So unhappy with my GBS

I have screwed myself royally. Its not my surgeons fault, Dr Shina and staff are wonderful, the hospital was wonderful. This is all my fault. I lied to myself and everyone. I convinced myself that I needed this surgery, that it was the only way for me to lose weight. Well, I never really tried anything else. I only thought, well, if I can have this surgery, I will be able to lose weight. I didn't see the downside. Yes, I have lost 27lbs and I am grateful for that, but its not worth being this unhappy. I am just devastated. I realize now that I have had it that I should have tried, my surgeon told me that this surgery was a last resort and man, was he right! I am not on here downing anyone but me. I am just so heartbroken that I will never be able to go to a restuarant and eat normal foods again. I could've lost weight with out this, IF only I had tried. If u wanna flame me go ahead, there is nothing no one can say that will make me feel any worse than I do. I just needed to get this out. If u haven't had surgery yet, please don't do what I did, make sure u have tried everything else. I am happy for those who are happy with this surgery and its results, but for myself, I don't know if I will ever be happy again, not the way I was. Angela

I am sorry you are feeling this way Angela! (((hugs))) I haven't had my surgery (yet) so I can't say from my experience but I know several people who have had gastric bypass and lapband.ALL of them had this phase especially the first two months after surgery.You are SOOOOO restricted yet still hungry..esp mentally. My co-worker was devastated that he couldn't eat anything..he even tried and kept getting so sick and vomiting.He kept trying and finally "got it' that he had to follow dr's orders and do liquids,then mushed food..and so on.Once he did that..it took him a while but at six months he was eatings TONS of foods he could before. He is a year out now and he eats almost EVERYTHING just small amounts,slowly and chewing lots! I am always shocked that he can eat at fast food places (not often though for his health),eats some sweets (again rare but he can) and regular food.I always tell him my fear is to never be able to eat regular food,go out to eat,enjoy foods I do now.He said it's different but you will be able to eat again..your tastes may change and there may be things you won't be able to tolerate but the liquid,mushed,etc is only for small,small time. You will be able to eat "normal" again..just in small amounts!

Angie Honey, I've not had the surgery yet myself, but you know what? You are ok. Really. I have 3 friends who've had this and they all went through the mourning stage of having gbs. And that's what you are doing. You are mourning the loss of not being able to eat right now. You will be able to eat at a restuarant again. It has been a year for them and I know they eat mexican and Chinese all the time. They just look at portions and cut them in half. Save the other portion for another meal or just leave it behind. ((hug)) Take it one step at a time. You will make it through this part of it. Congrats on the weight los... Mary

Angela...I just read your post and I praise you for writing it. I really do think that first of all you need to forgive yourself for what you think you've done wrong. After that, "one day at a time" come to mind. I am still pre-op and have thought and prayed about this surgery for at least 2 years. One thing I have learned is that every one is different and have different experiences. Find a buddy who is going through the same thing, and e-mail each other. Spill your unhappiness, guilt, and regreats, but just don't stay there. Try to move on and accept what you have done, and love yourself anyway. Soon it will be better....but until then, I will pray for you. Hugs...Vee

Hi, I just wanted to stop in and say (((HUGZ))) these feelings are normal You will adjust to the amounts you eat and you will feel better in a couple months when you can most definatly eat more, at that time you will be freaking out saying OMG I eat to much again chances are you won't be but it will feel like that since you will have come acustom to barely eating at all. They say that a lot of folks feel this way after surgery it is the loss of a friend (Food) It does get better. It sounds hard to believe i know but it does. Untill then Best Wishes 5'6" 287/187/150 Shell

Angela I have lost your phone number. I wanted to call you and talk after I read this post this morning. I think it is VERY normal to feel like that. Many people do. BUT you have to move on. You have had the surgery now it is time to enjoy your new & improved life!! Head hunger is the hardest thing for most people. I have had a few battles with that lately! You will again eat at places you love. You will just have leftovers for laters!! A nice meal out may last you several days now!! Think of the money you will save!! It is ok to miss the old ways BUT now you are on your way to being healthy. Just think how much more fun you can have palying with your baby girl. Adam and you will begin a new level of your relationship that will bring you even closer together. Everything will be fine. PLEASE do not get upset and eat. I was an emotional eater and feelings like these would send me to DQ in a hurry!! Now I have to think of the consquences (?spelling) It is not worth it. Hang in there Chick!! God is holding you, when you can't hold yourself. Relay on HIM for your strength to not be tempted. He is with you ALWAYS!!!! Love You Girl (((((((HUGS))))) Tonya "I can do ALL thing through Christ who strengthens me."

ANGELA... I CAN'T EVER SAY THAT I FELT AS EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS SUBJECT AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, BUT I THINK ALL OF US HAVE FELT SOMETHING..LIKE WE'RE MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING..AND YES I DO ON OCCASION WISH I COULD GO OUT TO RESTAURANTS, AND GRAZE...BUT THEN I SEE MOST OF THE BIG PEOPLE THERE AND GO...NEVER AGAIN! IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T GO OUT TO THESE PLACES AND ENJOY A MEAL..IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH MY TIME NOW. I'M MUCH MORE ACTIVE...I GET OUT AND GO...ANYWHERE CAUSE I CAN AND I FEEL LIKE IT..I SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON NEW CLOTHES..BUT IT'S FUN CAUSE I CAN ACTUALLY FIT INTO STUFF..I THINK ALOT OF WHAT YOU'RE FEELING IS KINDA LIKE AFTER BABYBLUES ONLY IT'S AFTERFOODBLUES! PRAY AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING...NOTHING SHOULD BE AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR HEALTH AND THE FACT THAT YOU CAN LIVE LONGER-HEALTHIER TO BE WITH YOUR FAMILY.. ANGELA-YOUR HAPPINES DOES NOT COME FROM FOOD OR FROM GRAZING IT COMES FROM HIS GRACE RENEE RNY 8/26/04 -110LBS

Angela, Bless your heart! I know where you are coming from. I had similar feelings about a month into this journey myself. I missed food, I hated eating liquids, full liquids and mush. I didn't think I would ever enjoy food again. Food had been a friend, and an enemy to me for several years. It brought comfort but at a price. I weighed 328 pounds when I first went for a consult on this surgery. My all time high was 340 pounds. I felt miserable, I hurt all over, I couldn't walk hardly at all without feeling out of breath and in pain. I couldn't do any of the fun stuff with my family like riding amusement park rides because I didn't fit in the seats. During those first couple of months you will think about food. You'll see commercials on TV or see the food your family eats and get mad because you can't have it. You think you never will...Well guess what, YOU WILL!!!! It doesn't stay that way forever. You will adjust to the new you. Your hormones will quit wacking you out so much. Your body is trying to figure out what's going on and when you lose weight that quickly your hormones are dumping into your system quickly. I am now 4 1/2 months out and I eat and restaurants. Like one of the other poster's said, my meals do last me for a day or two. I take home left overs or I split meals with my husband or my daughter. It's much cheaper to eat out now. I eat pretty much whatever I want, just very little of it. I do concentrate on the protein first but I eat veggies and fruits and occassionally a sweet. The point I am making is know that this phase is temporary in the scheme of things. It will get better and the advice of "one day at a time" was a God send for me. I concentrated each day on just that day. I did not look too far ahead because the over all goal seemed too daunting. I did not look too far back because a reminder of the what I had been through sometimes was depressing. I thought today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. You will see....it will be better! When you lose a little bit more weight and you can truly feel the difference you won't regret it anymore. You need to find something to focus on besided food. Look at the positives and not the negatives. Find a new hobby or new activity to keep you busy. Before long you will be moving right a long and you will look back and think ... What was I thinking! This is Great! Love and prayers, Sandy -92

Hey sweetie. A big hug to you!!!! I want to let you know about me. Like you, I was soooo mad at myself for having the surgery!! I could have kicked myself in the butt. I felt that way for the first 3 months. But guess what!! After I was allowed to start adding real food back into my diet, I changed my mind. I eat at resturants now. Even go to golden Corral's buffet sometimes. I eat everything and anything I want. It is true that I can't eat as much as I used too but I can eat ANYTHING I want. I don't eat sugar because sometimes it does make me sick but I do eat the sweet candy, cookies, and cakes, and whatever I want when it is sugar free. It taste the same to me. I just LOVE Reese peanut butter cups, of course they are sugar free but you can't tell it. Life savers too. I promise it will get better. You are just at the really sucky stage right now. I think everybody hates those stages until real food is added back. It took me 6 to 7 months before I personally could eat chicken. My tummy just didn't like it anymore, but my mind and heart kept telling me remember chicken is your favorite meat. That part was real hard and I never learned my lesson either. I would still try to eat chicken and get sick. I was dingy! LOL Sweetie, if you ever need to talk, I am here. And I don't live that far from you so we could meet and hang out. I just love E town's mall. I remember going there all the time when I was a middle schooler. LOL That town has really growed up since I lived there years ago. LOL My Mom worked at Hardin Hospital. LOL I go to Fort Knox alot. That is where my doctors are. If fact, we are going either tomorrow or saturday just to have something to do. LOL I don't know how to stay in my own town I guess. LOL I hope this helps you feel better! I know where you are coming for, I promise. It will get better in time. Hope to talk to you later. Toni

I'm sorry that you are so unhappy right now. But the fact is that you are only 3 weeks out from surgery. You are struggling with a lot of things, not the least of which is your body going through major changes, physical, emotional and HORMONAL. Maybe you did not take the time to make sure you were emotionally ready to change your relationship with food before surgery, but the fact is... you have had the surgery and it is time to work with it. When I had my surgery 6 months ago, I was READY. I HAD lost weight... countless times... one time 152#! Each time I regained more... 30 years of yo-yo dieting... I could lose the weight, but I sure as heck couldn't keep it off. I LOVED to eat... I was a chocoholic, addicted to sweets and carbs. But I was so bone weary of being fat that I was willing to do anything to be released from that prison of being controlled by food. It worried me to give up my eating as recreation, but I was ready. Now the good news! I am able to eat pretty much whatever I want, just not the quantities I did before. But when I stop eating, I'm FULL! So I don't feel deprived. At 3 months out I went on a cruise with my surgeon's blessing... it was his goal to get my surgery done early enough that I could enjoy the food on the cruise. I DID! I tried nearly everything... each dinner was an appetizer, soup, salad, entree and desserts. Granted it was only a bite or two of each, but I was so thrilled to be able to eat with everyone and ENJOY what I was eating! I am now to the point where if I go out to dinner with others, unless they were carefully watching the amounts, they would not know I'd had surgery. It just looks like I'm being careful not to overeat. And the funny thing is... I STILL don't feel deprived and I don't miss gorging myself at buffets! I can walk down a candy/chips aisle and remain unaffected by the plethora of choices of sweets/salties before me. The horrible cravings are gone and I feel as if I have control of my life back! Angela, you have only begun this journey. Work with it and give it a chance. I bet in a couple of months you will have changed your outlook and will believe it is the best thing you ever did for yourself! As a final note... I was 6 months out last Monday... I've lost 119.5# from my highest, 87# from the morning of surgery and am only 3/4# away from my first HUGE goal of being under 200#. My husband and I are both in awe every day of the change that this has made in our lives. We now have a bright future and he rests easy in the knowledge that I should be around for a long time now. Chin up, girl... and good luck! Things WILL get better! Rhonna