OT: Teenager Advice Please !

Had a VERY stressful night.  My son left home.  He is 16 -almost 17.

We had a big fight and it was over money - I don't know where I have went wrong but I have obviously spoiled him way worse than I would have ever imagined.  He is wanting $3000 for another truck.  I told him no.  He tells me I am greedy and he can't wait to leave home.  I tell him he needs to get a job and earn his own money.  I also told him that I love him very much but it has come to the point that I am not going to keep giving him money - it is time to work for it.  I honestly think he only loves me because I give him what he wants.  I have been up crying all night.

He has called from my parents home in VA.....so he drove there last night.  At least I know where he is now.

I've got to work on getting him home and mending our relationship.  I love him dearly and I want him to be a good responsible adult.  I am so torn.  I know if I give him the money he will come home, but that is sooooo not the right thing to do.  I have got to hold strong on this one.

Anyone have teenagers that can relate to this?

Leslie
 

Unfortunately there are probably many of us that can relate. At some point you have to stand firm in your position. Loving him and enabling him are two very different things.

Vehicles were the one thing that we held firm on with our children. If they wanted a car, they needed to work to earn insurance and maintaince expenses in addition to the car itself. Walking, riding a bike or bus is a large motivator for some.

I am sorry to hear that this has happened, fights are always hard with your children.

True.  I am no longer being an enable, and that is what he is having a problem with.  Just hope we can work through it and maintain a good relationship.

Oh honey...this is the brginnig and I can more than relate to the road you have ahead of you. I have Sarah..my 14 yr old who cannot wait to get a job, her liscense and buy her own job. She knows that is the only way she will get a car. Aubrey is the opposite. She sits on her butt and expects me to hand her money everytime she wants to go somewhere. I told her I would help her financially when she had the baby but she had to stay in school and fini**** But not to go out and play with her friends everytime Braedyn is at his dad's. She was in an accident and when she got her settlement she was able to get her own car and pay her insurance for a year. My insistance of course. I have spoiled the girls I know...I guess to make up for an absent father. So alot of the blame falls on me. Both have threatened to leave at times...usually when I won't give in to their demands. It breaks my heart but I do not show it anymore because they play on this! Stand your ground. Yes he needs to get a job and have his own money. As soon as he gets that first paycheck he will have a new understanding of how hard you work for what you have and that it is tight to stretch a dollar nowadays. Summer time...mow yards.  Winter time..shovel sidewalks. Help neighbors do small things around the neighborhood. Get a paper route. McDonalds is always hiring! He ran to your parents because he knows he needed someplace safe to go rather than his friends. Will they give him the money? You might want to talk to them and explain what is going on and your reasoning behind it so they don't do it. Then he may realize he is out of options and look for a job. Tough love honey and it sucks to do it. Where do you think all this gray hair is from!  You can do this and we will support ya! Kids just do not realize how good they have it at times......

Very well said Lee Ann.  Tough Love.  That is what I am doing and man it sucks! 
Is this some type of payback for what I did to my parents?????  lol
I do need to call my parents......no, I don't think they will give him money - well........not $3000 worth anyways - they simply don't have it...........but gas money - yes they would.

Thanks.
Leslie

Well, I have 6 children... two are already past the teenage stage (26 and 20) and I have 3 teenagers now (two girls 16 and 14, one boy 15) and I have a nine year old that will be a teenager way too soon for me,but I am still not an expert because there is no such thing!!  You can't predict teenagers!!  My 15 year old is in a youth development center at the moment. He has actually been gone now for almost 2 years. We adopted him at the age of seven and he had some issues already.. the teen years made it worse.  That's another story.  anyway, I have learned that children are going to love their parents no matter what.  Even though it is very difficult you have to stand your ground or they will continue to take advantage of you. I learned this with my oldest.  I would give in to her all the time up until about 3 years ago, I finally started saying no and you know what, she has started to do things on her own and calls me everyday for advice. My 20 years old is about the same...although I cut him off a little earlier and he was angry at first but he still loves me and calls me almost everyday. I think they actually have more repsect for me because they now have more respect for themselves!!  As for my teenage girls...I think there is still hope for them  LOL. I still hear the "I hate you".. I just smile and say "no you don't".  It really makes them mad but they get over it. Hang in there, it will get better and you aren't a bad parent if you don't give in.... actually you are teaching them to be respnonsible. Good luck  

wow- 6 children!  And I am complaining about my 1 ???  Don't know how you do it.

I hate to see my son get older, but I do wish the teen years and all the drama that goes with it would end soon..........but I fear it is just starting with him.

yeah, I am 43 and I have been raising children since I was 17.  My youngest three (15, 14, and 9) are adopted.  We adopted the youngest one when he was five months old and a year later we adopted the other two when they were 6 and 7.  I love them all dearly.... and honestly the only one that has given us a lot of toruble is the 15 year old (Garren). The others have the usual, normal attitudes.  So I consider myself pretty lucky. We used to be foster parents for I have parented a few teenagers in between my others also.  I am also getting my bachelor's degree in Juvenile Justice!! 

Anyway, just be strong and stnad your ground with him!!!  He will get over it.

I know how you feel. It is really hard to say no to your child(ren). I have 4.....three boys-20, 14 and 13...and a 3 yr old girl. But as far as teenagers, yes it is hard...I had 3 at one time! LOL!! We bought the oldest one a car, well he then wanted a truck. So my husband bought a truck and switched with him. He was 16-17 and he really didn't appreciate having it. My husband helped him tint the windows, put in a stereo system, lower the truck and put really nice wheels on it. That wasn't enough....he always complained. He ended up wrecking it and we had to junk it. He went for a year WITHOUT anything to drive. I told him that I would not buy him anything else. If he got something he would have to work for it and pay for it himself--insurance and all. Now that he has another truck, he appreciates it. And yes, he foots the bill for it. I want to give in to all of my children, but there is some times when I just don't have it to give. But with the oldest, I guess I feel like I have to give more because I had him when I was 17 and needless to say his biological dad was and is an ASS!!! So I guess I always tried to make up for that fact that he was not around. Guilt is such a B!T@H!

LOL... I had my first one when I was 17 also... sounds like their fathers may be related!!!! And yes I went through the guilt thing too and it is hard!!!