14 Days of Love…………..Rebecca and A.J…………WLS Couple

Rebecca Clay: “is blessed beyond measure. I’ve been divorced, infertile and morbidly obese. I know the blessings I wake up with and go to sleep with everyday."

First, allow me apologize. I am not a writer but when Maria asked that I share my story with you, I simply couldn’t decline. The statement above is one of my recent Facebook status updates that sparked her request. The sentiment is not a random notion. Rather, it demonstrates how I feel every day, and for the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery (or RNY) that I had on July 13, 2007. Who knew Friday the 13th could be so lucky?

It’s nearly impossible to even remember that fat, divorced and infertile person I used to be. I was still pretty happy- well, I thought I was! But compared to the sheer joy I have since experienced, I know now that I couldn’t even fathom what happiness truly was.

I always wanted to be a mother. It was the role I always chose in pretend play and when my nieces and nephews were born, I was like a little momma to them as well. When I was married to my first husband, we tried to conceive but soon enough we were seeking a fertility specialist.

I remember peeking at my records on the drive over to the doctor’s office. I was appalled and insulted when I read “morbidly obese"!

Tests, blood work, scans and painful procedures later, I was told I had PCOS or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Essentially, I would produce eggs but due to a hormone imbalance, my brain didn’t get the signal to release the egg. This would leave cysts on my ovary and subsequently make it more difficult for a new egg to form and release on the scarred surface.

So great was my desire to have a family that it was during this time that we became foster parents. I loved having the kids in the house but I still longed for one of my own.

We endured rounds of pills, fertility injections and numerous negatives until we finally got a positive pregnancy test. According to the hCG levels, it was a multiple pregnancy but I never so much as got to hear their little heartbeats. I miscarried before my next doctor’s appointment. It was soon after this heartbreak that my already rocky marriage ended.

Now I was fat, divorced and infertile? Nevertheless, I was upbeat and cheerful. Then I began to date again. Frogs. All slimy, green frogs. Bluck. I was tired of kissing frogs in search of my prince.

So, I prayed. I didn’t really have a written list, as such, but as I was dating and learning what had gone wrong in my first marriage, I began to form an ideal mate and it was he that I had in mind when I prayed. Sure, I prayed for specific physical features and moral characteristics right down to blue eyes (because I remember being awe struck by the dark hair and light eyes of the maternal grandfather from old black and white family photos, whom I’d never met), to a great sense of humour and an intact family. I wanted someone who bore witness all his life to a good family and a strong marriage.

Before online chat rooms were popular, and even before a personal computer was in every home, I took a chance and began using phone chat rooms as a way to broaden my dating pool- or pond! Remember the frogs!

I can still remember hearing his voice for the first time and that instant “something". There was a spark. A.J. and I began talking and talking. We talked a lot! We painstakingly synched movies up together for dates and talked so long we’d fall asleep holding the phone. He lived in Arkansas and I was in Michigan. He matched every one of the things on my list. All of them (and I was cautious. The list was extensive!). There was just one little thing. His age. He was 18!!!

Excuse me?? I was a divorced 24 year old woman! Thanks a bunch, God. The one thing I didn’t list was that my dream guy should be older than me. That much was a given! There’s an old proverb that says, “Man plans and God Laughs". So, God had other plans. He obviously knew what I needed more than I did.

In time, A.J. came to visit me in Michigan for 10 days and he proposed during that trip. But shortly after he returned home, his best friend Cory passed away and A.J. was crushed. I spent hours just listening to him talk about Cory and the times they shared. A.J. is an amazing story-teller.

Then the two young boys I was fostering and planning to adopt were suddenly returned to their birth mother. Now it was A.J.’s turn to listen to and comfort me.

The time came that we hatched a plan for him to move to Michigan to be with me. Within a year, we had moved to Arizona and got married in Las Vegas, Baby! (thankyouverymuch).

A short time after we settled down in marriage, I was experiencing intense pain with my monthly cycle. This was nothing really new as this is a very common occurrence with PCOS. Although, this time it was even more severe. Sparing you the goriest of details, my doctor believed I endured a miscarriage. Another baby lost.

PCOS causes a woman’s cycles to be sporadic, to say the least. A cycle can run months long as easily as it can skip months altogether. It’s a crazy roller coaster for someone trying to conceive. I was informed that the only way to regulate my cycle would be to go on birth control. I thought “Ok, I’ll go on birth control and attempt (yet another) diet so I can be at a healthy weight when I get pregnant."

This didn’t happen. Six years went by, as well as two more failed adoption attempts (and over 70 pounds gained). Another cruel symptom of PCOS is that it makes it harder to lose weight. The diets I tried worked- until they didn’t and I regained that weight and more.

We went to see yet another fertility specialist and jumped right back into the world of tests and medications. The money we had to scrape together for a single round of injections was a complete waste as my levels barely even rose. The specialist essentially told me rather bluntly that there was just too much fat for the medicine to go through to be effective.

I thought, “What a lazy doctor! I can’t believe he doesn’t want to try any harder than this! Fat people get pregnant all the time!" In my indignation, I left his office and resigned myself to a fate without children.
Now, instead of praying for a baby, my prayer was “Lord, if it isn’t Your will that I become a mother, please take this desire from my heart". It was a hard prayer to even mutter, but since my plan wasn’t happening, I figured it just wasn’t meant to be.

We began focusing on a childFREE life, not a childLESS life. We were crazy in love and best friends so we decided we would take the time to have fun together! We also joined a gym and I began seeing a nutritionist. I was dead set on enjoying our life together, even if a baby wasn’t meant to be. We shelved the dream of having our own and consoled ourselves with the cruises and vacations we were going to take and on the indulging we could heap on our nieces, nephews and godson.

It was around this time that a customer came into A.J.’s place of business and urged him, “What if I told you I used to be heavier than you?" It was this precise moment that set us on the path to weight loss surgery.

I researched and filled out paper work, went to the community meetings, nutrition classes and met with a psychiatrist. I jumped through all the hoops. We were sitting in one of the mandatory classes and the nurse told us we had to take birth control precautions for 12-18 months because people see an increase in fertility after weight loss surgery. I nudged A.J. and circled the passage in the notebook. I half heartedly laughed it off, thinking “yeah, everyone except for me". I immediately pushed this statistic safely to the back of my mind. IF it were to happen, we would be thrilled. Otherwise, we would place our focus on enjoying our thinner and childFREE lives together. I wasn’t having this surgery to have a baby. I was having the surgery to finally get healthy. Looking back, I recognize that I was pursuing all of this with the vague notion that the surgery would never come to be. Maybe it would fall through or just fail, like every other diet I had set my hopes on. But my insurance approval came through on the first submission and all of a sudden, there I was on the afternoon of July 13th when I told A.J., “Holy crap! I just had weight loss surgery!".

My life changed! No more fast food. No more soda. No more sugary snacks. THAT is crazy, folks. I’ve had a sweet tooth all my life. But I gave it up easily. Well, easily if you don’t count those first few weeks when head hunger just about drove me crazy. Those Pizza Hut commercials! UGH!

I even used the gym membership we bought. Not only that, but I got up early to exercise before work! Yes! Hey, I told you this changed my life!

In May, 2008, A.J., too, had RNY. I reached my goal weight that same month. Thanks to the weight loss, we were, umm,….closer than ever, if you know what I mean. *blush* We had always enjoyed each other but with less between us, literally….well, you know. In July (12 months after surgery), I asked A.J., “So, should we get my birth control pills refilled?" He asked, “How much is it?" I said, “$50". He replied “Nah".

I should mention that at this time I was permanently laid-off from work when the center I worked in closed, so we were already cutting back where we could. However, I wasn’t asking as a cost savings effort; I was asking to see if he was ready to “try". Since he is a guy, he was naturally thinking about the money. Ah, yes, we saved $50, alright.

On Sunday, August 31st, we went to IHOP for breakfast and I really wasn’t feeling so well when we arrived at the store to shop afterwards. He joked, “Maybe you’re pregnant…". He had no idea that I had already suspected as much and was TRYING to plan it so that I could have Len and Bob, the sports announcers on WGN, announce it during the televised Cubs game airing that Tuesday. I had always envisioned a grand way to finally tell him I was pregnant….

Dreams. I had so many of them. Hopeful dreams, Longing dreams and unfulfilled dreams. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t keep it a secret that long. So, I say, “Well…maybe so. I am late."

I worried that maybe I was falling into the same missed and crazy cycles of PCOS but secretly, I was also cautiously hopeful. I decided to be brave and bought a pregnancy test.

Hours later at home, I “remembered" the test and shrugged as I toted it with me to the bathroom. Fully expecting yet another negative test, you can imagine my SHOCK when that precious and elusive ‘+’ sign appeared. I began to laugh and called A.J. into the bathroom. And pointing to where it lay on the counter. All I could do was just laugh and nod my head up and down. We batted “Nu huh" and “Uh huh" back and forth. It took a minute for it to register with A.J. and soon enough we were both laughing. We immediately plowed through all the phone numbers in our prospective phones and then sat back and wondered…umm, maybe we should have waited?

But our momentary hesitation was thankfully unfounded and although we worried and stressed with each test and ultrasound (we waited for the bottom to drop out, just like every time we had dared to hope) our beautiful and perfect son, Cory Jack, was born via c-section on April 22nd, 2009.
Feeling him move and grow inside me left me in awe of my God but living with him far surpasses anything I have ever imagined. I have experienced more love in the last three years than I have ever known. I am more in love with my husband today than I was yesterday and fully expect to love him more tomorrow than I do today, if that’s even possible! I cherish and appreciate my own parents more because now I understand their love for me and their devotion to me.

And oh, how I love Cory. . . so much more than I could possibly explain. I marvel at this little person that God has entrusted to us. He is smart and beautiful and has such a wonderful personality and a loving, tender heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t fully acknowledge that I am hardly worthy of such a precious gift.

Sure, some days the dishes pile up and laundry sits and waits while I change yet another stinky diaper or wipe the snotty nose of a crying, cranky toddler. We have to strategically budget our money and cut out some of the luxuries we used to enjoy but it’s such a small price to pay as we are blessed beyond measure. I can say that without a shadow of a doubt. I have seen the other side so I know how far I’ve come. I am truly blessed and I know it.

This is a really touching story - I am thrilled they have had their dreams realized and appreciate it so very much !

(Ironically I have to tell you that my name is Rebecca and my hubby is AJ by middle name, we too are Childless Not by Choice, due to PCOS etc ...and I am in hopes of WLS being a new chapter in our lives without our own children.. Imagine my surprise when I saw this story!)

I am in a slightly different predicament which I haven't really talked about - agreeing to this surgery requires me to commit to trying NOT to get pregnant for 2 years (feels backwards after 13 years longing for it) - which puts me outside the comfortable age zone we had set as a couple ... I am hurting over this alot, grieving it essentially - but having this opportunity to renew overall health, and choosing my own health must be the priority I think... the time to let go, move on has arrived !

All things come to good in the end - through faith, this I know for sure -
Thank you for sharing this story about life's surprises and blessings.  It is lovely to read her deep appreciation and love for her family.

WHat a coincidence! How cool!

As far as the 2 yr. wait after WLS, please know that is for the safetly of the baby! If u are malabsorbing.........so will the baby! U wouldn't want to have a child born with health issues if there is any way u could have prevented it!

I wish u the bery best with your WLS and hope that there will be a baby after your 2 yrs. along with all the health benefits!!!