Just some thoughts and observations

Hello

Some of you know my posts by now.  I was 354 lbs 2 years ago.  With a combination of hard work, determination and my Band I have lost 140+ lbs. ( a little more weight and I will be at goal).   I have come so far and I'm not just talking about losing the weight or fitting into smaller clothes...which by the way is awesome!!!! 

I'm talking about running around the grocery store and not breaking into a sweaty mess.  Or carrying my groceries up to my second floor and not having to rest for a moment before I go down for the second armful.  Shopping with my daughter at the mall and having to sit on the bench for awhile because I just can't go any further.  Going out with my friends and not being able to keep up with them.  Hating to accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and hating what I see.  Picking out an out fit and wishing I could look cute in it.  Going to a restaurant and eating a normal meal and not feel the judgment in everyone's minds.   Never feeling good about the way I look.  Just being totally and utterly uncomfortable in my own skin.  

So much of that is going away.  Now sometimes if I accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I have to remind myself that's me.  I can run all over the store or mall and not sweat and feel no pain.  I feel great and I feel healthy.  

But yesterday I was waiting in line and there was a few overweight people around.  I noticed how one lady was uncomfortably crammed into a booth.  Or the lady behind me that I could tell was uncomfortable or in pain from having to standing in line too long.  I see people walking and they are in pain and limping or leaning on their carts because it hurts.  I have been watching these people and it reminds me of my own misery.  Oh how I don't want to be that person ever again.  When I see these people it reminds me that I will work my ass off for the rest of my life if I have to...but I don't want to be like that again. 

OMG...I feel so lucky to have lost this weight...like I won the lottery or something   






 

 I completely agree.

One of my co workers is heavy and has terrible plantar fasciitis. The other day after a particularly busy shift she was limping and really hurting ...you could see it :(

I felt so bad for her and KNEW how that felt, because it used to be me.

 You just made me tear up a little bit, and I'm totally serious.  You said it so well.  It's not about a number (on the scale)...it's about life!  And so many times I've wanted to share with someone else how different life is once the choice for change is made, but the fact is, until someone is *ready*, they don't want to hear about it.  

Tami

Congratulations on all of the hard work you have been through and will continue to go through to be healthier!  That's awesome!  You are an inspiration!

I feel very blessed also. I do the same thing when I'm out places. I notice when heavy people have trouble tying their shoes, look around the room for a chair without arms, or have trouble holding their toddler because the toddlers legs won't open wide enough. I notice because I lived it...I was there once. WAS...never again. I think these are reality checks for us and to help us realize even though we may not be perfect, we sure have come a long way!
Sherie

Very well put. I feel so many of the same things and it's wonderful! For me one of the biggest things is not feeling guilty when I eat, especially in public. Before I always felt, like Hey I'm fat, I don't deserve to eat. Now eating is so freeing!

You are so right!

I actually thought about this yesterday. I was in a restaurant at lunch time and (being still fixated on weight!) I looked round the room. It was a quality place, not fast food and most of the others there were retirees or young mums enjoying a day out at a Garden Centre. Quality foods, all organic, freshly prepared etc. so not where you expect to see enormous numbers of very over-weight people. (It may be different in the US but in very, very general terms, we see more overweight people in fast food places than we do in quality palces.)

I did a head count. there were about 60 people sitting down and of those perhaps 5 were seriously overweight - not morbidly obese, perhaps could do with losing about 40- 50lbs. And a few more were a bit overweight but probably not enough to affect health.

Now this is a horrible thing to admit, and I would never admit it anywhere apart from here (please, I am not a nasty person, I am just being honest), my first feeling was of pride, almost superiority  - I'm not like you, ladies; I'm slim!

But as I watched them, and as I saw how much they were eating and how they moved as they went to their seats, I just felt over-whelmng gratitude for my band.

So far whenever I have lost control, I have been able to pull it back. The idea of the discomfort of being obese terrifies me!

Kate

I hear what you are saying Kate and I know you are just being honest about how you feel.  I have had a different experience when I see overweight people.   I don't feel superior but just damned lucky that I was able to get this life-changing surgery.  The only way I was able to get this surgery was because we met our 5000.00 out-of pocket deductible due to my husbands chemo expenses last year. We still owe over 3000.00 in his unpaid  medical bills but I didnt have to pay a dime to get my lapband surgery as long as I got it done before  the end of the year. 

I see overweight people now and I smile at them because I know how it feels to for people to avoid looking at ME.  I just never want to feel smug or superior because I was lucky enough to afford this surgery.   I used to avoid looking at fat people because I was afraid I would get that big but now ...its different somehow.  Maybe because of the hours I spent on OH looking at all the before and after photos....these obese people ALL have a naturally thin person inside. Those photos really shook me up and made me more compassionate I guess. 

Don't get me wrong Kate. I mean no disrespect...your post just made me think about how I feel about seeing MO people in public now versus how I looked at them before.  Thanks for making me think.

Jolena

Oh I know you don't mean any disrespect!

And, as I said, that was just my first feeling but it was soon overtaken by my gratitude for my band and my sympathy for those who aren't as lucky as I !

kate