OT: Teenager Advice Please !

Make sure you tell your parents not to give him money.  Don't pay him to come home you might end up in the boat we are.  My sister in law is 54 and since my father in law is old with failing health it falls on us.  Unless you put a stop to it now it will never end but get worse.  I say let him fend for himself.  Is he on your auto insurance?  If so make him get his own coverage.  If he is deliquent from school turn him in to the police.  Sounds like you have he start of somethingmajor starting and it is like a cancer.  You have to cut it out and go for treatment.  Maybe group therapy.

Hmmm 16??? He isn't legal yet.. Bring his ass back home... take his car keys and tell him he's got to start to work for some of this stuff.. Do not give into giving him that money. Part time jobs are out there..Especially with the holidays approaching...

HA Like I really have a clue.. since mine are 6 and 8.. But thats what my parents would of done for me..LOL... they'd probably put bars on my windows too so I couldn't sneak out!

Good Luck and I hope he comes home!!!

Lol Sandi...I told Aubrey not to even think of it because her car has my name on it and I will report it as stolen. I would also have her taken into custody as habitual. Don't think I wouldn't either. The first time I caught her smoking pot I grounded...the second time I took privleges and grounded. The third time I took her to the police and turned her butt in myself! She was pissed but that let her know I meant business. When I am pissed I am no one to mess with. No incidents with drugs since!

I hope you are a strong enough woman to put into effect some of these suggestions.  I am not.  I know that about myself so I started doing this.  I provide an allowance for my boys for doing what they are supposed to do.  Keeping up grades, doing their chores and keeping their rooms straight.  If they don't do what is expected of them they don't get their money.  They have the ability to buy things on their own.  If it is something they really want and I can see they are struggling to get there I will offer to go halfsies with them.  Once they get their half I pay up and they get what they want.  My oldest did well with this and did not need my help with insurance money when he was a teenager, he took care of himself completely while away at college (other than free lunches with grampa).  I get weakened from time to time with the younger ones (15 and 10) and let them get by with getting money when they haven't done their part but after reading your post I am getting tough again.  Calling the boys in right now to tell them starting now no money for no help.

If he works for it, he will respect it much more and he will learn responsibility.  I have two cousins who (at ages 39 and 45) will not work and have no concept of personal responsibility.  Their parents keep them in homes and vehicles (and everything else).  They live a wealthly lifestyle.  Parents don't live forever and I'm wondering how long it will take my cousins to blow through their inheritances and insurance when their parents die and then wonder "What now???"

Good luck with everything but don't cave in and reward his bad behavior. 

I'm another one who can't offer first hand advice since Princess Sassypants is only 6 even though she thinks she's 16!

I just wanted to tell you that Yes, your son loves you even when he doesn't act like it!  He's simply in the "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" stage and can't see past his own wants and desires right now.  I'm not sure when it passes though for boys!

My 17 year old niece acts that same way!  She's got a small p/t job and has some money of her own but when we were in Florida on vacation she got PO'd at her dad because she was ready to go to the dining room and eat breakfast before the rest of us were all ready.  She wanted to take the room card and use the dining credits but her father said "No, not till we are all ready to go down together so I can check the credits first".  Well, she proceeded to have a hissy fit and stomped off saying "Fine, I'll use my own money then since you want me to be hungry".....well, la de dah!  Poor girl hadn't gotten a chance to pull out her own wallet all week....she did then!  I wouldn't be surprised though if daddy slid her a $10 when we all got there ....which is a big part of her problem.

Stand your ground and make sure the grandparents back you up on it!  When he gets home lay down the law and let him know if he pulls that running away **** again you'll be calling the authorities on him since you are responsible for his bonehead actions until he's legal.  I'd also consider taking his keys away from his current vehicle (or mysteriously disabling it  ) for a set amount of time.

I know I'm likely headed down that same road with Gracie since she's already spoiled as it is but I'm hoping the expectations we place on her will balance out the extras....If not, I'll be writing the same post in about 10 years!

Most of all though.....come vent with us when you need to.  We love ya!

     Oh leslie..  I  am so sorry that teenagers SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!!! I kow this and I dint have any!!! My ex- best friend has two, one good one, one bad one....
      This is what mom did with us kids... Keep this in mind. Donald and I own our own homes, bought our own cars, and pay our bills with no help. NETT doesnt...
   We got jobs at 15 and 16  worked to pay for our own cars... We paid for the maintenance and when I wrecked mine, It sat till I could pay my uncle to fix it... Donald and I both did this.. Nett didn't.. mom bought her car, paid her insurance, gave her gas money....
    Donald and I didnt drive to school, Nett did.. Donald and I graduated, Nett didn't....
She was a spoiled lil brat..
   She's a stay at home mom, who lives in my mom's rental house, and  they fight with her to get her rent every month... It suxs.. My mom is now making her stand on her own two feet!!!! It's killing my mom, but she's turnung 30 years old tomm and its time for her to be a adult...
   Your doing the right thing... it just sucks  to do it!!! Make his behind come home and take those keys... He can't run when her gets mad.... not the way it works...
    OHHHH and my mom raised us all three without our burnout dad's...
It was hard but she did it... you can too!!!!
dawn

Dear Leslie,
   The hardest thing in the world is tough love. I have learned that the hard way. My kids and I grew so close when their Dad and I were divorced. I worried so much about them wanting to be with me instead of their Dad so I let alot of thing go under the table so to speak. Now that time has passed my youngest was so used to getting his way that alot has gone wrong. His grades has suffered and he has a terrible identity problem. We have worked hard and I had to come to the point that I had to be his mother more than his friend. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you.
God bless you,
Sharon

Hey sweetie
I know he loves you he is just trying to make you feel guilty.
I have 3 sons 25 16 and 15.
My oldest son is a real trooper he didnt want a car til he could buy it himself and get the one he wanted..Which is exactly what he did..He says  he respects us for making him get it himself.
Andy is 16 and he saved his money and bought his own truck it was only 500.00 a ford f150 and its rough but he is proud and he got it himself.
Now the other one is get me give me and i had to set my foot down and tell him you want it earn it.
He was mad and told me he hated me and etc.
But he is learning now that he is earning his own money he understands and doesnt blow it.
I had to earn my money growing up and my brother didnt and we are very diffrent in the way we live our lives.
But i know the kids try to make their parents feel guilty about saying no so stand your ground.
I knw its hard but in the long run he will love you for it...