I chickened out of my surgery.. but..

So there I was... in the holding bay all ready for the surgery. I had my IV started, the little hat on, everything. All of a sudden, I had this overwhelming, gut-wrenching feeling that it was all wrong. I told the nurse, who was so very sweet. Belinda from Dr. Barnes' office came and talked to me. I told her I was over my crisis and was ready for the surgery. Then Dr. Barnes came down. He said that if I had doubts he would rather wait a few weeks. So I am waiting a few weeks. I was shocked that I chickened out. That was not like me at all!! Then this morning I woke up sick. Sinus infection, cough and ear infection. That explains why I had the feeling it was wrong. VERY wrong. God stepped in. He is an awesome God!! My MIL had come to help me, but leaves tomorrow. She cut her trip short. I hate to sound ungrateful, because I'm not, but she was so negative the whole time that I was a bundle of nerves. She was forever comparing the hospital to Montana's hospitals, etc. When the anesthesiologist (yeah I messed THAT up..lol) came in and did the prep for my surgery. After he left, my MIL said she was nervous becuse he did not speak English well. WHAT? HE spoke it well enough for me. Just because he's not American born doesn't mean he can't do his job! Anyway, I'm going to Dr. Barnes' support group next Thursday. I'm going to have the surgery. I think yesteday just wasn't meant to be due to the negativity and the illness I had coming on. Has anyone else chickened out?

Lin, Well no I didn't chicken out, in fact they canceled my surgery 2 days before b/c they said the psych evualtion wasn't good enough and I needed a note from my everyday psych doctor, and they said I would never get it in time < BOY DID THEY NOT KNOW ME!!!> I ended up getting it and was sooooooo ready for my surgery I was willing to go early and wheel myslef in!!!! But don't worry sweetie, I am sure tons of people are nervous as crap and want to chicken out but aren't confident enough,, I think thats amazing your doctor told you to wait a few wks if you weren't positive , that shows how good she is < Its a she right?> ,,, Thats was really sweet of her,,, Also it gives you more time to prepare emotionally and mentally ,, I wish I would have prepared more before in those 2 area's ,,I was sooo ready physcially I didn't prepare myself enough mentally,, Don't worry about your MIL if you need someone with you at the hospital , I am not sure where your having it but let me know and everyone on here I am sure someone can stop by,, Good Luck girl and your day will come!!! God is amazing !!

Lin, I have always been a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that with you. Sometimes the Lord gives us the power to make decisions on our own to help us in the long run. He gave you the feeling something was not right and you acted on it the way you needed to. Maybe it was the fact that he knew your MIL was not the right person to be with you in your recovery process. Also the fact that you ended up with a sinus infection. Continue with the support group meeting, and see if when you are ready you can find someone close by you to help you out. I am sure your MIL meant well, but sometimes they may think they are helping when in reality it harms us by what they think is there good will. (My sister is that way, that is why I chose not to say a thing to her) Maybe you can make another appt with Dr. Barnes and go and talk with him/her and they can help you with some of your fears. I am sure there have been others that have backed out at the last minute. Just pray for the strength you need. When will your husband be back? I know you have said in other posts I just don't remember. If you need anything or encouragement Lin, feel free to email me. I pray that things work out the way they are meant to be. Hugs, Jodi