Long time no see...{So very long}

Just me again.  Just got back from my walk.  I did it but I still HATE it!  If I can do it, you can too!!

You guys are amazing. I signed up for Jean's newsletter last night and want to sit down for a read later. I don't know what to say. I think it is time for me to come back to the boards, find a buddy to rely on for daily check-in's for both of us, journaling, and staying up with my exercise. I will try to keep to one small goal per week. I want to read through all these posts again before I respond more. You may all be smaller but are certainly not short on hope, lol. Thank you so much and I'll be back tonight to fully process what I already know and what I need to do. And now...even with a headache (excuse) and some TMJ issues (another excuse) and just having worked 9 hours (last excuse I swear) I will go lift weight and do pilates for 15 minutes. It's a start!

welcome back!  I just recently came back to the boards myself.  I've been at the same weight for the last 6 months after losing 100+ in the first year.  I think I got very comfortable and rested on my laurels a bit.  I stopped exercising and forgot that I have this great tool to help me in my journal.  So I came back here, am getting back to basics, and have an appointment on wednesday to get a fill.

I also found this article the other day about the need to shed our mental weight.  There's a great exercise in there to write down all the helpful habits you have on one side of a piece of paper and all the destructive habits on the other.  Then you identify one or two of the destructive habits to work on.  Personally... just focusing on one thing at a time makes it a lot less overwheming for me!

http://blogs.webmd.com/pamela-peeke-md/2011/02/make-the-ment al-fat-body-fat-connection.html?ecd=wnl_nal_020311

There are some great ideas on this board... we're all here together in this journey! 

To each of you:

tetrarose - When you journal do you write down just what you eat or do you track calories and etc.? I think I will look into the walking at home, that sounds interesting and I get bored with same routine all the time. Thanks for the boost of support and some great thoughts on behavior vs weight goals, I like that. Also, what can you do abou****er retention and how do you know that that is what it is? Just the rapid weight gain?

samntom93 - i think we may have a rainbow connection - or a greybow connection of morning=motivated but by evening=why bother. I guess I was most motivated when I felt like I was winning the battle. Plus it was easy to stay motivated when the weight was coming off with little help from me. If you're online a lot maybe we can keep each other moving forward, literally and figuratively.

Ilovebeagles - I think returning to my roots and band-family can help me regain a lot of the positive thinking I've lost. I remember hearing about people who after surgery returned to their old ways. I thought "That will never be me. I have sacrificed too much and waited too long." I was out of my post-op bed and walking in no time. I exercised daily. I ate according to plan and then SMACK into a wall of 0 lbs on or off. Then came the comfort of winter and the holidays and 20 pounds here and 20 pounds there here I am. I need to find that fire again and use it.

Tiff tells all - I loved swimming for exercise, then my poor pool it...oh it's all too horrible, lol. It had a huge blow-out ond day and the liner was just too pricey. Now it's a lost cause 3 seasons later but those endless pools look mighty interesting.

Jean M - Oh I can't write enough here. You are and have always been a huge...well tiny :P, inspiration to me. You were one of the first people I met here and you are just never afraid to say what needs to be said and that is immeasurable to me. I'll definitely be picking up your book come my next paycheck. The baby plans will be put on hold, I'll funnel that energy into losing weight and getting myself in order. My restriction has always been...not great, even at my current 9 out of 10 cc I still feel barely restricted. My hunger has been down since surgery but my "head hunger" is, and may have always been my biggest enemy. Perhaps I would do well with some out even as something like chicken or broccoli can get stuck but ice cream never does (stupid stupid ice cream). I think I'll go see my surgeon and see what he thinks; it's been well over a year and a half since I've seen him. Thank you again for an always fresh perspective.

melly37 - I think it is just the idea of addiction that makes it all seem so out of our control. I work in the addictions field and understand the theory but just don't put the coping skills into use - journaling, positive thinking, etc. I get so used to my patterns of eating and exercising (or not exercising as the case may be) I think that might be a good place for me to start working on changing my behaviors.

Shaesnana - Thanks for the kind words and the realistic view. Your words really stuck with me today...as I grumbled my way through exercising. I guess sometimes I feel doomed because it seems as though the successfully thin love to exercise. I only love two exercises swimming in a pool at home and swimming in the ocean. Well my pool is beyond repair (excuse) and my house would be 15 minutes from the beach if it wasn't for NJ being in the way (jk NJ, lol). Maybe not everyone loves exercise they just make it part of their day like brushing their teeth or doing laundry...

tonnabug - I've never really given serious thought to another surgery - it kind of feels like chasing the ever elusive, for lack of a non-addiction term, high (being thin). I spent along time chosing lap-band and I feel like it was good to me, almost too good, at first which set me up to find the end of the weight loss and find my first plateau. I know well the stuck feeling and throwing up in public bathrooms. My mother would cry and I would get frustrated and she would say I should go to my doctor again, that something is wrong when I knew it was just me eating too much, too fast on top of it being the wrong foods. We known what we have to do we just don't always let ourselves do it perhaps...

Hislady - I had some issues in the past with some fanatical exercisers/undereaters in this board way back when. It is hard to not let others make you feel as if you aren't doing enough or doing it hard enough or quick enough. It is hard when you have medical issues - I often use my medical problems to get inbetween me and, well, better health. My mom has major knee issues and I feel your pain through her as well. It is frustrating and makes you feel like you're not in control but like you said, it is about moving every day even if only for a few minutes. I will keep you in mind the next time I feel under the weather.

MrsSmith50009 - I think I made a bed of my laurels and then fell asleep for a while but I am awake now. I will read that article tomorrow (at work, shhh!) but I like that idea a lot. If I could lose some mental weight I would feel a heck of a lot lighter.

Well, I feel 10,000 times better than I did yesterday. I am really blown away by the kind thoughts and positive energy being directed my way. I planned on getting a cute journal but I want to place my thoughts somewhere where I can't miss them - in my daily planner. I have a lot to think about and a lot to read. I promise to keep up on the boards and put more time into me. Thank you again.