Did your friendships change?

Hi Everyone -
  I'm scheduled for the LapBand on Feb 23rd.  Most of my family and friends were supportive from the beginning.  My sister finally came around last week, after speaking to someone who has gone through the surgery.  My very best friend is non-supportive, and it's breaking my heart!  I asked her to attend a support group meeting, and she ignored me.  Anytime I mention the surgery, she changes the subject.  I've mentioned my pre-op diet that I doing, and she ignores that part of my emails.  Did anyone else go through this?  She's never really had a weight problem, so I know she doesn't understand.  She seems to only be concerned with wether or not I will be healed enough for one of our outings.  How do I handle this?  I don't like confrontation!
Thanks!

I told no one I was having the surgery.  My family that lives with me haven't a clue.  It has made everything so much easier for me.  The only friend I lost was a person who had the band the same day I did and was unsuccessful.  We had a very nice friendship for awhile.  She  just couldn't handle me being thinner than her.

 My sister was a little weird for awhile, but is now very supportive.  I have another friend who has issues PERIOD.  Anymore I just can't put up with that.  So I think maybe I have changed.

I would give your friend some time and space.  Once you have surgery and get thru the initial phases and she realizes you're still you...hopefully she'll come around.  If not...what's the saying?

Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

Hey there

It's funny you mentioned this because I am going through the break up of a 33 year friendship!!! 

My best friend got the Lapband and was really successful with it...she lost 200 lbs!!!  She inspired me to get it done too.  She was there for me every step of the way.  I did struggle at first and wasn't losing weight.  Then the unthinkable happened and she lost her band due to complications and she has since regained 150 lbs!!!  I have since found success and have been losing really well.  All of the sudden she just stopped talking to me.  she doesn't answer the phone or anything.  I kept thinking I was imagining her snubbing me.  Well last week my dad died and she wasn't there for me.  She never even acknowledged my voice mails or emails.  I called her 12 times.  So it's obvious now she has cut me off....for no reason!!!!  I can't believe she did this to me!!!  I was there for her when her mom died!!!  

I am so hurt by her actions that even if she does come around and apologizes I am not sure I want to be her friend anymore...

I am sorry your friend isn't there for you.  I think it's very selfish of her.  I hope you find a friend that can be there for you.   

I think that sometimes our friends/family get used to us being a certain way, i.e. fat, and when that changes, the way they relate to us or deal with us changes.  For example, if the friend is skinnier, she identifies as the skinny friend.  When that identity is threatened by the other one losing weight, some people don't react very well.  This is a time that where you will find out who your true friends are.  Hint:  they are happy for you regardless of size.

I havent had the surgery yet, but have went to the seminar.  The DR did tell us that there would be people, either family and friends and co-workers who would change toward us once we started changing.

Sad as it is to say, there are people out there that will throw true friendship away. It will be her loss I am sure.  But hopefully maybe something is just stressing her out and she doesnt want to bother you with it right now with all you have on your mind.

My sister was my best friend & was all supportive like you wouldn't believe. But she'd say stuff like "You'll never be smaller then me" & when that happened it but a strain on our relationship. Currently... I haven't talked to her in person in a little over a year. I send her messages on her phone (text & voice) and stay in touch w/her on Facebook, but she doesn't want anything personal because me being smaller then her has hurt her feelings.

I hear you! I told a good friend of mine that I was going to do it, and she has basically shut me out of her life. In a way it is probably a good thing, because our friendship seemed to revolve around eating out and cooking. I think I would rather have her not associating with me than trying to sabotage my efforts.

Wow.  This is all heartbreaking to read.

I have been very careful about who I've told because I didn't want to deal with, not only people who might think I was "taking the easy way out" (insert air quotes and eye rolling here), but also people who I would feel like would be watching me all time to see how I was doing.  For those reasons there were also a lot of members of my family I decided not to tell.

I would definitely say my social life has changed since having my surgery but I think that's mostly because I've been hesitant to go out go out with friends since in the past it's almost always revolved around going out to eat.  But that's my issue, not theirs and I've eve been brave enough to make plans to go out with the girls this weekend for mani-pedis and a movie.  I can't wait.

Man, I would hope that a true friend would be nothing but encouraging and celebrate my success with me.  But I guess that's kind of a rose-colored glasses scenario, huh?  People can be so petty sometimes and I'm so sorry that so many of you have had relationships suffer when all you really deserved was support and praise.

Thank you all so much for your honesty and suggestions.  I do have other friends and family that are very supportive and encouraging.  I think I will just see how things progress after the surgery and see how she reacts.  She truly is my very best friend, and I hate to think that me losing weight would come between that!  Seems silly, and rather selfish.  It's really sad that so many experience this loss of friendship & family, because they chose to improve their own health!  

Again, thanks guys!  It touches my heart that I have all of you to go to for help! 

Diana