pre op testing

so today i went and did my preop testing..i am now 9 days from my surgery. it has all been surreal and today has made it more realistic.  i am scared but oddly calm. i was questioning my decision monday thinking maybe i shouldnt do this..maybe i didnt have it in me to fight the head hunger ..i was afraid i wasnt strong enough...then i saw myself in the mirror...and i just said no more..i am strong enough and i will be able to do this..i read the blogs you all write and it gives me strength and hope for my own future.  i know the journey ahead of me will be lifelong and sometimes will be difficult and sometimes will be easy..but what part of my life ..or anyones life hasnt already been that way..i guess i just needed to write down what i was thinking sorry about the rambling..i hope you all have a great day

Girl, I am less than a week from my surgery and I am feeling all the emotions. I just got done posting my blog about this very thing...and then I come over into the KY forum and saw this and I felt better knowing that someone else is feeling kinda like I am.

Here is part of what I wrote in my blog today:

I don't know what it is, but it seems like the more time I spend in a doctor's office talking about this surgery, the more nervous I get. I did all the pre-op testing yesterday.

I think I have been through every emotion in the book today. I wish I had never allowed myself to get this heavy--- I am mad at myself more than anything. I wish things were different and that I had other options (other than surgery) but I really don't. In my heart, I know that. But the food addict part of me is trying to take over the logical part of my reasoning.

There was a point today where I was really freaking out. I can't believe that I am less than a week away and I am filled with so many emotions -- worry, fear, excitement, doubt....you name it they are all there. I am starting to doubt myself. I want the surgery because I want to be healthy and I don't want to be fat anymore. But at times, I think this all is too much.....especially when I think about the food I will no longer be able to eat. I know that is the food addict in me talking and not the logical part of me who knows that I need this surgery in order to have a healthy life. I am tired of being the fat one. I am tired of having no energy to play with my son. But there is just something about the fact that my stomach is going to be the size of an EGG that really freaks me out. I wonder if I am really going to be able to do this. I am praying for the strength and the courage.

I've talked to some friends who have already had RNY and they have been very reassuring. They tell me that what I am feeling is normal. I hope that is true.

Good luck to you!

thank you so much for sharing that.  i feel exactly the same way..really exactly the same..i have not been able to explain to my friends or family the works escaped me but you said it all..i have my filter put in my leg the same day u have surgery i will be thinking of you and praying..we can do this together..all my best

You both are strong women.  You are doing everything the right way.  You are ready to make a decision for you.  Congrats on your journey.  You will be LOSERS before you know it.  If you have any questions or need reassurance let me know.  I am 5 months out now.  I totally remember being nervous.  This was the best and only decision for me.  

thank you and i will be reaching out to you...i hope all is good with you