Feelings of being depressed..etc.... lonnnnnng

Ya know, no one understands this better then you group of ladies.... Lately I've been so depressed and upset... I can't even tell you whats wrong.  My husband is probably sick of coming home to a grumpy wife who is aggravated at the kids..
..
My kids drive me crazy to start.. The constant bickering and fighting.. it's NON STOP in this house... then we have this puppy... who needs to find a new home... who wasn't supposed to be "my" responsibility... yet is ALL mine... ( i should of known that) I've been looking for a part time job, and have had NO luck with that.. I know the economy  sucks right now... and then I'm dealing with this whole weight issue and wanting to eat... I'm frustrated..
 
I can go weeks with so much motivation and without being tempted by anything... Then i fall.... and when I fall it's usually hard... I can honestly say I feel like I haven't even had surgery with the way I can snack and graze all day long.  I've always been able to Loose some weight... then will start putting it back on... Everyday I tell myself.. tomorrow is another day.. new beginning..etc... and then the same crap happens.. I swear there's a devil and an angel on my shoulders. Now for about the past week or more I've done nothing but eat... crap ... chocolate.. I know I shouldn't .. but when that devils telling me go ahead.. you can start fresh tomorrow it makes sense... then I feel guilty... I just don't want to FAIL at this... I'm so scared of that.. I've failed at everything else I've tried so why should this be any different. I tell myself.. its a tool ... use it... but I can still eat... and snack...It's so damn frustrating.................. I think maybe I should of done the RNY... I think all kinds of crap... I've been heavy all my adult life... I'm tired of it... I have a simple goal and thats to just get under 200 lbs...  I feel it's in arms reach... yet I'm starting to fail.... I hate this.  My husband has CLUE as so what kinda of battle this is... it's an addiction... pure and simple.. I'm addicted to food.

I've only told a handful of people locally... I wish I never did cause I feel like they are always watching me.... Ok damn, this is getting long... but I just needed to get these feelings out... I don't have anyone here to talk to that understands...anyway... I'm trying to fight..... I'm not giving up.. but every damn day is a battle...
Thanks for being here as always... It's nice to have a place to come to VENT!!!
Sandi

What type of surgery did you have? I can totally relate to everything you wrote. I have thought all those thoughts too. I just had my surgery five days ago so I am real new to it. I can only suggest a book by Louise Hay called "You can heal your life". It helped me a lot. I buy it for friends who are struggling. We have to fight the addiction, the genetics, the habits, and all those things together are so incredibly strong...BUT you are stronger and you can do it. Make you the most important person in your life because it will teach your children that they are important too and that they need to treat themselves with respect. That will lead to them treating others including you better. It is great to vent and I always feel better afterwards..I hope you are feeling better about it all very soon. Good Luck and keep positive thoughts.

I totally understand where you are coming from the devil lives inside of my body most of the time!! lol.
  I had rny and I will be 1 year out Thursday, and now it is becoming a struggle again, I can eat anything I don't dump on anything, and stress and depression is getting to me so bad, I cannot take it.
   I just want you to know you aren't alone, my problem is my one son and his girlfriend,  at the present my son won't even speak to me, and a month ago it was my sister-in-law that is 30, she thinks if she tells me to kiss her butt, I should say mark the spot.
  I am going for a walk it seems to help, night time is the culprit for me. I am gonna try to find something to start doing and stay busy at.
  Good luck with your struggle, and may God be with us, I am praying for summer where it doesn't get dark till 9 at night, and we can do more things outside.
  If you need me or need to talk, just e-mail me or talk to me, at yahoo, specialone64 or myspace i am greeneyesfromky.
                                             Lisa

Sandi we all have the same feelings at times or for some all the time.   I stray away into a food binge often and now Bob is the food police to try and keep me straight.   I am no longer allowed to go to the grocery without him and I can't even sneak nothing in cause he always sits in the living room  damn it...  lol... So I guess the devil is going to be short lived on my shoulder now.

I have a life coach too that tries her best to keep me on track maybe that is something you could look into someone to talk to.

Are you coming to support tomorrow night???

What is a life coach and how do you get one???

Thanks girls, I'm going to check Amazon.com for that book......
I'll be back on later!!!  (after the Bachelor) =)

  Hope a hug of understanding will help.  Sorry you are having a bad time Sandi.  It does help to vent to those who understand.  Take care,

Z

Sandi,
I can SOOOOOOO understand!  I know when you met me Saturday you thought I hadn't been very big to start with if my surgery was just in Nov....but I was on round 7 of gaining and losing +/- 100 pounds and had my surgery as soon as I qualified.  I had gained almost 80 back of the previous 155 I had lost with the assistance of Meridia...
I am scared, I am always scared I will battle this forever and I am scared of everything that goes in my mouth...but that doesn't keep me from rationalizing it as I eat it sometimes.  Depression and frustration become a vicious circle that just spins faster and faster.  Please don't take this the wrong way...have you ever considered a therapist who specializes in eating disorders to help with some different strategies?   Does your program give you continued access to the psychologist?  You won't fail....and the reason I know you won't fail is because you are already acknowledging this is your demon...and you are afraid of your demon as I am mine.  When we lose fear of the demons they are able to overcome us....
Keep your head high, love yourself (cause you are the only you that you got!) and set some very short (like day-to-day) goals that don't involve food.  Like take a bubble bath at the end of the day of you make it all day without caving.  Or close yourself in your room to read for a half hour-no kids.  If you make it a week...get a massage.....make yourself reward the little things...cause after all the little things will grow to be BIG things and BIG successes.
hugs, Sonja

 U know. I swear I think I wrote this post in your mind.. you heard me Saturday.. I think about junk all day long.. I was full to the brim Saturday but could have ate junk.. I didn't but damn I thought about it all day!!! it is a demon that I am having no control over this time of year. I think it's weather related Sandi. I really do.. The warm weather is kicking back in my common sense!!!!!!!!
   It has to be harder for you because of the fact that you have no one to fuss too! CALL US!! you have our numbers Darling!!  text us!! I bought carrots, grapes, and apples and wintergreen gum...
  Every time I crave something I am going to chew the gum or eat the veggies/ fruit... If I am then still hungry I am going to drink 8 a glass of water, if I'm still hungry then I will eat.. not until I know its Hunger and not head wanting to eat!!
  I don't get hungry, I  GET BORED... Katelyn is doing it too! I hate to see the habits rubbing off on her so I am working on changing them. The kids fighting I cant help with, but the job thing I can, all we can do is wait it out and see what the economy does..
   Saturday, I took a picture of me in my bra and panties and that pic is on my computer and I look at it every day.. It is my motivation to get my BUTT up and exercise and watch what goes in my gullet!!
   I fuss to becca all the time about my food issues!! so fuss to us!! that's why we are here...
   Dawn

OK Sandi,  You can quit channeling our thoughts anytime now!!

Wanna know what I think???  I think we all have varying degrees of the winter time blues (aka Sunlight Affect Disorder).  Take advantage of as much sunlight as possible.  While the kids are at school get out and go for a walk, pull a chair into the sunbeam from the window and read (my fav), or go buy one of those fancy-smancy light contraptions.  It should all start getting better soon though as I have noticed it's getting lighter earlier in the morning again.

Another thought....have you called or emailed either George or Mary at the bariatric group?  They have our $300, they may as well work for it!  Use them and use US (call us, text us, email us)!!

As for the kids and the hubby....when you figure it out let me know and I'll try it with mine!  Hell, mine has a band and STILL doesn't get it sometimes!  Big jerk has figured out he's WIDE OPEN at night and will eat 1/2 a box of cereal and then chips and salsa to boot!  If he wasn't still losing weight I'd fuss but by golly he's on the final hole in his belt.  Damn man.....he farts and loses weight right now.

Hi Sandi
I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. I know I am pre-op, but boy do I feel what you are saying.
I have been on a nonstop munch since shortly after Chirstmas. I made it through that ok, but I am a snacking mechine.  I am trying to get a grip on it. I know for me that at least a few of the pounds I have packed on have been due to stress.  Steven's health has been a huge issue in our lives for over a year and it does not help one keep the weight steady. I still fit my clothes, but they fit differently than they did and that of coruse sends me into a sprial too.   My bad time to eat is in the afternoon early evening. I am home and in the kitchen chillin' or working on chores- what a bad place to be.
ALL of these things are contiributing to the feelings of frustration and are said to show you just how much  you are not alone.
I will be more than glad to listen to you should you want to talk or PM me.
I hope that today was an easier to manage... YOU can do it. I know you can.  One small step at a time.  I like the idea of little rewards for yourself.

take care
Teach/sol