Why do so many men choose not to part of their children's lives???

I have a daughter that is 23 now.  Her father has never really had an active roll in her life.  There were times he would hang out with her, but she said he acted more like a playmate than a father.  I have been a very lucky person.  My daughter has never caused me a moment's trouble.  She has been an "A+" student from day one.  She never got in any trouble in school.  She finished high school with a 4.0 and was accepted into a top university in Illinois.  She graduated college at the top of her class.  Her father has talked to her a total of 2 times since she was in high school.  I just don't understand why some men just don't have any interest in their children.  How can you have a person in the world that is yours and not WANT to be part of their lives???  I could almost understand if she was some bratty pain in the ass kid...but she was always a good kid.  Never misbehaved or talked back.  Having her in my life and raising her has been the single most wonderful thing in my life. 

The reason why I bring this up is because I was watching this stupid commercial....it's an insurance company commercial...maybe State Farm.  The commercial starts with a guy standing in the driveway talking to his daughter (who they show as a little 5 year old kid) she is about to drive.  He is of course concerned for her safety and is running down the rules.  And the little girl is getting impatient...then they show the girl again and she's a teenage girl pulling out of the driveway.  The father stands in the driveway waving and watching his daughter drive away.  I was watching this commercial and thinking how sad it is that my daughter never had that kind of father and I'm all of the sudden sitting there crying....over a stupid commercial.  Wondering why I was so stupid as to choose that man to have a child with and if I had better judgment in people my daughter would have a good dad.  OMG!!!!  All these feelings over a damn commercial....or maybe all of those hormones in my fat have been released and are running crazy in my system...hahaha

 I can appreciate your distress in "choosing" the wrong man to be your daughter's father.  He sounds more like a sperm donor than a father, however (TWICE in how many years???)  Try and take solace that YOU have done an awesome job in raising this successful, bright person who has brought you such joy.  I think it's always hard living with our children's pain/disappointment, but she sure sounds lucky having you for a mom !!!

 PS  Those commercial's are killers!

Yes it's terrible her father was/is not n her life. But if he wasn't her father she wouldn't be who she is. You must be an outstanding mother to have a daughter like that.

I understand why you hurt for her, but maybe some day he will realize his errors. Hugs

Karen

You know, you must be a pretty great mom, cause it sounds like your daughter has turned out wonderful despite her male role model situation. As a retired techer, I heard many stories of absentee fathers. I wondered if they ever had any idea of what they missed. I have never understood how someone could give life and not want to treasure and nurture it. It's been her dad's loss, but not yours. You daughter sounds perhaps wise beyond her years. Maybe she will look for someone to be a great dad to her children and your grandchildren someday. Sounds like a good talk to have between a terrific mom and awesome daughter.

I don't have an answer, but a similar situation.  My daughter is 21 and since she was 3 her father has spent maybe two hours a week with her except for the last three years that she has been away at college and he's seen her, of course, even less.  Her college is about 6 hours away and he's never visited her there, although I've been up there several times.   He was never much of a financial help, paying about 200 a month and when she turned 18, that stopped.  He's never helped with any of her college expenses. 

Like your daughter, my daughter is a great kid, graduated HS in the top 5%, has been on the deans list at college, doesn't smoke, do drugs, has been experimenting a little with alcohol now that she's 21, but I'm okay with that has long as she's responsible.  I often feel sad that she doesn't have the father I wish for her, but it's his loss.  She knows exactly what he's like and she said to me once that when she's reaches her goal in life someday, he's just one less person she'll have to thank because he's never been there for her.  The funny thing is he often takes all the credit for her being the great kid she is.  He doesn't know how much she dreads spending time with him but does because she feels obligated.

But I do know there are men who are different and are very active in their children's lives after divorce.  We just picked the wrong men, I'm afraid.  But we did something right to have such great kids.  We're both lucky and blessed for that.  Take care,

cat

The same thing happened to me....not one dime of help for college exspenses.  But my daughter said she didn't want any of his money even if he offered...she said "we've done it on our own all this time we don't need him now".  How wise she is. 

Fortunately, for her sake her father just leaves her alone.  When he does come around (I think the last time was 7-8 years ago) he causes nothing but chaos and trouble.  We compare him to a tornado....he comes around for a few minutes and it's a disaster.  He's so bad that his own family doesn't talk to him anymore.  We are lucky to have a wonderful relationship with his family.  His sister is one of my best friends and his father will be walking my daughter down the isle in June when she gets married.  I don't know what weird genetic mutation happened at conception that created him because his family is wonderful...hahaha  

Even though her dad is a nothing.. It is truly a blessing that his family has been there for you guys.

This is my story of my own relationship with my FATHER. Every since I was 4 yrs old I have been disappointed and not felt love by my dad. We share the same birthday ( April 4th) I never could understand why he didn't want me. My step-mother has been around since then. I used to blames her alot, but it wasn't all her ( step-mother story whole nother day ). Anyway, He has never been there for me all my life but would tell ppl all this stuff he would do for me and all this time he would spend with me. I dnt talk to him much, bc he has bad mouthed my husband and he never wanted to be in my kids life. It used to upset me, but know my heart is cold for him. For some reason I still love him, but I dn't like him. He had to have triple bypass surgery last summer and it did'n't even faze me. I told him i was having WLS and he told me I was going to die . He said everybody dies from WLS. I just SMDH and kept it moving. Nothing I do is good enough. So I have just wiped him from my mind. I really don't know WHY some men don't have anything to do with their kids. They don't realize how special it is to have children. To watch them grow up and become great ppl in this world. I have tried to come up with all kinds of excuses for these men and why they do what they do...My mom feels the same way you do. I was BLESSED to have a wonderful step-father in my life since I was 9 yrs old. He walked me down the for my wedding, taught me how to drive and has helped me out alot since I have been disabled. My girls are his heart of hearts. I truly understand how you feel about this issue. OMG, I hope I don't get any crazy feelings about him when I have surgery, I might end up in PRISON LMAO!!!

GETTING MY RED CRAYON BACK OUT!

That is a pet peeve of mine also! How can you NOT care about your own child?! And I know the the commercial your talking about. It's a very sweet commercial, and so sad that ALL children don't have that type of father! :-(

Another pet peeve is men that don't pay child support! I don't know how many times over the years I have heard men complain about how the wife/gf "screwed them over/took them to the cleaners/is living off of their money/etc." while complaining about what they are suppose to pay for child support. When I ask how much the amount it (yeah cause I'm a nosey ***** lol), almost always the amount they state is LESS than what the mom will have to pay for child care to go out and work to support HIS child!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then to add insult to injury..............some of these same men have moved on to get married or live with women that have children...............and end up supporting those kids........BUT NOT THEIR OWN!