bought some cross stitch samples to hopefully give me something to do instead of eat. I guess I can exercise some of the time. I will be a whole different person if I am not sitting down watching the tube eating non-stop. I am a bit scared of the person I will be. What if I become intolerant or nasty? There are some positives because I think I will not be so tired. I never go out on a week night as I can't work the next day for fatigue.

I only lost 14.7 pounds on the pre-op diet so I hope my liver will be small enough to do the op laparascopically. If not, my surgeon has said she will do it open.

I'm hoping some of you can relate.

You are going to do great ! We all have these kinds of thoughts right before surgery they are totally normal! Not to worry :)  I'll be thinking of you on your big day :)

I'm sorry your confidence has been so sadly knocked in the past...as you say its a sad way to bring up a child!
Let me say that the liver shrinking diet is the worst part of the whole process & it only gets easier.  I wish you all the best for your surgery. It will be a difficult first week but you'll get through it and be on your way to a new you, but do it for your self & nobody else!!!

Good luck..........Jill

No wonder you became obese!  My mom was a lot like yours...making me a-line skirts to hide my 17 inch thunder thighs....I thought I was fat, so that is what I became (funny how that works-though it was only part of the equation).
Knowledge is power...you know that food has taken the place of parental love in your life.  Try to think of some times when your parents were loving and how they showed it to you...might be only one time or event...write it down.  Every time you can think of another time one or the other of them showed you love, do the same.  Read it daily...if there is a photo of you with each of them individually (whether you were a baby or small child) frame it and put it in a spot where you can see it.  I have a photo of my mom and I on my dresser taken when I was 4 months old...she obviously loved me and it comforts me a lot.  Frame a photo of yourself as a baby and remember that you have to take care of this person, just like you would a baby...feed the baby and nurture her and above all, love her enough to change your food lifestyle.
You will find a way to do this...we are all here to support you!
Steph

I sure do relate and I had an awful time on the pre-surgery diet.  It took me 11 months to lose 45lbs. but that just told me I had to have the surgery to ever lose weight because I was white knuckling it.  If I didn't have the surgery as a goal I would have blown my diet.  It was so hard. I am glad now for all that time though because I had to divorce myself from food as my friend.  I had to distract me.  Your needlework sounds like a great idea.  I do time on the computer - I am thinking of writing a book maybe.  I will go back to water aerobics because its easy exercise, I don't sweat and I have met lots of friends there struggling too with their weight.  I had surgery April 11th after just squeeking under the 60 BMI limit for laproscopy.  The surgery was soooooo easy.  Even the doctor said it was so easy.  I was in and out in 55 minutes.  I felt like I had done 1,000 sit-ups afterwards so it was hard to move using those same stomach muscles but I had no pain.  I had an RX but didn't need it.  It is going to be a different life.  I pray more now - use my sense of humor all I can and made a list of all the new things I will be able to do to keep me motivated.  Nothing could taste as good as a healthy weight will feel.