I can't believe I ate the whole thing...

Well, it's confession time.  I hope it's good not only for the soul but for the scale.

Yesterday was my husband's birthday.  We had celebrated the night before, so I didn't really have much planned yesterday.  Both our daughters insisted he have a cake.  And ice cream.  So I went to the store and bought a cake and two kinds of ice cream.  I had decided I was going to allow myself an indulgence and have some cake and ice cream.  Here's what happened.

First, I had a bowl of ice cream, maybe a cup.  Next, a slice of cake (relatively small).  Then my younger daughter decided she didn't like the cake.  So I ate hers.  Then it was on to another bowl of ice cream.  My older daughter, who was in the room with me, fell asleep.  That made it much easier for me to finish what I apparently thought I needed to do.  I ended up eating most of the rest of the older daughter's cake.  And then the unthinkable happened.  With both the kids asleep and my husband watching TV in the other room, I ate about two more bowls of ice cream, By now the container was about 3/4 of the way empty.  The next thing I knew, I had ditched the bowl, and with spoon and carton in hand, polished off the last of the ice cream.

Today, my older daughter is going to want some, she's going to ask what happened to it, and I'm going to have to tell her I ate it all.  I could go to the store on my way home, pick up another container and replace it I guess.  But I won't.  I really have to be honest and own up to this.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I don't feel good about it, certainly.  I think I'm more disappointed in myself than anything else.  I don't hate myself or anything like that.  I don't allow myself to feel like that about food anymore.  I'm not beating myself up, either.  I guess I feel like, it happened, I don't like that it happened, and I want to do my best to do better today and tomorrow.

I also think putting it out here to all of you helps me own it.  I'm not proud of it, but I've spent so much of my life living in shame when it comes to food.  And I've never really had anyone in my life who truly understands the addiction like all of you.

If you've made it this far (!) thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.  So far today, so good.  I had a banana for a late breakfast (because as you might imagine, I wasn't too hungry this morning), I've had a good amount of water, and am ready to move on from what happened last night.

Thanks again everyone.  I don't know what I'd do without your support and understanding.

 I think we've all done it.

owning up to it, is part of the journey.

I can't have ice cream, cake or chips in my house.  They are total slider foods.  If I do buy it for an occasion, I try to either go out for 1 serving or buy a very small cake/carton or bag.

((hugs))

I was home by myself last Saturday and I polished off an entire half gallon of Breyers French Vanilla.  Whew, it felt good to confess!

I did this about a month ago and never thought I'd have the capacity to do.  I couldn't believe it when I got to the bottom of the whole half gallon!  And the ice cream wasn't even THAT good!

My tummy hurts just thinking about it!  This is my first confession of that too.  A pint is one story....a half gallong is a whole other....

I think just about everyone on here has done something similar and understands how you feel. 

As upset as you are that this happened, just think -- you are probably not doing this anywhere near as often as before surgery.  Isn't that terrific!  Even normal people do this sometimes and then just move on like you are going to.

Kuddos to you for owning up to it and sharing your feelings, it's an encouragement to the rest of us and will help you move on to a healthy next meal.

Take Care,

Trixie

Bless your heart, it is going to happen to us all sooner or later and at least you have an insight into the issue and are getting it out into the open, sharing those feelings is so important.

Dust yourself off, hold your head up high and move on, mistakes are inevitable.

Best wishes to you...

Thanks everyone.  I knew my peeps would understand where I was coming from.

The thing too, is that I think this has been coming for a while.  The last week or so I've been doing a lot of snacking and grazing, which I never do.  It's almost like I was tired of following the rules, so when I decided to break them, I REALLY decided to break them.

I'm having some high protein chili for lunch and a cheese stick.  YUMMY!

That would so easy for me.  DH brought in some chocolate truffles that were so good.  We have plain dark chocolate in the cabinet and each piece is 1/3 ounce, and I can have one and be fine all day.  I had one truffle, then a second... Then I told him they better not be here in the morning - either eat them or take them with him.  And I got a sad look, so I said ok, at least hide them in the garage fridge so they won't be jumping out at me every time I open the cupboard door.  The next day I hunted for those damn truffles until I found them and had 2 more.  That evening we ate a couple more each and finally they were gone.  No more unsafe chocolate in the house period! End of discussion!  We had already agreed that if we wanted desert or ice cream we would drive to a destination and buy and consume it there.  There can be no deserts in the house - not even the freezer.  Tried to hide a cheesecake from myself in the freezer once - way pre band.  I found out I LOVE frozen cheesecake!  I just love, love, love cheesecake.  My most recent fav ice cream was strawberry cheesecake!  I think I have had maybe 2 MD's cones in 2 months.  I can resist in the store, but once it's in the house - all bets are off.  It's mine!

Oh hugs...I've been there and done that.  Try not to hate yourself and know that you can't bring that stuff in the house.  if you do, make sure it's smaller portions that will be eaten right then and there....if it's in the fridge I think about it, obsess actually, all the time. 

Ice cream is my downfall in life.  To help, I get muscle milk light powder (or any protein powder), a few ice cubes, maybe 2 tbs of a sf/ff pudding powder (any flavor you like), and skim milk.  I blend it and have it as an awesome shake OR I put it in the ice cream maker after blending it and it's delicious.  Maybe that will help with the cravings of real ice cream?  I know I can't be NEAR the real stuff or I go nuts like you did.  Sometimes I can handle...like this week, while other times there is no way that's sitting in the house along with me.