Support is....

(This post does not refer to information given to pre-ops; it refers to answers given to people who have already had wls, whichever surgery they might have chosen.)

Support is................

"listening" to what people say

showing you understand

showing that you do not blame the poster for what is going wrong

accepting that it is as hard to alter mindset as it is anatomy

offering postiive advice where appropriate

sharing experiences which are helpful

being honest but being decent in the way you do it.

Support is NOT.....

offering spurious sympathy ("sorry, but what did you expect")

offering over-the-top advice ("you have one problem, get a revision")

telling people their chances of success are minimal

telling people that something may work now but it won't long term

I am not advocating false hope; I am not advocating hiding the unpleasant experiences. On the contrary, we need to know them. I am advocating common humanity.

(Repeat. this post does not refer to information given to pre-ops; it refers to answers given to people who have already had wls, whichever surgery they might have chosen.)




Kate

~(Repeat. this post does not refer to information given to pre-ops; it refers to answers given to people who have already had wls, whichever surgery they might have chosen.)~

And what you don't want to see is that pre-ops read ALL the posts. They don't just read posts that are directed at pre-ops just like those that already have the band read posts that are specifically directed at pre-ops! When I made a post a wk. or 2 ago that was specifically targeted for pre-ops others that had the band already read it anyway and wanted to jump in the middle of it! As usual!

So why would u think that just b/c someone had got the band and is posting about what she thinks is a band issue that pre-ops will not look a that post and see the responses??!

Pre-ops do need all the info, and yes, of course they read all posts. But I believe that when someone specifically posts to ask for help, when s/he is already banded, it is simply unkind to be purely and solely negative.

Even if the band were as dangerous, unsuccessful and useless as you argue, it is still nasty to continually emphasise to those having issues that it is virtually inevitable that they will end up in a worse condition than they are now.

This is a support board. You tell us that you didn't get support when you needed it. Can't you see that the way you respond to Qs can be just as unsupportive? By all means tell people it is not their fault, it is the band not working.  But don't make matters worse for them. And don't assume!  If they are eating too much, for example, don't assume it is because the band has failed. It might be that but it also might be they are not eating dense protein etc..

You accuse us of only seeing the good about the band (and that is anyway not true at all!) but you are doing exactly the same thing in reverse. I am told that even some of the most anti-band people on here have called you on this (I am blocked by them so didn't see it myself). But WasaBubbleButt is about the most anti-band person imaginable and she and I have had many arguments. But she never tells a banded person that things can only get worse, she offers advice! Leila had a really bad experience as did N.M., and both of them warn pre-ops. But they do support post-ops; they don't set out to scare them or even, as you have done, say that in a year or so's time, they will have major problems.

You spend time pushing Bette's campaign against child cancer, so you obviously care about others. Why can't you care about bandsters?

Kate

Thank you Kate!

Amen, Kate. 

Again.............I post responses not just for the OP to read, but for ALL the band members as well. Support is NOT just saying what someone wants to hear. There are some of you on here that give a lot of ppl false  hope. Will their band fail? Maybe. Maybe not. I have no way of knowing that. I hope it doesn't, but from what I observe on the forum...........there are far more failures than successes. Now to be honest, some of those are bandster failures. If you get the band............yes.............u DO have to do your part. But far more are actually BAND FAILURES. It's like trying to blow up a balloon with a giant hole in it. No matter how much u try to work with it...............IT JUST WON'T WORK FOR SOME PPL! And those ppl should NOT be made to feel  like **** b/c they have a band that is not working!!! Funny how I don't see all the sensitivity and concern for THOSE ppl?!

Just remember...............SUPPPORT WORKS BOTH WAYS!!!

Thank you Kate- great post. I know that myself and some others (even though we did not have any issues) are waiting and expecting problems and are really nervous about when the complications will happen- this is due to many posts we read here.
I agree, a pre-op needs to know everything, but if somebody has difficulties or a problem, supportive advise is much more appreciated than blame.

What great advice.  I always try to be kind with my support.  I try not to be judgmental.  I try to be supportive and understanding. 

I have to agree Kate!  I understand I do not have a band as of yet.  My surgery date is 4/19/11.  I read every post on here usually.  I have noticed a common trend with some posters.  Most on here are very supportive and offer great advice.  Others are very discouraging.  If I had a problem with my band, the LAST thing I would want to hear is that it is going to progress in to something much worse, but rest be assured that you can always switch to something more successful.  I feel some complain that they do not ever receive enough support from fellow bandsters when something goes wrong and they blame it on the person instead of the "lousy band:".  I regularly visit each and every WLS forum from the DS to the VSG.  It is like that on EVERY one of their forums, not just the Lap Band forum.  I do not look at it like blame the bandster.  I think that others are just asking if what you are eating or doing could be to blame.  Even my surgeon's nutritional book is like that.  You should always question what you are doing and in control of first.  I do not think that when they ask you if you are eating correctly they are saying you are to blame.  Some people with obesity, me included, do not recognize what they eat as being bad.  I have caught myself saying MULTIPLE times that I eat healthy.  Really?! Then why am I 245 lbs.?  I am in denial.  Someone asking me if I am making good food choices point blank could be a wake up call.  I think that there is great support on this site, but it just might not be what some people want to hear.  Maybe if everyone starts responding with "You are not losing weight because the band sucks..." would be more appreciated by this particular person.  After all, that could be the only possibility for not being successful right?  

   Love this Kate! Thank You for for the mindful post!