RELATIONSHIPS

I've read about great relationships that have gotten GREATER after WLS but  I am wondering if anyone feels like WLS has broken up relationships?  I feel like mines is about to break...Still dont regret what i did for myself but im soooo heartbroken....

Chena,

My best friends marriage just about ended because of WLS .thankfully they worked things out but it got very ugly.

Have you and your mate tried talking to councilor ?  That was brought up in my classes that sometimes things will happen and some couples need a marriage councilor .

If you haven't tried that maybe its worth a shot ? Dont throw in the towel yet

Im not throwing away the towel just yet :) thank you...for now ive decided to move to a different part of the house, dnt know if thats the best choice but i dont want to kick him out the house, we have 4 kids together that we both want to raise so i'll see how this new arraigment works...

Hi Chena...so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through...I don't think WLS is the culprit. Big changes in life, changes in status, loss of wealth, gain of wealth all contribute to lost relationships. Losing a tremendous amount of weight changes how people percieve us and we aren't the same person to them any more. Some men (and women) like to keep their mates chubby to keep others away..that is pretty common. Some use it as a control factor...if the spouse's self esteem is low, they put up with situations they would not put up with if they felt better about theimselves. It is very complex and not a "one size fits all" sort of deal.
Losing a lot of weight and improving your self image can uncover underlying issues that were not dealt with in the relationship...sort of the "elephant in the room" syndrome.
This is an opportunity to go to counselling and resolve the issues that are breaking down your relationship...my husband and I did that in 1997. Our marriage of 29 years at the time was over for all intents and purposes. I was ready to leave and when I told him that, he finally agreed to counselling and it saved our marriage. In a few weeks we will celebrate our 44th anniversary. It isn't hopeless, don't give up just yet.
Good luck to you!
Stephanie

Your post hit so dead on its creepy, i not only lost weight but around the same time frame started driving (can you picture that?) we just came across a "chubby" old picture of mines and he yells out  "awwwww, look at my baby, that was my wife" i was like "whaaaaaaa**** are you trying to say?" lol....we have been together for 12 yrs, i'll update soon...thanks allot

My husband and I had huge issues after I had WLS, but we have hung in there and things have gotten better. We (those who had WLS) have to also understand where they are coming from. My husband married a 298lbs woman not a 198lbs woman so he has had to adjust too. Not that he is disappointed with how well I have done, he just became very insecure. If I could give you any advice it would be to keep assuring him that you are in the relationship no matter what.

Jen

 About a year ago, I read some statistic that 60% of relationships fail when one partner has WLS. Now, I have no proof that that number is real, or where they would measure it, but I am sure there is a percentage of relationships that fail due to WLS.  As your body changes and your confidence grows that affects your relationships. Also if your partner didn't know you small and only knows your heavier side, it may be hard for him/her to understand you dropping to a smaller size especially if he/she is still overweight. So many issues and reasons we are drawn to each other in the first place.

I know that I am a better person, happier and in a great place. My bf had a very difficult time with me having weight loss surgery and losing weight. He hated the idea....but it was good for me and good for my self esteem. I am a better woman today and if he can't appreciate the new healthier me, then he isn't the right man for me.

Sorry to hear about your relationship and I wish you peace and comfort in this tough time.

LJ

Thanks LADIES! this was very helpful to me, all responses! Our relationship definetly wasnt  peachy before WLS but due to weight and low self esteem i overlooked allot of things he did wrong in the past.  Now i feel guilty for standing up for myself now, i feel i should have done it no matter how over weight i was...Now to friends and family it just looks like i lost weight and now i think im the **** so i want to be alone...that is so not the case...