I needed a Hug from God
And He used my WLS Angel, Faye Smith to deliver it! This is how it happened.
Saturday I went to a Christmas luncheon with 2 dozen ladies from my church. We were instructed to bring an ornament for exchange. And I went very excitedly to meet with my girlfriends to celebrate. I even brought four extra ornaments so if anyone forgot to bring one, there would be no need for anyone to leave empty-handed. I was given a ticket along with the rest of us and the first ticket called belonged to the lady sitting accross from me. She had to open it and everyone admired it and oohed and ahhed and then my number was pulled. I was told I could take hers or one from the table. I have never participated in this kind of "game" before so I was floored that I could take hers. After all, I sat across from her and saw how much she loved it, and how much I love her. (Call me niave but I have never participated in this sort of thing before) So I went to the table and selected a bag from among the packages on the table. All eyes were on me as I unwrapped 'My" ornament. I had not had time to process this entire thing as of yet so when I opened "my" ornament and fell in love with it, I announced how much I loved it and immediately made it clear I was not playing their game. I would not give it up and immediately put it away. The hostess came to me and told me she was ashamed of me. And here is where I have to interject what was going on inside of me. I still don't have all of the insight of why I responded the way I did but I was at that point dealing with emotions from Christmas's back in my childhood when in my very dysfunctional family our day would start out wonderful and then dwindle to survival mode as my dad's alcoholism progressed.(Not just Christmas but all holidays and weekends in general.) The fact that my friend told me she was ashamed of me, no matter how privately she said it felt like a cloak of SHAME weighing me down. I was paralysed momentarily and at a loss for how to respond. My prayer was God, please open up the earth and swallow me up. Exiting was not a choice because I rode there with a friend and I am not one to run away from a challenge. So, Anyway, as a small child I learned the "art" of disassociation and on Saturday, I stepped outside of myself just long enough to "protect" myself from drama and being violated. I cannot remember what anyone else got because the rest of the "exchange" is a blur but I am relieved I was with people who love me right where I am. As we said our goodbyes and I hugged each lady I asked there forgiveness for not being a good sport and was reassured by almost all of them that it was no big deal. Most of them thought it was hilarious. One day, maybe I will too. I have spent most of the weekend asking God to heal those areas of my life that are being uncovered as the weight is coming off. I never want to be an offense to anyone or bring shame to myself or others. I cherished each of my hugs from my friends but still left there a little bruised and emtionally "drunk". So here's the God-hug part--
When I arrived home, my girlfriend said, Look Marie and as we gazed thru her windshield onto my front porch we could see "tons" of NEW pants, shirts, sweaters, coats--you name it hanging on my front porch. The clothing ranges in four of the next sizes I will be in shortly. And was arranged there by my ANGEL Faye. She had gone through her closet and wanted me to benefit from her "loss/gain"! I sat in my girlfriends car and wept at how Good God is to me!
(So, here I am--an open book--a work in progress--who doesn't know a lot--but knows that LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF WRONGS! I wipe away tears even now in amazement of the work that is being done in my life. ThankYou God for this miracle in my life, for my Angel, and for this forum where we can be transparent in the hopes of PAYING IT FORWARD!
Saturday I went to a Christmas luncheon with 2 dozen ladies from my church. We were instructed to bring an ornament for exchange. And I went very excitedly to meet with my girlfriends to celebrate. I even brought four extra ornaments so if anyone forgot to bring one, there would be no need for anyone to leave empty-handed. I was given a ticket along with the rest of us and the first ticket called belonged to the lady sitting accross from me. She had to open it and everyone admired it and oohed and ahhed and then my number was pulled. I was told I could take hers or one from the table. I have never participated in this kind of "game" before so I was floored that I could take hers. After all, I sat across from her and saw how much she loved it, and how much I love her. (Call me niave but I have never participated in this sort of thing before) So I went to the table and selected a bag from among the packages on the table. All eyes were on me as I unwrapped 'My" ornament. I had not had time to process this entire thing as of yet so when I opened "my" ornament and fell in love with it, I announced how much I loved it and immediately made it clear I was not playing their game. I would not give it up and immediately put it away. The hostess came to me and told me she was ashamed of me. And here is where I have to interject what was going on inside of me. I still don't have all of the insight of why I responded the way I did but I was at that point dealing with emotions from Christmas's back in my childhood when in my very dysfunctional family our day would start out wonderful and then dwindle to survival mode as my dad's alcoholism progressed.(Not just Christmas but all holidays and weekends in general.) The fact that my friend told me she was ashamed of me, no matter how privately she said it felt like a cloak of SHAME weighing me down. I was paralysed momentarily and at a loss for how to respond. My prayer was God, please open up the earth and swallow me up. Exiting was not a choice because I rode there with a friend and I am not one to run away from a challenge. So, Anyway, as a small child I learned the "art" of disassociation and on Saturday, I stepped outside of myself just long enough to "protect" myself from drama and being violated. I cannot remember what anyone else got because the rest of the "exchange" is a blur but I am relieved I was with people who love me right where I am. As we said our goodbyes and I hugged each lady I asked there forgiveness for not being a good sport and was reassured by almost all of them that it was no big deal. Most of them thought it was hilarious. One day, maybe I will too. I have spent most of the weekend asking God to heal those areas of my life that are being uncovered as the weight is coming off. I never want to be an offense to anyone or bring shame to myself or others. I cherished each of my hugs from my friends but still left there a little bruised and emtionally "drunk". So here's the God-hug part--
When I arrived home, my girlfriend said, Look Marie and as we gazed thru her windshield onto my front porch we could see "tons" of NEW pants, shirts, sweaters, coats--you name it hanging on my front porch. The clothing ranges in four of the next sizes I will be in shortly. And was arranged there by my ANGEL Faye. She had gone through her closet and wanted me to benefit from her "loss/gain"! I sat in my girlfriends car and wept at how Good God is to me!
(So, here I am--an open book--a work in progress--who doesn't know a lot--but knows that LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF WRONGS! I wipe away tears even now in amazement of the work that is being done in my life. ThankYou God for this miracle in my life, for my Angel, and for this forum where we can be transparent in the hopes of PAYING IT FORWARD!
it is crazy how he works hugh! he just saved my life yet agian by allowing them to do a cat scan and they found a blood clot. i say agian cause my whole family would have burnt up in a house fire if god hadnt woke up my autistic daughter. crazy hugh! i am glad to see that you got some nice clothes from your angel. thanks and god bless.
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