Support Group/ Nutritionist Told Not To Say ...............Long

Last week I attended my monthly support group.  I have been going for 6 years.  It is a large group of pre and post ops.  I mentioned that I had gone out to lunch and had fish and chips.  The menu was quite limited and I figured fish would be a good choice, it was.   Well, after the meeting the nut took me aside a proceeded to let me know that (I am thinner than her, HA,HA) I must not ever mention that I ate that kind of food in front of the pre-ops, they will think they can eat like that after the surgery.  She then proceeded to go on about how me, being as small as I am, is the exception.  I really didn't say anything as I was a little  in shock.  I thought that the support group was sort of a "soft place" to go to every month and talk about ourselves.  My intention was to just interject that fish was a good choice for me.  Oh well, I guess I didn't say it right.  I remember one man a few years ago talking about buying 6 cakes and eating them in 3 days.  He doesn't come anymore, I guess he got banished by the  nut.  I am seriously considering not going anymore. but I know better than to  let this person have that kind of control over me.  Sooo I am thinking every time she shows up to make it a point to get up and leave the meeting and make sure she sees me do it.  I know not nice, I can't help how  I feel.  What do you think?

Keep going and let her know that you don't think she's doing an especially good job. Feel free to remind her that if she hasn't has WLS, she doesn't know what post op life is like. Perhaps she needs to close her mouth and open her ears more.  

The support group is not for HER, it's for you. Your comment in group DID show people that they can eat like that after surgery. MOST of us can and do. It also opens the door to a discussion on eating out and HOW to make good choices when presented with limited options. If she was GOOD AT HER JOB, she would have used your comment as a starting point for discussion, not as one to shut you down.

Thanks Bette, you have such good judgement and insight (and class).  I thought I was being petty about how I felt.

She is wrong. The support group is for you to talk about an issue in common amongst your peers. You are not supposed to be censored. I can see if you were saying innapropriate things that she would want to reel you in and redirect, but discussing food should not be off limits.

Her idea that the pre-ops will think they can "eat like that" after surgery is naive, we ALL learn whet we can and can not eat, good or bad.

Hey evil twin... I would be so glad to sit in a group with someone who is a size six and who has gone through what I have gone through and share what you are eating. I would see it as a beacon of hope. What got me to the point of obesity is an insatiable appetitte, the fact that I stopped moving for most (of my )30s, and that I ate/eat unconsiously. I need to hear that someone at size six is still concious of what they eat... the "nut"... is a nut and if it is a support group... its a group of people sharing. Don't stop. It should be a soft place to fall. Did this nut have WLS? just curious. Just remember we pre-ops need to hear your perspective. AND we are not stupid... and don't need to be sheltered from life's realities like dining out at a fish and chip place... we are all going to face those situations.

All the best... and can we see some pics of you???

COngrats at maintaning!

Your comments are appreciated.  I have picts, but am computer challenged.  I don't know how to upload/ download?  I also had an insatiable appetite, but the band has kept that in control.  I have learned that a few times a month I can eat something I am "not supposed to."  Kind of like a "normal" person.  Anyway the rest of the time I follow the rules.  This has worked beautifully for me.

I know that, most likely, you really don't want to make a big deal about it....HOWEVER, I would absolutely bring up your concerns of censorship with her. If she is not willing to behave in a manner befitting someone in her position, I would take it to her superior. Although she may feel a certain way, she does not have the right to censor anyone at a support group. Support groups are supposed to be there for the good AND bad times. Imagine if AA groups kicked out anyone that fell off the wagon...that would be some BS. Making you feel uncomfortable in a place where you go for support is no okay. I don't even want to think about the people that she has already ran off, that don't use OH for support, and only had that group for support. It's sad.

One of my favorite things about having the lap band is that I can try to eat anything I want.  I have had fish and chips a couple of times since surgery.  It was just a very small amount, but what I wanted at the time.  I don't have to be on a "diet" which is great because I have tried them all and they never worked for me.  I am 8 months out now and 80 lbs. down so I must be doing something right.  I would just ignore the nut.  Maybe she thought you had gastric bypass and they have to be more strict with their diet. Don't let her make you miss out on going to your support group which you seem to enjoy.

Maybe you should bring up being censored about what is "apprpriate" to discuss in your support group and give others a chance to discuss what is appropriate to discuss.  If you aren't free to discuss, I don't see the point in attending.  JMO.

I think she is wrong! But at least she didn't tell you she thought that you were wrong in front of the others.

My view is, and I would in your place want to make this clear to the others in the group (however new they might be)...

make it clear that eating foods like that will slow loss BUT
make it equally clear that the joy of the band is we can live a normal life and not deprive ourselves
tell people that it is (medical issues permitting) their own choice as to what they eat - as long as they fully understand that the more they break healthy eating rules the slower loss will be.

Leaving the meeting might make a point to you but wouldn't get your message across to others.

Kate