Behaviour change. How has yours changed?

A post on the main board made me think of me then and me now! Everyone says they get more confident as they lose weight but answering this post made me realise that my change has been really surprising!

Here's what I posted...

 When I felt like a big fat blob, my big thing was that I always felt I had to outdo people as I thought that they would think I was stupid because I was obese. So I pushed my ideas forward to show I was not stupid and took the leadership role whenever I could - and so probably made myself look pushy and arrogant. I was good at my job and my best role always was in a leadership role (my career path shows this) but I always felt the need to prove myself.

Now I am actually able to sit back and play a secondary role if that is appropriate. I am confident enough not to feel the need to force people to listen to me!

So I am actually much more confident now but may even appear less!!! I suppose I am now, finally, at ease with myself.

Does that sound odd? Probably is but that was how it used to be!

Anyone else got a bizzare change to report?

Kate

No. I always wanted to stay in the background. I did not to anyone to see me. the only thing I felt that I was good at was cooking. Now, live is so much more than that. My husband and I sang at church, yesterday and it was the  first time in my life that i did not want to hide behind him. Only thing, I could never hide behind him. I was always so much bigger than im. I WEIGHED THIS MORNING ANDFOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR MARRIED LIFE27 YRS. IAM SMALLER THANHE IS. I reached goal this morning. So Happy. 94 pds. since June 8 2010.Look out world. here I come

Congratulations!!  Enjoy your wonderful new life!

I hid my body - in dark, dull old lady clothes! But professionally i was aggressive! I felt I had to prove that fat does not equal dull and stupid! By the way, I am not saying fat does equal dull and stupid! Just that that is how I thought other people might think about me when I was fat!!

Kate

I realized that someone I considered one of my best friends probably is more of a frenemy than my best friend. 

As I got more confident as the weight began to come off, I realized that we only did things that she wanted to do, we only went to restaurants that she suggested and liked and any restaurant (or store, or anything for that matter) that I liked and if it was my idea, she didn't like it or only tolerated it. 

I used to do things with her every single weekend and now, I probably haven't seen her in a month.  And I'm ok with that.  I mourn the change in the friendship, but I knew that losing the weight would change me and this is one of the ways that I have noticed it. 

I don't know if this is a bizzare change, but it is one that I have really noticed in the past couple of weeks.

Hi Kate.  I think that's great how much weight loss increased your self confidence.  I can only pray that when I lose the weight that I will be opposite and be brave enough to speak up louder then a squeek during meetings.  I know I am smart and have good ideas.  But in the past when people stop and stare when I suggest ideas, I want to hide under the conference table.  What are they thinking, why are they looking at me. etc...all of those feelings come up.

Anyhow - This is a positive post, and I must put in this message something positive about behaviours.  I have noticed that since having my surgery, I am not motivated by food.  I feel like this band is more a band on my brain and not my stomach at this point.  I've not been filled yet, so I know I have the capacity to eat more than I do.  Instead, I use my scale and measuring cups, eat only my servings and don't graze for more.  Also I am consistently logging all foods on my fitness pal religiously. It's not taking will power I am not fighting it in my brain.  I have been doing this since January 6 - They say do anything for 6 weeks and it becomes a habit.  Right now, I am not as concerned about how much weight I am losing so much as I am concerned about creating healthy habits.

Now, I just need to get myself to the GYM!! LOL

I haven't changed much yet.  I am just now getting to the point that my weight loss is becoming very noticeable.  I have lost 130+ lbs and people are starting to make comments and complimenting me.  I find it unsettling being the center of attention.  I am also starting to get attention from the opposite sex.  Which is even more unsettling.  I'm used to being invisible...I was comfortable with that.  Now men are acting different towards me and I almost feel like saying "where were you 130 lbs ago...you superficial jerk" but I don't.  Because I know I do look better now then I did before.  My best friend won't talk to me because she is jealous that her band journey ended badly and regained all of her weight. ......So I guess I am saying that it seems like everyone around me is changing. 

I guess my main change in attitude is I have hope.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm getting closer and closer to achieving what I thought was only a fantasy (only 60 more lbs to go).  So I guess I am more positive and more of a "can do" spirit. 

Kate,

Your comment made me wonder about something.  I am 56 years old and finishing up a two year masters program.  I went back to school because I was unhappy with my current position as I felt I wasn't as successful as I should be no matter how hard I worked.  I just felt that people pigeonholed me at the fat lady.  But now that I'm almost done with the program - writing my thesis now - I find that I'm not really excited about starting over somewhere else or taking on more at my current job.  I just really want to enjoy all my vacation and my new goals of using my education to help others through voluntary work.  I credited this new feeling to being either scared of making a change or just wanted to slow down some at my age and enjoy what I have, but your comment made me wonder if some of this is connected to my weight loss.  Because of my weight I never put myself out there except at work.  I felt nervous about joining any kind of organization or volunteering, etc.  I hid from people.  Had no friends, just my family.  Now that I'm feeling better about myself, I find I want to get out there and do the things that interest me and meet new people, make friends, etc. outside of work.  I went back to school for me, to learn something new because I felt stagnant at work, but maybe the weight loss does play a part in not really caring about proving myself at work anymore, feeling comfortable with myself, and wanting to do other things rather than worrying about work.  It's something I need to think about.  Thanks for posting this.  Have a great day!

cat

Cat, I think we may be feeling the same! I am now 60 (was 56 when banded). I recently became the Chair (a voluntary role) of a branch of a national charity and find myself with more legal and financial responsibility than I had at most times in my working career. Now before my wls, I had a mangement role but that was one into which I was promoted. I would never have put myself forward to run a charity!

The idea of saying  "look at me!  I'm the person you need" would have been too daunting.

It is a truism to say that if you have life problems. losing weight is not going to solve them. But for the lucky ones like me, whose life problems are not intractable, wls can turn a life upside down! In the best possible way!

Who was it (an American ) who said "I've been poor and I've been rich.  And rich is better". (Just googled and it is attributed to Mae West, Sophie Tucker and Bessie Smith - so take your choice!)

 Well, I've been obese and now I'm slim. And slim is better!   Kate