Are Addictions Different

They say a certain percentage of people who have WLS end up with transferred addictions - sex, drugs, alcohol, or other.  I'm sure an even higher percentage of people who kick other addictions transfer their addiction to food because it is socially acceptable and everyone has to eat.  It's easier to kick a habit you can cut completely out of your life than one where you have to handle and consume the substance daily, but only in healthier choices and amounts.  I think you have some serious thinking to do.  I would recommend talking to someone with experiences with addictions counseling.  I would predict that if you continue in the direction you are headed, you will lose your will to stay clean with your addiction or will substitute another for it.  But my guess is you would go back to the addiction easiest to access and most accepted, and the one that will help keep peace in your home.  I don't know how far you have come in this new walk of yours, but as one who has lost only 50 pounds so far, I can tell you my world has changed.  Fortunately that change is taking me closer to my husband who is not obese and does not have much of an addictive personality.  He does eat way more than me, but, alas, his motor burns hotter and food goes through him like a rocket while my engine burns fuel the most economical of all.  I would think you would be moving away from some important things you have in common with your love - the addiction to food, and that may cause trouble in your relationship.  Significant weight loss can cause trouble in an otherwise comfortable relationship because it changes the dynamics.  Even good change can be hard to adjust to sometimes.

Take care of yourself first while you are single.  Taking care of others sometimes helps us perpetuation our own problems.  My DH hasn't always been supportive of my efforts to lose weight even when I have weighed more than 100 pounds more than him.  I think things are on a more even keel right now because my weight loss has slowed way down and I'm more even minded.  Things were a little rough there in the beginning when the weight was just dropping off.

Good luck to you.  Do what's right for you.
C

There is no difference in my opinion an addiction is an addiction only the drug of choice is different. I  personally think my food addiction is harder because I can't completely stay away from foods like I have been able to stay away from cigarettes for over 15 years now I just quit and stayed away from them.

Can you imagin telling a alcoholic or a crack addict that they can't overdo it but yet have to have only one drink or hit?

I have asked my husband to not bring certain foods into the home and he is very dilligent after seeing a Dr. Oz show that spoke about food addiction (I think coming from a professional it had more meaning).  He even keeps some snacks in the house but ones that I don't like or won't eat.

Still if on the occasional Saturday night I ask him to do a Ben and Jerry's run he won't refuse me....he'll just eat half of it LOL!!!!

I have always been very strict about what my kids eat even before the band, they aren't addicted to food and are of normal weight....... my montra is if it is not in the house and I don't buy it they can't eat it....... they are adopted so don't have my obesity gene :-)

Although when I was young I used to sneak to the store to buy junk food,, hide food in my room and used to raid the cupboards eating it all and putting back empty boxes........horrible thinking back on it.

So I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to not keep certain foods in the house.......or have him keep only the stuff that you would never eat....

You support him in his addiction, you deserve to have the same consideration. 

Michele

They say that addictions are the most selfish act us humans have.  Just tell him to look deep into his heart & mind and realize you are a food addict. I'm sure you have accepted his addiction recovery. Hey marriage goes both ways. You have to work together, he needs to know this. I've been married twice and we're still struggling with the give & take=compromise. My husband has struggled with weight and narcotic issues. He hasn't shown any empathy for my struggles but God forbid I bring chocolate or Vicodin in the house I'm the devil!
Hope this makes sense & good luck.

Congratulations, Debbie!!!  I didn't know you were engaged!!  I have never hear from you anymore!! 

I think that the addictions are the same, and I certainly hope that your sweetheart will be able to recognize that and either hide or no longer bring those "goodies" in to the house.  Next time you guys travel up this way, let me know!

Have you had that conversation with him comparing your addiction to his?  He may not consider a food addiction to be as life threatening as his addictions, but they are the same.  My DH is also a recovering alcoholic and we talk about the similarities often.  The main diff is that he can stop drinking and live.  I can't stop eating and live.  I have to manage what type of food I eat and how much, but it's around me all the time.  I think it's very resonable to ask him to keep his stash hidden from view.  How would he feel if you drank in front of him every night?  I know people that keep a shelf, or plastic container in a cupboard or even in the garage so they aren't tempted by foods they have in the house for children and their spouse.

Have the conversation with him and tell him that you don't want to deprive him of his treats but like an alcoholic, you can't just have a little bite without falling off the wagon at this point in your recovery and even seeing certain foods triggers cravings that you are not well equiped to handle right now.  If he's as great as you say he is, he should understand and be willing to make concessions for your health and recovery.

Best~
Lisa O.

I deal with this a bit.

I love tortilla chips.  My kids & dh love tortilla chips.  I won't buy them anymore, because I have great difficulty controlling myself.  now, it is a bit different here becuz my kids are old enough to drive, have cars and earn some $$ (they're in college, that's why they're still home...we tried the living away for a while.. grades suffered), so if they really really want some, they can buy their own and hide them from me.

Husband has a cabinet to keep his personal snacks.  So do the kids.  I try not to look in their cabinets most of the time.  The cabinets aren't locked though, so it's mainly an "out of sight, out of mind" type thing.  I still have to exercise some self control.

Get some things that are healthy and fit in your eating plan that you like and put b/f's things out of sight.  It's not at all unreasonable to ask for his support in this way.

Good luck.

As others have mentioned, there really isn't that much difference in my mind between addition to drugs, alcohol, or food.  They are each a crutch and having them in front of us can make it difficult.  If having snacks in the house where you can see them and easily get to them then you sould deifnately discuss this issue with your boyfriend and figure out a way to resolvel the problem.  Being with someone overweight and have their own additions adds to the potential problem and it is good you are aware of it so you two can be up front about it.

Best wishes.

Jim