Please join me in remembering my friend.
Hi, everyone. First off, I won't be able to make it to the Northshore round-up today. 
Instead, I'd like to talk about my friend. Sorry for the long post, but thanks for reading it.
Since I was about 10 years old, my mother has been friends with "Aunt R.," a very large woman with an even larger personality. R. has been like a "real" aunt to me -- she attended my high school, college, and grad school graduations, and was front and center at my wedding. She always participated fully in all of our family's events, joyous and otherwise. My siblings and I grew up with her kids, and we're truly like family.
Around the time that I first pursued WLS, about a year and a half ago, R. had been talking to my mother about how she was losing hope that she would ever be able to live a long life. She was beyond SMO (I'd say her BMI was around 70) and had every health condition in the book, and was basically a ticking time bomb. My mother, knowing that I was trying to have surgery, had arranged for the two of us to discuss WLS, and I gave her all the information I had, as well as contact info for my surgeon at the time. Back then, neither of us wanted people to know that we were pursuing surgery; in fact, she didn't even know that I was going to have it, as I told her I was a diet-only patient at the facility (which was true up until a few weeks before our conversation). I was very excited that she was going to pursue WLS, as I thought it would be just what she needs. When her daughters talked with me about it, I enthusiastically told them that she should definitely go for it without hesitation. (BTW, as soon as the possibility of WLS became more real for me, I instantly changed my tune, and now my stance is that I will gladly share my own experiences, but neither encourage nor discourage anyone with regard to surgery.)
R. had gone through the full evaluation, and was even assessed by the in-house psychologist at the surgeon's practice. The surgeon's office cleared her for surgery (I guess she was informed of her high risk, but opted to go for WLS anyway). Because she was going to be paying cash for the surgery, she decided to have it in a foreign country -- a kind of poor foreign country at that. Her reasons for her decision were (1) it would be much less expensive there, and (2) she could recover in privacy, and continue keeping her WLS a secret. Mom and I didn't like that idea a single bit, but she had made up her mind and we figured that since she hadn't asked for our opinions, it wasn't our business to butt in. Besides, after Hurricane Katrina damaged all of our homes and businesses, we assumed she gave up on pursuing WLS. (Meanwhile, I resumed my WLS journey and changed surgeons two more times.)
She had attended my brother's wedding overseas a couple months ago, and my mother told her that I had had my surgery (this time around, I decided to be completely open about it). She asked how I was doing, and my mother answered, "she says she's doing fine, but I'm worried." Mom then asked R. if she was still going to have surgery, and she said no.
Today, we found out that R. passed away this morning, two days after having WLS in that poor foreign country. We still don't know what kind of procedure she had or exactly how her death happened, but her family said she officially died of kidney failure. I don't understand how WLS can result in kidney failure, so I don't know if it was a direct result, and indirect result, or something that was going to happen anyway because of her poor health.
Looking back, R., Mom, and I all did wrong at various points in the story. The wrongs are pretty obvious, so please note them and take heed. I, for one, feel a tremendous sense of guilt, both out of responsibility because I set her on this path and out of survivor's guilt because I (thank God) have been doing so well since my surgery. I know the guilt is incorrect too, as I didn't force her into anything, and if it was her time to go, there was nothing I could do about it anyway. I also realize that, had I not given her the info and had she died of something else today, I'd have felt guilty for not informing her about this tool that could have saved her life.
Anyway, please join me in remembering "Aunt R." Because I don't want to cast aspersions on any surgeons or practices, I don't want to mention where she had surgery or which practice she went to locally. Also, because she apparently wanted to keep her WLS private, I'm not using her name. However, I would really appreciate it if you all would keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers tonight. Thank you.
Instead, I'd like to talk about my friend. Sorry for the long post, but thanks for reading it.
Since I was about 10 years old, my mother has been friends with "Aunt R.," a very large woman with an even larger personality. R. has been like a "real" aunt to me -- she attended my high school, college, and grad school graduations, and was front and center at my wedding. She always participated fully in all of our family's events, joyous and otherwise. My siblings and I grew up with her kids, and we're truly like family.
Around the time that I first pursued WLS, about a year and a half ago, R. had been talking to my mother about how she was losing hope that she would ever be able to live a long life. She was beyond SMO (I'd say her BMI was around 70) and had every health condition in the book, and was basically a ticking time bomb. My mother, knowing that I was trying to have surgery, had arranged for the two of us to discuss WLS, and I gave her all the information I had, as well as contact info for my surgeon at the time. Back then, neither of us wanted people to know that we were pursuing surgery; in fact, she didn't even know that I was going to have it, as I told her I was a diet-only patient at the facility (which was true up until a few weeks before our conversation). I was very excited that she was going to pursue WLS, as I thought it would be just what she needs. When her daughters talked with me about it, I enthusiastically told them that she should definitely go for it without hesitation. (BTW, as soon as the possibility of WLS became more real for me, I instantly changed my tune, and now my stance is that I will gladly share my own experiences, but neither encourage nor discourage anyone with regard to surgery.)
R. had gone through the full evaluation, and was even assessed by the in-house psychologist at the surgeon's practice. The surgeon's office cleared her for surgery (I guess she was informed of her high risk, but opted to go for WLS anyway). Because she was going to be paying cash for the surgery, she decided to have it in a foreign country -- a kind of poor foreign country at that. Her reasons for her decision were (1) it would be much less expensive there, and (2) she could recover in privacy, and continue keeping her WLS a secret. Mom and I didn't like that idea a single bit, but she had made up her mind and we figured that since she hadn't asked for our opinions, it wasn't our business to butt in. Besides, after Hurricane Katrina damaged all of our homes and businesses, we assumed she gave up on pursuing WLS. (Meanwhile, I resumed my WLS journey and changed surgeons two more times.)
She had attended my brother's wedding overseas a couple months ago, and my mother told her that I had had my surgery (this time around, I decided to be completely open about it). She asked how I was doing, and my mother answered, "she says she's doing fine, but I'm worried." Mom then asked R. if she was still going to have surgery, and she said no.
Today, we found out that R. passed away this morning, two days after having WLS in that poor foreign country. We still don't know what kind of procedure she had or exactly how her death happened, but her family said she officially died of kidney failure. I don't understand how WLS can result in kidney failure, so I don't know if it was a direct result, and indirect result, or something that was going to happen anyway because of her poor health.
Looking back, R., Mom, and I all did wrong at various points in the story. The wrongs are pretty obvious, so please note them and take heed. I, for one, feel a tremendous sense of guilt, both out of responsibility because I set her on this path and out of survivor's guilt because I (thank God) have been doing so well since my surgery. I know the guilt is incorrect too, as I didn't force her into anything, and if it was her time to go, there was nothing I could do about it anyway. I also realize that, had I not given her the info and had she died of something else today, I'd have felt guilty for not informing her about this tool that could have saved her life.
Anyway, please join me in remembering "Aunt R." Because I don't want to cast aspersions on any surgeons or practices, I don't want to mention where she had surgery or which practice she went to locally. Also, because she apparently wanted to keep her WLS private, I'm not using her name. However, I would really appreciate it if you all would keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers tonight. Thank you. 
Thanks so much for the kind wishes. I just got back home from R's house, as my family and I had all gone to give condolences to her family, especially her children. Her husband was with her overseas, but he will be back within a few days. It was a very sad gathering, and I saw R's two-week-old granddaughter (her oldest son's second child), whom her grandmother did not get to meet.
According to R's family, she had a pulmonary embolism, went into a coma, and then had kidney failure. They didn't mention anything about her having had WLS (there were some "outsider" friends present, and I don't think they wanted everyone to know), but it appears she had the PE 2 days after surgery. I feel so frustrated now, thinking about how a pre-op venous ultrasound of her legs could have saved her life. My surgeon's practice does it as a standard procedure, and if they find any clots, they administer Lovenox. I seriously doubt this was done in R's case. I still need to get more information, as we didn't have a chance to talk about the real cause of her death. Then again, the real cause may have just been that her time was up.
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