To tell or Not to tell???

I myself have told some people I do not care who knows it. However whats funny I am choosing not to tell two of my best guy friends.   but there are specific reasons i am no telling them.  :)  but I can agree you shouldn't lie about how your doing it.

 

Tamie

Tonya I do agree with you that if it were someone who was asking because they were struggling themselves I would tell them. If I didn't I would feel like I was keeping a secret that could change their life. I am not sure I would have had the courage to have wls if I hadn't seen 3 people I know doing so great with theirs.

I get where you are coming from, and agree on many levels, however because I did shout it from the rooftops that I was getting a lapband and then learned fast that the lap band did not in fact lose the weight for me. I had to work so hard for it and continue to work hard and hate that there are so many people who just assume I have had it easy because I had "wls".

What I had was a surgery that gave me better willpower (it did not however do away with my head hunger or free will). I also had a surgery that got me full faster (but if I chose/ choose to eat high caloric foods I will still be heavy). Lastly I had a surgery that made it uncomfortable if I eat bread or pasta IF I am at restriction. Since I have not always had amazing restriction like now, I have to then count on myself just like preop to make those right choices.

I guess what I am getting at is that unless I have a chance to explain lapband to people now, I have learned to not just flippantly spout out that I have one. Its not fair to me or them if they are considering a WLS. Not only do they only see the before/after with out the inbetween, but it dismisses the hard work I put forth to be where I am. However I do agree that any opportunity I get to actually explain and/ or counsel someone who is interested in a lapband (or any wls for that matter) I take it and share my experience.

I personally tell everyone who asks me how i am losing the weight. All my friends and family know. I don't mind. I haven't had anyone be negative since the surgery. When i was considering the band everyone had an opinion. I do think it is a personal choice to tell or not. I did it for me and no one else so they can like it or not. I think it is great that so many people do tell.

Well I don' t care who knows that I'm having WLS. I have told my family and my friends. The only ppl I have not told is my girls. They get upset when their is hospitals involved. For a while in my family, everyone that went into the hospital didn't come out. My girls think their dad and I are just having some test down for old ppl and we have to stay over night in the hospital. We will talk to them later about the WLS. I have also got negative stuff from my family like, you are going to die. People die from WLS or they get soo sick they have life long illnesses. If I don't get WLS, I will die and have life long illnessess...SMDH!!!

My husband doesn't want anyone he works with to know, bc they don't mind their business. I don't have a problem with that. I will tell anybody, I don't care. Its my life...

JUST SAYIN!!!

Well the first year I told anybody that would listen but now 3 yrs. and only 40 lbs down I wish I'd been a little more discreet. I was sooooo sure this was the turning point for me but alas it was not to be, so it's a bit embarrassing when people ask now didn't you have WLS? What do you say? Yes but again I'm the one it didn't work for. So be reasonable ab out who you tell, it may come back and bite ya in the butt!!

I am also one of the people who didn't tell everyone.  My parents know and obviously, my husband.  My sister knows.  But other than that, I almost find it easier to talk about it with people that I'm NOT all that close with.  I absolutely did not tell my in-laws and have no intention of doing so.  I didn't tell most of my co-workers but I work for my father and with my husband so they already knew.  And it's a construction company and I am literally the ONLY female employee.  Not a lot of girl talk going on around here...

I chose very deliberately to not tell my in-laws for a couple of reasons.  Most of all being that it's just none of their business.  We already don't get along and they are so very judgemental.  I saw how the reacted when my husband told them I was going on anti-depressants after my third (out of seven) miscarriage and they were VERY critical, felt it necessary to work into every conversation tey had with me AND told everyone they knew like it was some sort of ****tail party anecdote.  No way are they getting in on this one too.

After a lot of thinking about it, I also talked about it on my blog (which is not a WLS blog, just a personal one and so the two things naturally intersected).  I know that some of the people I know from my actual real life read that and so they probably know but I don't talk about with them and they don't bring it up.  I have a couple of friends that I spend a lot of time with that do know but again, they only talk about it if I bring it up first and I appreciate that consideration.

WLS is a big deal.  We all know that.  And everyone builds their support system differently.  For me, it was very important that I surround myself with people whom I knew I count on for support.  I wanted to have friends and family that I could lean on and not that I knew were watching me every time they saw me and trying to guage their opinion of my success.  I didn't know how successful I would be or even if I would be successful at all.  So far so good, but things can change.

There was so much that was unknown so I think that one thing I knew I would be able to control was who was in on this with me.  I could control who knew.  And for me, that's a big deal.  I think that so often the idea that caring what other people think is looked at as a bad thing.  And I don't necessarily agree.  Whether we are willing to admit it or not, we all need to be supported.  We need to be encouraged.  Those things affect our mental, emotional and physical well-being.  IT MATTERS and I think saying it doesn't isn't being totally honest with yourself.  I know that I already have precarious mental health.  I am prone to bouts of very dark and deep, deep depression.  And that can sometimes be triggered by feeling judged or belittled.  So I protected myself (hee... like an emotional condom).  I am selfish in this endeavor.  I am valuing MY health and well-being above all others.  And to accomplish that, I have to make some choices on who I let in.

And yes.  People who have noticed my weight loss that haven't been told that I've had surgery were told one thing.  My response to them was "Thank you.  I've made some changes in my life to try and be healthier."  A statement that is 100% true.  Vague?  Sure.  But true and all the pertinent information that they need to know.  This is my decision and my journey.  And I have the control over who I let in.  I like it that way.

I am so sorry to hear that your in-laws have treated you so poorly.  It sounds like to you have the support of those *****ally matter to you (Parents, Husband and Friends) and that is truly a blessing.  Everyone's situation is different and we all have to handle this journey in our own ways.  I can even say that I like you answer when asked how your losing weight.  I just take issue with those who flat out say "Diet and Exercise." I wish you much sucess on your journey!!!!!! 

The car analogy is illogical to me. If you say you walked when you drove you lied. This is because you did not walk.

But the when a person says they dieted and excercised that is 100% true. 

A better analogy would be: someone claims they walked to work.  Then they omit the detail that their car had broken down. 

 They were not forced to walk -they could have taken a cab or  carpooled, but the breakdown was the catalyst needed to get them walking.  
So when they say they walked it was not a lie, they just choose not to disclose every detail.

In the same way a bandster could still gain the weight (Mc Donald's shakes) they choose to use the band as the catalyst for diet and excercise.

We do that every day.  If we discussed every detail to every person we could sit around talking forever. 

We omit things all the time for all kinds of reasons. Privacy, Brevity and because sometimes people don't want to know every detail of our lives.

 On a personal note, for some reason I am not the talker I used to be and I just don't feel like answering a lot of questions. I guess I will tell people in time but I dont feel obligated to tell people.  I told a friend recently and I will tell more as I feel like it.   I dont believe I am a liar, just private.


When someone says they dieted - I dont feel they need to tell me about every tool: drug, program, chart, consultation, injection, that they used. I just assume there are a lot of details that I dont know about.     

                                 Anyway that is just my two cents but God bless and I hope you all do great 
      

Very well said Mom41!!

When I tell people I eat 1200 calories and work out 5-6 days a week, its the truth...  

They don't need to know every detail.  

As we all know, whatever surgery you choose, is work.. HARD work...   And we all know that "dieting" is crucial..  I can eat a bag of chips in one sitting... as well as ice cream, cookies, candy, etc.  Still takes willpower and making the right decisions.